For context:
– This roommate also happens to be the landlord.
– We’ve had a long history of issues with this guy.
– I have a dog already with ongoing health issues.
– For a number of reasons I won’t get into, moving out is (unfortunately) a terrible option.
So, this roommate decided to bring home a new puppy… without talking to me or the other roommate about it at all. In fact, I found out from a social media post.
All disrespect aside, what I’m most pissed about is the complete disregard for my dog’s health. I have no idea what shots that puppy has or is missing. I have no idea what it might be carrying. And I have no idea if there’s any chance of a negative reaction with my dog. Had we had a conversation about this, I could’ve talked to my vet beforehand and prepared for this.
On top of all of that, I found out later he decided to introduce the puppy to my dog. Again, without my knowledge/presence/consent.
How do I explain to a selfish asshole that he’s being a selfish asshole without calling him a selfish asshole?
10 comments
To be fair, it’s his house.
You can’t really say or do anything positive to make it better.
Either move out or sup it up, buttercup.
IMO you’re being the selfish asshole in this situation. It’s not your roommate’s responsibility to accommodate your dog, it’s yours. If your dog cannot live with other dogs, then you need to get your own place. On top of all that, it’s their damn house. They can do whatever they want.
Since you have a dog, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. Rules remain the se for everybody: dogs allowed.
Are you sure you’re not the narcissist? I’m really getting sick and tired of hearing this fucking word.
If he is fundamentally a selfish asshole, you may be able to mold a little behavior in the short term, but you’ll just get more of the same over the long term, guaranteed. Unless you’re filming a Christmas movie.
You probably already know how to manage this situation about as well as it possibly can be managed. Before you do that, lower your expectations to a more realistic level. And beyond that, do whatever it takes to make moving out a good option.
I don’t know why everyone is saying you’re being unreasonable. It’s not unreasonable to expect someone living in a house (even if they own the house) to give the other people living there a heads up when they’re going to be bringing a new pet to live in the house. Also, like any type of animal, dogs can carry diseases and need to have checkups and shots and such, and dogs can have a wide range of behavior issues too, so the landlord really should have talked to OP about introducing the dogs instead of just doing it. What if OP’s dog had been dog-reactive, and the landlord didn’t know because they’d never seen it interact with another dog? The landlord’s dog could have been seriously injured, to say nothing of what could have happened to OP’s dog if the landlord’s dog had been reactive or sick or something.
OP, talk to your landlord and say “as one dog owner to another, I know how exciting it is to have a new puppy, but for the health and safety of your puppy as well as my dog, it’s important for us to be on the same page about our pets interacting and some other matters.” And then talk about details. It’s important to establish some common ground in conversations like these since it sounds like you’re already pretty fed up, and having common ground will help you both be more productive in finding a solution.
I don’t understand why all the comments so far are so abrasive.
Yes, that was a thoughtless/inconsiderate thing for your roommate to do, and I don’t think you’re out of bounds for calling them a selfish asshole (not event to their face!) for it.
If you’re asking in good faith, which I assume you are, you tell your roommate exactly why it was inconsiderate of them just how you laid it out here. You can ask them to explain why they didn’t think to include you and roommate 2 in the decision and lay out how you’d prefer communication/decisions to be handled in the future. Their reaction will help you decide how to proceed by showing if they were being unintentionally inconsiderate or if they really are a selfish asshole.
I think the biggest problem seems to be that he’s your Landlord, so staying on good terms might take priority. Don’t be harsh to him,even if only to keep good relations.
Put a knife to the puppies throat and demand what you want, simple.
If he is a narcissist then there is only one way to deal with them and that’s stonewall silence. Obviously you can’t really do that given the situation but they mostly do things for a reaction. Good or bad they don’t care. A reaction means attention. If they can trigger you they think they have the power. You take your power back by not responding – where possible! So I would suggest trying to keep communication to a minimum maybe use texts so you have it as back up. My final piece of advice would be to look for a new place to live because living with a narcissist is like living in the hot fires of hell imho 😇
Hope it helps x