I’m 26F, been seeing a 24M for a couple months. I’m really into him, and I think we’re really compatible.

At the beginning, I’ve known he was into anime. I’ve been getting into it as well, with some of his recommendations.

He holds a regular, full-time job, but he also draws anime art to sell. He told me this when we initially started talking (seems like it’s his passion), and can probably quit his regular job to draw full time, but likes stability. Out of my own interest, I asked to see his art, and saw that he mostly drew girls (which I thought, ok a little weird, but maybe he just prefers drawing girls?). I couldn’t tell if they were underaged, but someone could tell me some of them were 15 and I wouldn’t disagree. It wasn’t porn or particularly sexualized, closer to a more paintery/artistic vibe.

Anyways, a couple months go by, and I finally get into his house, with the intentions of our first sexy time. He told me that he likes to take things slow, so I was super happy when he finally felt comfortable to move forward.

I get into his room, and the walls are filled with anime posters. There’s almost no white space. He has a shelf with a bunch of anime figurines, and another shelf filled with manga. I would say 90% of the material looked mostly normal, some were actually stunningly well drawn/painted. There were some that were quite suspect, like girls that are clearly underaged, and girls that are somewhat sexualized (very short skirts, cleavage, small panty shots), and both.

I mostly ignored all that and proceeded with my plan, since to be honest, I’ve been abstaining myself for too long. We were sexually compatible and I really enjoyed it.

But after we finished and I was looking up at the ceiling, which was indeed plastered with anime art, I couldn’t help but think, isn’t this pretty fucking weird? It felt almost obsessive, with how much of his room was anime. The only normal bits were his bed and floor.

He just seems so normal otherwise, that seeing his room feels like whiplash from what I expect. Is this a red flag? How should I explore this in a conversation to see if he’s actually a weirdo?

anime is not his only hobby btw, he plays guitar in a band, and also does hip hop dance with some local community. So it just feels so, out of character? to me.

27 comments

  1. The CEILING? That’s new.
    Overall I’d say that this is probably not a red flag. Your description of him doesn’t sound behaviorally obsessive- my inclination would be to think he’s probably been accumulating this stuff for a while, and that fandom probably helped him through a difficult period so he’s got a lot of nostalgic attachment. But it’s not itself a red flag, no.
    My roommate (26y) has started collecting anime posters and figures. It’s a way of soothing their inner child by fulfilling wishes they couldn’t at the time. Just having the merch is a type of emotional security, and makes them happy to see surrounding them. But other hobbies and activities are just as important in practice, consumerism aside.

  2. Everyone is entitled to like their own things. Someone may have professional athlete posters on their walls while others are into anime.

    The world is filled with people who enjoy different things. It is about accepting people for who they are rather than judging them. If you cannot stomach their personality, then you need to find someone else.

  3. As a man that’s in his 30’s and enjoys anime you have to take into consideration a lot of us don’t get to decorate our space until we’re on our own. We tend to go overboard when we do. Anime is fun fact of the matter it’s also a different culture to ours and things we see as cringe are just outright normal to them (Japan has actual panty vending machines it’s real and gross). Realistically it’s not a matter of the age of the characters. Some shows include characters that look 10 but are actually 30 year old house wives that’ll beat you with a broom. I’m not saying anime isn’t sus. There are more anime I wouldn’t recommend than I would and that’s coming from a fan. But any hobby that brings happiness, and in this case extra income is a good thing.

  4. Misuse of “red flag” – have a chat with him and ask him about it maybe? My SO is into AI art and is into fairies and women. His phone background is a drawing of a woman he drew. He ordered a canvas series of another expressive hooded lady. I don’t think much of it. I just noticed and asked him about it. It is his interest. I was a ballet dancer and am into bodies, muscles, lines etc. Could appear weird to some. I might admire a man’s calves if very defined. Nothing sexual at all, just beauty in my eyes. Get to know him more to figure out if it is a healthy obsession.

