Long story short, my wife (39) and me (38) have been together for over 15 years. We ran into some trouble a few years ago when we had both cheated on each other as we we thought we were both stuck in a “vanilla” sex relationship. Kinda like the song “Escape”, we were both looking for something while not knowing it.
Fast forward to today, and after a lot of therapy and finally opening up (man, we held a lot back for 10 years that we didn’t know about), we’re on a more solid level than we ever were before. That being said, I want to make sure she is happy and satiated. She would like to try some double penetration with another person, and I’ve been exploring some small “gangbang” fantasies, wherein my wife would be with a few other guys.
I know it turns her on, as I talk about it when we’re having sex and, well, she sure cannot hid how excited she gets. That said, I’ve struggled with the “cuckold” term, as I do really enjoy playing the dominating role, as does she the submissive.
I guess I’m asking for those who have gone through and taken the step to “share” partners together, such as a group, swinger, or “gangbang” for lack of better words (not in an “open” relationship where you go off with whomever on your own), how did you handle it the first time around? Are you still together? Are you not? What were your emotions like? Elated, ashamed, confused, belly full of butterflies, etcetera?
Just want to prep and see what others emotions and thoughts were before, during, and after, if possible.
18 comments
I have shared my wife my times, and am happy to help here.
First off – cuckolding is just one flavor of nonmonogamy. We do hotwifing, very similar to stag/vixen. The big difference is cuckolding includes humiliation/denial – the idea that you aren’t enough for her, that she needs a “real man”, etc. Hotwifing is about adding extra spice only, you are involved and you are still her primary partner.
Emotions are a thing. You will have a little jealousy for the first few times – which, interestingly, can help amplify your pleasure if you let it.
The biggest thing is that the two of you MUST communicate really well. No secrets. No off limits topics.
And the two of you MUST be prepared to put your partner’s happiness above your own.
You need to set up ground rules and stick to them. Things like – are any sex acts off the table (i.e. anal, kinks, whatever)? Is kissing okay? Can the other guy come inside her? And so forth.
I strongly recommend that you set up a veto rule – my wife and I have the rule that either of us can veto a give sex act, a given meet, a given partner at ANY TIME and the other person respects that.
Make sure that the two of you talk, cuddle, have sex AFTER a meet. Reconnect. Affirm that the two of you are still the important thing.
And understand that it won’t always be perfect. Lots of times, newbies especially will get caught up in the moment – the “new toy” phenomenon. Remind each other to not forget your spouse during a meet. But if it happens – talk after. Break it down, communicate, agree to fix that going forward, don’t take it as an attack on your love.
Threesomes and such can be incredible. They’ve honestly helped pull my wife and I closer. But you have to keep talking, have to respect each other.
Feel free to reach out with any questions at all.
First. It’s not a cuckhold to share your wife. Please get that idea out of your head.
A cuckhold is a man who’s wife has sex with other men while embarrassing him or making him feel worthless
The term better suited for you is Hotwife/stag. But even with that. Labels aren’t needed.
My husband and I are still very much together. Still very much in love. We had a few great experiences and some not so great.
We talk about everything before hand. As well as after. We both control our emotions and express what we didn’t like or did like after so as not to ruin the experience for everyone
Honestly man don’t do it. I have first hand expirence watching the excitement of a small fantasy turn into absoulte dread in a man. I only got a few thrusts into his wife before I had to stop as he was distraught and I spent the whole night telling him how it didn’t count and just forget it etc. It was honestly devastating to watch.
A quick search here reveals countless other storie of how emotionally fucked up it can get.
It is also very telling that your wife doesn’t want you to go with other women, but she can fill her boots. Extremely suss man.
I think with the above in mind the equation is simple.
Do you get of from humiliation? Probably not or you wouldn’t be asking for advice on the emotional side of things.
So you rather put your big boy pants on and tell her that you will be fulfilling your fantasy of fucking other girls at gangbang parties and she can do whatever she likes. Bit of a swinger lifestyle.
OR
Put these fantasys to one side and start to reconnect as a couple and have real meaningful sex. This is all you should really need.
This can be done by spicing things up with toys, kinks and live out other fantasies.
