Hey Reddit (apologies that this is so long),
I’ve tried to abstain from posting online about this, but I feel like I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do so hopefully you folks can help me out.
So a little background on me, I’m a 22-year-old college student who stayed in his hometown to go to school so I could save money on tuition and stay with my family through my little brother’s graduation before we all go our separate ways. I’m outside the norm for people in my age demographic, I’m a huge Jam Band freak, a media comm major, and I typically stay off social media – yes I know it’s ironic, the media comm major avoids social media. Yall get to make one joke haha. My hometown has a population of about 130,000 and I travel within the state enough to meet new people all the time.
My last partner and my most serious, I met going into my sophomore year of school back in the Fall of 2019 and we dated for six months. Unfortunately, it was an extremely emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive relationship that I didn’t feel like I could escape. Not to dwell on it, but things like knife throwing, making every small problem/thing my fault, she consistently tried to convince me that I was wrong about being bisexual and was really straight, inappropriate grabbing/groping in public and so much more. When I did try to break up with her about three months into our relationship she threatened to kill herself and I felt trapped. I’m thankful I’m out, sadly I don’t feel like I can talk about it at all because I’m a man and everything that happened typically doesn’t happen to men, that’s a conversation for another day though.
Since we broke up – Feb 1 2020 – I have tried to date and it just hasn’t gone anywhere. I will meet people on dating apps and conversations will go well for a little while and then I either get ghosted or I get some pretty rough comments about my appearance. I met a really nice young woman on Bumble back in May and we went on one date last July, she was very nice and we had a lot in common. She found a partner and we stay in touch which is nice, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a little disheartening. I hold no animosity against her at all I totally get it, sometimes you just meet people and there’s that zing that you can’t ignore and I’m genuinely really happy for her.
My other friends – both men and women – go on dates, a few are happily married, are going to get married, or are in happy long-term relationships. I don’t understand why I don’t have the same success as my friends who date do, if I had only been single for a year sure, but three years and only one date? It’s starting to feel like there might be something wrong with me and I just don’t see it. I’m not a huge recluse or anything either, I go out all the time and I’m always chatty with people and super friendly.
I’m not sure what to do at this point, I feel like I don’t have any other options or avenues to try and find people. I’m not even trying to find my soul mate, just a companion to go on dates with, have fun with, and just casually date.
If you read this far you’re awesome, and if you have advice I would really appreciate it.
Thank you.
3 comments
Hey man, 18m here, have never dated, never had a gf, never gone on a date and still a virgin. Recently went abroad to study with some hope to meet someone, still nothing. I have talked to my close friends and some of my seniors about it, they said that i was acting wierd for some time, almost like i looked desperate, and that hit me hard. I took a moment to look at myself, and i realised that i had been wasting my time and fucking around, i was almost disgusted with myself. This changed my mindset and behaviour a lot. I started focusing more on my college and studies, and i found a strange peace of mind. Suddenly, i found myself making a lot of friends, and my confidence skyrocketed since i was talking to way more ppl and flirting with girls without the intent of hitting on them (guess it just made it easier, more natural). I just didnt care about the dating stuff anymore, im still too young and have more time than i imagined.
So, my advice would be to just not rush things, you’re making this a way bigger deal than it is, take your time to enjoy life, build your future, just take it easyand be yourself. Im sure someone will come along where you least expect it.
Sorry if this was long, thank for making it this far.
you’re 22 bud! you have a lifetime ahead of you to experience various opportunities if you make the effort. i know hearing “just cruise through life” is probably the last thing you’re looking to hear, but you’re more likely to find a valued companion when you’re not even searching for them. but if you’re trying to just get your feet wet on the dating scene, have you tried online dating? it’s definitely a dice roll but you get lucky on occasion.
You younger folks have GOT to start putting yourself out there in the real world. Online dating is ruining your guy’s chances of a healthy relationship. You’re still young. Use this time to develop skills to approach women in person. You’ll get rejected, you’ll get numbers that won’t lead to anything, but you can also find a great connection too. Ask your friends to set you up. In my day we had to rely on friends and family. It clearly worked better for us than this online crap.