So to give more context about how we met, my best friend moved down to the states for University 3 years ago to do her masters down there. She, of course, ended up making a lot of friends in school. One of these friends in a man named Markus, who this post is about.
Now, my friend and I grew up playing dungeons and dragons with my dad and decided to start playing online over discord (online chatting/calling/streaming app popular for gaming together on) with her new group from university she’s become close with, as they all really want to play.
So almost 2 years ago we started all playing together, doing video chats every Friday night and basically just forming this online friend group. Markus and I hit it off really well and started talking outside of the chat every single day. We still talk every day. Things eventually got really flirty and we started exchanging nudes and having phone sex and then decided we weren’t going to see other people and we wanted to try a long distance relationship.
We haven’t seen each other yet basically because the pandemic happened, he is finishing up his architecture degree, I was living with my grandma as her full-time caretaker, and basically a whole host of travel-preventing circumstances happened right when we met.
Now that things are becoming normal again, he called me today to let me know that he got two weeks off of work in September because he’s worked with the firm long enough to get vacation now, And that he would really like to come see me and see if the chemistry is the same in person and if it is possibly taking the next step into a real relationship.
I was freaking over the moon, I cried, I was so excited all day, he booked his plane tickets from New York to Vancouver and I booked us an Airbnb. All day we were sending back-and-forth stuff we want to do on the coast, places we want to see, restaurants we want to try. It’s been a long time coming it feels like.
The friend that introduced us has said he has been so much happier this last year and a bit since he and I got really close, and said he talks about me all the time and she was so excited for us and said she feels like such a good matchmaker for us.
And then I told my parents and my friends here and things just hit the fan. My parents have basically resigned to the fact that he’s going to murder me and chop me up into 1000 pieces, my friends here said it’s insanely creepy to go on a vacation with someone I’ve never met, and Everyone I know here has just said it’s a horrible idea and extremely dangerous and they really don’t want me to go. (Vancouver is only an hour from me). My mom said there’s no way Megan knows him well enough from her time in school to say whether he is safe to meet with.
My mom the entire day has been telling me how extremely dangerous it is to go alone to see a man I’ve never met, that things are going to be awkward and terrible, and that it’s going to be a giant waste of money and time.She said no man in his right mind would fly across the continent to meet a stranger and that it’s an indication he is not right in the head. My dad and sister all agree and my friend group here has said I’m completely delusional about even considering it.
It’s making me feel all this doubt that I didn’t feel before and now I’m scared I’m making a stupid decision and blinded by excitement? Advice on meeting an online friend?
TL;DR I’m meeting a man I met online (via an in person friend for both of us however) for the first time on a vacation together this fall. Is this unwise? Should I reconsider?
7 comments
He’s 6 years older, get out
Im gonna be blunt with you, being with a person online and irl are two whole different chemistries. If you commit to this holiday, you gotta be lucky and prey that you guys will get along fine, otherwise it’ll turn into an akward holidays.
You say that Vancouver is only an hour from you–will you be driving? Because if you are and you get there and things are awkward, you can hop in your car and drive home whenever. If you aren’t driving, be sure to have enough cash on your person to book a return ticket and a hotel room for one night if things get really bizarre and you want to get out of there at a time when public transit’s not available.
Yeah, he could be Serial Killer Guy, but so could the neighbor down the street you’ve never really thought about. You know more about this guy than either your family or your friends. You’ll probably have a blast.
I think is a special circumstance. You know all of his details, his full name, address, where he’s studying, try and get his parents names, numbers and addresses from him also, give that information to your family, make sure you keep your location on and update your family at every moment you get to let them know what you are doing and where you will be at what times.
I think it would be a shame to miss out on a chance at a real relationship if you both do feel so strongly for each other because other people wouldn’t do for others what he’s doing for you.
Make sure you get the information and speak with his family before you go anywhere, this may seem like a childish thing to do for your ages but it’s always better to be as safe as possible. Also no harm in bringing something to protect yourself like pepper spray something like that.
Ultimately do what you decide is the best option for you and if you feel uneasy in anyway by him or his responses to your request then Do Not risk it.
I would say in the grand scheme of things it’s no more dangerous than, say, going into a city, hitting it off with a stranger in a bar or club and going back to their place/your place/a hotel room or whatever, and that’s something which is seemingly a socially acceptable thing to do these days isn’t it?
The only thing you really need to do is have a contingency plan on the occasion that things don’t work out, for whatever reason. Because it can happen with people you meet online; they just don’t match up to the mental image you have, or they turn out to be plain old weird. You’re only in danger if you can’t get out of such a situation (by running out of money to go and get your own hotel room or plane ticket home or what have you). As long as you can take care of yourself, you’ll be fine.
I don’t agree with the comments warning you of him being a murderer. Sure, in principle, you can never rule that out but you know this guy for a reasonable amount of time. You talk to him regularly and built a mutual connection of trust. I’m sure you didn’t hear just his voice but that you had numerous videocalls etc. The two of you seem to know each other after this time. Your connection grew out of a group setting where people know each other. I think people (and your parents) underestimate how meaningful online connections can be.
If you just would have met him a week ago on a dating app I would 100% agree with your parents. This stuff would be super odd. But you know each other for a long time now. Also, you have a friend who knows him in person and spent time with him as a friend.
It is correct though that meeting him in person will be very different from meeting him online. But this is exactly why you meet. To figure out whether your online compatibility carries into the real world.
Your best friend has met him, right? I think the vacation plan would be more concerning if you didn’t have that real life connection. Presumably your friend would have told you if this guy gave off creepy vibes in person, looked different than his pictures, had a string of exes who mysteriously disappeared, anything like that. In general it’s good to be skeptical of people you meet online and build in safety plans. For example, you should try to coordinate your initial meeting in a public place. But things like having a real life friend who knows him, video chatting with him, meeting his family, etc all point to this being a legit relationship with a legit person. Stay safe and have a great time!