Last week I discovered that my husband has been texting escorts “for the thrill” and then blocking their numbers. He claims that porn was no longer exciting and this was strictly used to masturbate.
I tend to believe him for several reasons. One – I have full access and manage our finances. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Two – we are together most of the time, aside from the work day.
We have one child and a baby on the way. I’m honestly not as upset as I thought I would be and I do believe him. Despite that, he has still broken my trust and now I feel the need to “check in” on what he is doing from time to time. My only concern now is the behavior escalating. He did send me the entire list of his blocked numbers. It was honestly a ton of numbers. But it makes his story more believable because there is absolutely no way he could have acted on that number of them.
We have a decent sex life. This past year has been hard with our son, stressful jobs, etc. So I know we weren’t as connected as we have been in the past. I was honestly more hurt by the phone records and seeing the times he was messaging sometimes was when he was with me in the evenings. I enjoy sex and always thought I had a higher sex drive than him. Feels like he could have re-directed that energy.
Trying to find a way to use this as a positive and reignite our sex life and relationship. That, we could both work on. I’d like to find a way to creatively incorporate his fantasy into our sex life somehow to try and avoid any escalation of behavior. Any ideas are welcome. Not suggesting I want to hire an escort, but rather redirect his energy/focus while accommodating his fantasy.
That being said, I would like to occasionally monitor his phone. I have access to our phone records (although iMessage doesn’t show up on them). He also told me I can look at the phone whenever I want. My only concern is that he will be better about covering his tracks, or viewing things in “private mode”. Is there any way to track certain activity in real time, with his consent? I’ve never been one to check his phone. The worst part about all of this is that I now feel inclined to “trust but verify”. Any suggestions on how to keep him accountable but also build my trust are appreciated.
At this time – divorce is not on the table.
2 comments
Is separation on the table?
If your best friend told you her husband was texting escorts but “totally didn’t visit them” *while she was pregnant with his child*
What would you tell her to do???
What’s thrilling about it? Sex workers will not engage in dirty talk over text for free, that’s work to them too, so they will demand a fee. So what’s he getting off to? Being told early on that he needs to pay up? Seeing their rates? It’s BS.
Get tested at least and wear protection since divorcing an obvious John isn’t an option.