I (32F) have been considering marriage as a goal at the end of dating. It has not been before. I didn’t grow up or surround myself with many married friends or value marriage that much. I have a few committed relationships but backout a few years in because I am ambivalent about children and marriage. I wish to remain childfree but the men I meet don’t have kids and they are looking to have them. I am currently dating without intentions due to my schedule and focus on career. I will perhaps resume dating seriously in my late thirties for better chance of dating men who already have kids.
So my question is do you date with a marriage goal in mind or just commitment or none at all? If the former, how did you date with such an intention or switch your mindset to get the commitment of marriage?
9 comments
Different strokes for different folks and all that. It’s up to you to figure out what you want and how badly you want it. I knew I wanted to get married (again) and wasn’t willing to compromise on that. Some people don’t and are adamant about it. Some people will go with whatever their partner desires.
There’s really no wrong way to be. Part of dating is figuring out ~what~ you want and what makes you happy. If you really, really don’t want to get married, then don’t force yourself to. Progressing a relationship that isn’t going where you want it to only leads to disaster and resentment.
I mean I think you have to make the decision for yourself. If you want to find your person, and spend your life with someone, it should absolutely be one of the things you address right away. A lot of people date and just kind of go with the flow but as you get older you have a better idea of what you want from life so it’s best to make your intentions known and not waste your time. That’s just my opinion of course
I think you have to decide what’s a reasonable goal and what type of relationship brings you joy.
You can set whatever goal you want . It’s no wrong or right answer
I think these are realistic relationship goals to pursue:
– Reliable, mutual, and consistent source of affection and emotional support
– Be the trustworthy emergency contact for each other
– Build and share a stable, comfortable, and fulfilling lifestyle together
– Have each other’s back no matter what happens in life
Not an answer to the question but when you say child free do you mean you don’t want to give birth specifically? Because a “better chance of dating men who already have kids” is quite the opposite of child free.
I date to meet new people and build connections/relationships with people who can potentially enrich my life in some way and whose life I can hopefully enrich in some way in return.
Why not just date to find your person?
I’m confused about your stance on children. You say you’re ambivalent, then you say you want to remain child free, then you say you have a better chance of meeting men that already have kids when you’re in your late thirties. These are ***three*** different positions on kids. Do you mean that you’re open to dating men that already have kids, as long as they don’t want to have more with you?