  7. No… but still have to draw some boundaries

    Green flags/acceptable behaviour:
    Collecting figurines, posters, stickers for laptop/car, saying fictional characters inspire him to do certain things (eg workout,martial arts) , cosplay

    Red flags:
    Using Chidori/RasenShuriken/KameHameHa to protect u against enemies, trying to summon Dark Magician/Blue Eyes white Dragon

    EDIT:Only idiots will try to change my mind

  8. I’ll be honest I don’t know a TON about anime but the flag I would be looking out for is underage content. If I were in your shoes I’d ask what the most controversial content he’s into is and just get it out of the way.

    I dated a Japanese girl for a bit who loved manga (and I love comic books) so that overlap gave us plenty to talk about. Provided what he’s interested in is kosher, maybe ask if there’s a good show you could watch together. You don’t have to like it, but if you try it it might spark a new interest.

  9. This whole thing kinda tells me you just don’t like anime, your guy likes it and It is weird that he gets that stuff but it’s not like it’s wrong.

  10. Anime characters tend to look young, kinda just how it is, so probably not his own choice but it could be.
    Considering you are older than him probably no issue here.

    And well some people fill their room with their hobbies some don’t, not just anime fans.

    Overall this all is just preference, do u hate it and can’t stand it? Then it’s done for.
    If not then you will probably be fine, it’s just a colorful room filled with his hobby. Though you could always ask him to take down a few posters to make it less overwhelming and see if he agrees. Don’t hurt to ask.

    Although im sure you will have comments here saying you can’t ask him to change him or his room for u bla bla. Not up to reddit to decide but for your date to decide.

  12. Not a red flag, I’m 26 f and i read manga, no one could tell from the way i dress or act.

  14. This is no different from a car guy who has a huge car collection of exotic cars and dedicated a garage to them. Or a guy with a movie library (knew a dude with a literal room dedicated to huge laser disc format movies- thousands of them, all catalogued by genre in alphabetical order in a yellowpages style book). Or a guy with a vinyl record library. Or a guy with a basement that is dedicated to working train models or some shit.

    A buddy of mine is into warhammer 40k. He’s married with kids and in his house he has his office… there are no walls visible. It is all display cases with glass fronts or book shelves. In the cases are entire armies of little figurines he painted. Thousands of them. The books… all stuff warhammer related, some sports stuff, autographs, etc. It’s probably my favorite room to hang in because I get to sit there and nerd the fuck out and look at how cool all these little figures are.

    You get the point. The medium is different.

    This dude is into anime. So the fuck what. If you have a problem with the way he decorates his bedroom space, that’s a different convo you can have with him if you stick around long enough to actually earn that right.

    Guys are into their hobbies. This guy of yours is into drawing and actually sells his artwork. I see the posters as likely visible inspiration. I’m sure he likes something about the particular ones he has pinned up. He might be lying on his bed at night thinking of how to draw a commission and see a particular detail in one of his posters that he will use. Like, hey I like the way those eyes are drawn, or the shape of that nose, that chin, etc and then apply those feature styles to his artwork.

    Have any artists friends? You should see their studios. You’ll understand.

  15. Oh yeah, definitely. Liking art is huge red flag – if you don’t like artists. Having said that, if he’s also into reality TV & Rom Coms – that means Green Flag Followed by the Checkered

  17. Nope

    Just a normal hobby that he enjoys a lot…a lot lot

    But not a red flag

    You could however talk with him about that if something still bugs you with it

  18. He primarily draws girls because that’s what sells. People buy anime girls more than anime dudes

  19. It sounds to me you’re the red flag OP. If you can’t respect his hobbies this isn’t gonna work.

    He seems like a put together dude, but you clearly judge him for his tastes, so I think it’s better for you both to move on.

  25. Reddit is extremely biased towards anime so take that into account when reading these comments. but no, it’s not a red flag, especially since he is an artist I’m sure supporting other artists and inadvertently filling up the room with art isn’t some obsessive nature

  26. Not really. I’ve known girls that were too much into anime, is not worse.

    I think it only is a problem if it affects his life negatively. Such as it takes so much money he’s having financial troubles, he has a hard time being focused on his job or being in the moment with people he’s around. If it isn’t negatively affecting him, I don’t think it’s a red flag.

    Or, if it interferes with his relationship with you.

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