My “best friend” (26M) physically attacked me (27M) because of his feelings for my girlfriend (26F)

English not my first language, also i’m a mess and on strong painkillers. All names are fake.

TLDR: My best friend attacked me, i thought it was because he had feelings of jealousy regarding my career and recent succes but turns out it was because of his feelings and relationship with my long term girlfriend.

So me (27M) and Mark (26M) have been best friends since we were 16 years old. We bonded over both wanting the same career path. After years of struggling and tons of rejection my career for the past year has finally been taking off, while Marks has not. I’ve spent so much time trying to help him, also this past year trying to encourage and help him. We even lived together as roomates from ages 20-23 and shared everything. But about 6 months ago his attitude towards me changed, he started making me the butt of his jokes, saying belittling and deamening things. I’m, or i was, kind of a happy-go-lucky type of guy and i just brushed it off, thought he was just a little jealous and having a hard time and was understanding of his situation, i get it it’s a harsh enviroment to want to work in with tons of rejections and seeing your friend suddenly get the success you have always dreamt of.

And then there is my ex-gf Emily (26F). I thought we had the perfect relationship, together 5,5 years. Good communication, good sex life. She stood by me all this rough years trying to get ahead in this career path. I’m also a big oversharer and loved to talk to her about everything, we had no secrets and were very honest, so i thought. I always made effort to keep the relationship fresh and fun, date nights 1-2 a week, suprise her with gifts, trips, trying to do new things toghether, cooking classes, dance classes. I just loved sharing experiences with her, indulged in her hobbies. Made sure she knew she was my number one person. And i thought i felt the same from her. Even as my career took off i made sure not to priortize her any less, or any of my friends. I need a good work/life balance to feel happy.

Last week we were all at our friends house, Tom and Katie (27M&F), a house they recently bought. We were sitting in their yard drinking, along with Bill (26M) and Jane (27F), we have been a friend group for 7 years. So we are all drinking and Mark gets drunk pretty quick and all night he is taking these jabs at me and saying things and after 6 months of this i just get enough. The others also told him to take it down a notch as he tried to disguise these comments as jokes but he was just being hurtful and rude. But around midnight, a little drunk i just get enough and call him out wich ends in an arguement and i end up saying, thinking this all stems from his jealousy of my recent succes, that it’s not my fault he doesn’t have the talent to make it and mention all i’ve tried doing for him so he could get oppourtunities aswell. Then he just attacks me, we shove eachother a bit but he manages to knock me down, kicks me in the ribs a couple of times, then he tries to STOMP on my head, luckily he doesn’t hit me full force, i feel the sole of his feet hit my cheek and slip off, but it was hard enough that my face is still swollen. Then he does it AGAIN but i moved and just see his heel land full force inches from my face. He could’ve broken my skull or worse, killed me, had he landed on my head. Then the other guys get inbetween. I stand up and yell if he is crazy, he seems to be walking of but he picks up a wooden plank (Tom and Katie are redoing the fence and building a shed in the garden) then he lunges at me again and swings it towards my head, i kind of duck and put my hand up so he hits my elbow pretty hard, again he could have killed me 2 times in a matter of seconds. He almost hit Jane with the swing also so all hell breaks loose and Tom and Bill jump him and beat him up pretty bad as they were just seeing red from what happened. The girls manage to get them off Mark and they kind of realize what they did, it’s just emotinal chaos at this point and we are all kind of in shock. Mark sits up and Emily sits with him and there is alot of blood in his face but he didn’t loose consciousness.

Katie ends up driving Mark to the hospital and gets back in the morning. Mark had a broken nose and a slight concussion and she dropped him off at his parents. She said Mark didn’t really talk to her, explain himself or even apologize. None of us really slept that night, and honestly after that things are a bit blurry to me. Probably a mix of alcohol, shock and adrenaline and the worst night of my life, but it just got worse. You might have noticed i haven’t mentioned Emily for awhile…

We are sitting around and Tom say’s something like Mark derseved worse than a broken nose for trying to kill me twice and almost hurting Jane. Then Emily, who has been quiet suddenly snaps and defended Mark, saying he doesn’t deserve any of this and that he just has been having a hard time. Tom and Emily almost end up in a screaming match before Emily storms off. I follow her, thinking “okay we are all in shock and sleep deprived,” and plan to comfort her. I find her in the guest room crying. I tell her i understand and we are in shock and maybe we should just try to get some sleep. She doesn’t even look at me and suddenly i realize, Mark and Emily were sitting next to each other the previous evening, not the first time. When Mark was screaming at me Emily was by his side, tugging at his arm pleading him to take a walk with her and calm down, to Mark, not me. After Mark kicked me, stomped on me, swung a plank at me, her attention was still on calming him down. While i layed down in pain she didn’t check on me. When the guys were beating Mark she was screaming in hysteric trying to pull them off him. I don’t even remember her asking me ONCE if i was okay all night. So i ask her “are you cheating on me with Mark?” and she just starts crying hystericly and repating she never intended for it to go this far, and i got my answer and i just loose it and start yelling at her what is going on and how she can do this. The others come in and the guys take me to another room and try to calm me down. Jane and Katie end up driving Emily to her parents, and Jane ends up staying with her as appearently they were worried about her. All the car ride she cried so much she couldn’t speak. When they got to her parents, Jane and Emily’s dad had to help her up the stairs and into bed as she barely stood up as she was just in hysteric still and the only thing she managed to say, or scream according to them, was that she had ruined everything. So Jane stayed as her parents were worried sick and never seen her like this. Jane and Katie told them what had happened with Mark and me and it seemed to stem from Mark and Emily’s affair.