Just don’t belittle yourself into a de facto cuckold for the sake of your wife who might not even be interested in option 2…you are always better than that.
Following for updates
Besides the other advice you’ve been given, keep in mind that you can proceed in stages, rather than jumping in feet first into a threesome let alone a gangbang.
It could be going out to a bar or club with your wife and watching her flirt with someone else. Or go to a male strip club and have her get a dance from someone there. These are relatively simple ways to dip your toes in the water and give the two of you an opportunity to talk things over later and see how you both feel.
if you want things to be more direct, she can make out with someone or you can go to a sex club and she can invite light forms of touching or whatever the two of you are comfortable with.
Where a lot of people go wrong is when they just assume they *start* with a threesome which is like jumping into the deep end of a pool when you haven’t learned how to swim yet.
She already cheated u once……and mind it if the other person performs better than u then ur life will be literally fcuked.
I don’t agree sharing wives n husbands……how can u share your wife ….how can u see other man banging her in front of u….if u do so then there will be a time when she will cheat again on you and when you confront her she will say “didn’t we shared each other but this time i wanted it for myself”
What would you do then?
Try r/swingers
If you go this route, I agree you should have strong communication. And go very slowly. Like so slowly and talk about your experiences with each other after.
I would even suggest putting a boundary on penetration from another man with her for a long time, like even first 6 months just explore kissing and oral. If it’s still both your thing after that then consider dipping toes in actual sex. Doing it slow can really help in communicating emotions and building trust as you both step into this new style of relationship.
Having the veto rule is a good idea too and always honoring each other as primaries first and foremost.
Firstly talk about it at the breakfast table and not in the bedroom.
You also need to understand in crystal clear terms that will penetrate your skull , that you both need to be prepared for any potential consequences.
Yes there are some. Don’t gamble what you are not prepared to lose.
You should probably experiment with going to a swinger club first. Get comfortable with being naked together around other people and having sex while others watch. My husband and I did this after fantasizing for over a year about having a threesome, we were seriously concerned about hurting our marriage so we thought this would give us an idea of how much sharing we could handle. We both had an amazing time watching others have sex and us having sex while other watched and jerked off to us, we fantasized about the hot bartender scissoring me and socking his dick, it felt like we were in a porn movie.
At the end of the night we realized we much rather keeping it a fantasy and nothing more. I am very glad we didn’t jump into it because I don’t think either of us would have bring able to handle it.
We now keep our fantasy alive through onlyfans lol. He gets off by watching me film custom videos for other men or women that request them.
I wasn’t comfortable having another male in it at first,I gave in doing it, I said to her 2 rules no making out or sucking his cock, first thing she went for was to suck it…I stopped her and said no but gave that look like I was being a jerk so I let her, first time in my life I wasn’t wanting to control her
Bringing others into an already dismal relationship will not “save” it or “help it” good luck and in 5 years you will be on here looking for another wife / realtionship
I want to say please be sure you’re ready for the emotions that will come with Hot Wife Kink. My husband was not.
We in our first legit couple swapping. High in coc and drunk. But I made the rule no penetration to each others wives but everything else was game but the other girl had never girl on girl and nervous so right away fuck it taken her from being and I’ll get ur ol lady to relax, the next morning smile and nod at each other and found never say even a thing about it to each together. I tried having a rule but mine has a big ass and while face deep in buddy’s wife mine ass up i actually was proud and told buddy never mind go ahead and my plan worked as mine gave alot more effort with buddy’s wife after she didn’t really know at first it wasn’t me but ya it kinda plays out if one girl is to totally down for it. It gets good as kinda takes
Control. I mean im getting bj and say no he doesn’t need anal and well being nay Dick is another mouth hard to argue with her. We only did 2 times but when did coc just us 2 it got pretty intense so was always the “drunk and high excuse”
reading your post, I can’t help but feel that if you two go through with this it will be the last nail in the coffin of your marriage.
You’ll hate it.
Honestly it sounds like your marriage is dysfunctional
Honesty around things society consider taboo is hard.
U feel like screaming.
And when repressed u may start to cry.
Have faith
To repeat what Steve jobs told