I (18f) have been with my bf (19m) for almost 2 years, recently we have been having issues – him not putting effort in or not being present and me getting upset a lot (idk if I’m overreacting about things).
I feel like he isn’t emotionally in it and I’ve been struggling with the lack of replies and him getting annoyed at me being upset so this is why i would like advice.
Today, we had a conversation but it was more like me getting upset with him and him saying nothing or “idk what you want me to say” – and it just felt like he wasn’t listening to me.
He then said he doesn’t know how to express his emotions/doesn’t know how he actually feels and has said he’s never been happy or sad properly but I kinda took that into perspective of the relationship and he wasn’t happy with me, he hasn’t clarified this yet.
I would like advice on how to get the clarification and how do I help him communicate about emotions and things when we can’t see each other properly.
TLDR : bf doesn’t express his emotions properly and says he doesn’t “feel anything”, how do i help him?
4 comments
That sounds like a pretty big problem he has, and I think he’d benefit a lot from talking to a therapist. But beyond that, you can encourage him to journal. Journaling is cheap and easy, and it can help people to organize their thoughts and feelings. If he starts writing about his feelings, he may start to recognize and understand them better, and be better able to communicate. It also is pretty low risk, since he’s unlikely to have significant negative side effects from journaling.
Sounds like he has become apathetic towards life. It’s not a reflection on the relationship. Rather a view on life. A therapist can help. Trying to force a emotional response will likely make the apathy stronger if I’m right.
Men don’t think like that, generally. Most men have a conversation based on questions and answers. This thing is broken, how can we fix it? But most women don’t have conversations like that, they say a bunch of stuff and then expect us to explain how that makes us feel.
Your bf isn’t lying to you, it genuineley doesn’t make him feel anything. Us men are big dumb idiots who usually only have 3 feelikngs they all star with H: Hungry, Horny, Happy. If you aren’t touching on one of those he either feels nothing, or its so minor his brain just ignores it.
He has no idea what you want him to say because you pause expecting him to say SOMETHING, at least he recognizes that after only 2 years for most men that takes a lot longer, but haven’t given him any problem to solve, no question to answer.
If you can find a way to change your conversation style in such a way that its like that “What do you think I should do about Marni being a jerk” “Doesn’t it suck when stuff like that happens?” “Have you ever felt like that?”
If you can’t do it that way, than your bf is probably not the person you should be talking to. I know we all want our SO to be our everything for all the time, but we are still individual people.
He wants to meet your needs but he’s not able to understand what your needs are because he doesn’t have those same needs. If you can find a way to better communicate what your needs actually are in a way he can understand GREAT! If not, perhaps these kinds of conversations are best had with someone else, one of your girlfriends, a cousin, your mom, you have needs that have to be fulfilled but sometimes you need a specialist.
I have one mechanic I go to for “everything” but if my car has an electrical issue I know its better to get my car to the next town over. It doesn’t mean Larry isn’t still the best mechanic around.
>but I kinda took that into perspective of the relationship and he wasn’t happy with me
this is exactly why he doesn’t communicate, cuz he did communicate and you took it personally and got upset.
you help your bf open up more by not jumping into conclussions and making a fuzz everytime he does open up