Then 5 days pass. I’m just in so much physical and emotional pain. Just so angry and confused. My elbow has a fracture, got a couple of bruised ribs and the right side of my face swollen. The night is on repeat in my head. I sent Emily some texts asking for an explanation but she didn’t answer. Then this morning i get a call from my former MIL and bless their heart, my former in-laws are amazing people and always been so kind to me and helped my though alot these past years. She is very apologetic for her daughter and is very understanding. Then she says that Emily wants to see me and talk and if i could come over, wich i agreed to. I arrive and they say they will go outside and wait in their car to give us space, but because of the state Emily is in they don’t want to leave the premise.

I walk in a when i see Emily it’s a roller coaster of emotion, anger and bitterness then i felt sorry for her and just wanted to hug her, she looked awful, like a mental patient. Like she hadn’t eaten, showered or slept since that night. I just felt so bad seeing her like that and had to restrain myself not to run over and take her in my arms. So i just sat down facing her. She said i could ask her anything and she would be honest, and kept repeating how sorry she is and that she has ruined everyones life.

I’m not gonna go into to much details as this is long enough, but basicly a year ago Mark confessed his love for Emily and has been very persistant since then. She said she made it clear it wasn’t mutual. I ask why she didn’t come to me, she says she didn’t want to ruin our friendship and wanted to fix things. Then these last most he has become more aggresive, asking her to leave me for him. I asked if anything had happened. She said they kissed twice and Mark iniated both times but she stopped it. And they once cuddled over a movie, that Mark tried to iniate sex and then she left and set clear boundaries. I asked why she kept seeing him alone if he was constantly trying to kiss her and get her into bed, she said he always promised he wouldnt do it again. I asked why she didn’t cut contact, why she kept answering his dm’s, kept meeting him, giving him false hope and leading him on, if she liked his attention. Then she said the strangest thing, that she felt bad for him, felt sorry for him, felt protective of him like she was his big sister WTF and she needed to help him get over her, that she even set him up on a date with a friend wich he sabotaged by being a dick to the girl. I asked her if she was stupid, if she was telling the truth she did nothing but keep his hope and crush for her alive by keep giving him all her time. She started crying and doubled down on having a sister brother relationship with him and wanting to fix everything and that he was just having a hard time and she wanted to help him to get on his feet again. But he kept getting more persistant and started talking about me in a bad way and that i didn’t deserve her. She says she regrets everything and said she was just stupid and had ruined everything and dealt with everything in the worst way possible but she did it in good faith not realizing she was just making things worse.

Then i ask her if she has had any contact with him since that night and she takes this awkward pause before starting bawling her eyes out and saying yes. That just destroyed me, completly ruined me. This man, for over a year tried to get with her, tried to KILL ME, and i wait 5 days for her to answer me only for her mother to call me on her behalf and meanwhile she is texting with HIM???? I couldn’t answer, i just felt like hurting her, not physically, but emotionally so i decided to just get up and go. She pleads with me, offers to show me the texts, saying she just checked of he was okay, and then the discussion went to her telling him it’s over and to stop contacting her. But for me she made her choice, i was in the worst pain in my life these last 5 days because of them and she still choosed to continue to talk to him while i was on my own? I walk out with her following me pleading and i’m not proud of this, but her mom and dad get out of the car and ask if everything is alright and i just loose it. I yell that their “c-word” of a daughter has ruined my life, how she could choose the man who tried to stomp on my face over me. I was so angry i couldn’t even drive so i just start walking away. I don’t know for how longi was walking but my ex-fil drives next to me, tells me to get in, wich i do, expecting him to yell and me or tell me off but bless his heart, he just drives me home. We didn’t talk all the way but when he stopped outside of my place he put his hand on my shoulder, i couldn’t even look him in the face after what i said to them.

Emily did text me screenshot of their texts wich seems to prove what she said, that she only checked if he was okay and then said she couldn’t keep him in his life. That she would never forgive him for attacking me. She also sent more screenshots of their previous chats, mostly of her telling him to stop, that she didn’t have feeling for him, and of her rejecting his advances. But as they have been talking for over a year i guess she could cherry pick parts of the conversations that look in her favour and leave other parts of texts out. I have not responded yet and i don’t think i ever will, and i will block her but for some reason i just can’t yet.

Now i’m here just getting this all out of me. I just feel so betrayed and angry and horrible. I want to hurt Emily and Mark so bad, not in a violent way just emotionally, make them feel the pain i’m feeling, and i know that’s not a healthy way to feel, or a healthy thing to do so i hope just writing this out, even if no one reads this will help me start to process what the hell has happened. How my life went from feeling perfect to feeling like i will never feel good again, i feel like this pain will never go away.

How on earth can someone heal from this? I feel like i lost everything. The people i used to love with all my heart i feel nothing but hatred for now. I know Emily said she didn’t “cheat” as in had sex, wich i doubt because im not stupid. Even if they didn’t have sex she still betrayed me on so many levels, as did Mark. I don’t think i will ever forgive them, i don’t feel like i will ever get in a place were i would even consider trying to.

So to anyone who has ever been trough a betrayal like this from partners or friend or both, what is my next step, how can i do to begin the process to just stop thinking about this and just start trying to live my life again?