I work for the suicide hotline and I have a bad habit of letting people talk too much. To the point where people start to spiral or they have ranted for an hour and we haven’t gotten to any support or problem solving. I apologize to callers when I let stuff like this happen and most people don’t mind as just talking about things helps them, but I can’t keep letting most of my calls go that way. I don’t think I’m doing my job well enough to actually help people. My boss says that I need to get more comfortable interrupting people and guiding the conversation to avoid those things happening.
I do this in my real life too. I let people go on and on and on. I’m pretty awkward and anxious and I let that stop me from being more active participant when it comes to my interactions. Especially my mom, she often changes the topic or talks over other people, don’t think she notices it at all. Now that I’ve noticed it I feel like a doormat/people pleaser all the time.
I guess I need to work on being less passive. How do I practice being more active/interactive with people, especially at my job?
4 comments
It seems to be very important in the work you do, to be able to control a conversation, especially in a crisis situation. Surely your organisation can suggest or even send you on some communication training? You can then incorporate your learnings into your personal life. If you want to get serious in this line of work, consider personal coaching sessions. It may also turn out that this particular line of work may not be suitable for you but that’s ok. There’s plenty of ways to help people in need.
Just spitballing (not a therapist or trained in any way), Try things like, “Excuse me friend, can we go back to talking about x you mentioned earlier? You sounded happy about x and I’d like to learn more about what it meant to you.”
Interrupting comes off as rude when it seems to only “benefit” the person interrupting. Often this takes the form of one-upping. But if you interrupt with a question or affirmation related to what the speaker was saying, it can come across as being interested/invested.
If you asked for details that were glossed over or said “Wow that sounds frustrating” for example, those seem like more acceptable forms of interruption
I would say be honest and up front about it. Just say, “Apologies but may I interject?” See how they reply but go from there.
As well try to find a way between their pauses to ask questions based on their previous answers/stories. It helps them know that you understand them and are more willing to give you that time to say your piece as well.