Previous post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA9478385939/comments/10m65ze/i_35m_was_incarcerated_and_lost_touch_with_33f/). The short version is that I was wondering whether I should try to contact my former girlfriend after I went to prison for a long time. The consensus was that I should, and people gave very good advice on how to do that.
First, I want to say thank you to everyone who offered advice or kind words. I had spent so long feeling ashamed about my situation, and expecting most people to react very negatively if they knew. I had barely discussed it with anyone before, except my dad and people whose job it is to help me (lawyers, therapist, etc.), and I was very surprised to be met with so much compassion from a bunch of complete strangers. Thank you, truly. Several people asked for an update, and that’s the least I can do in return.
I sent Daria a message the evening after I made my post. It was something like: «I don’t mean to intrude, but I wanted to say hello and thought I would give you my new contact information in case you ever felt like getting in touch. If not, that’s completely fine too.» I left her my mobile number and email address, wished her well, and that was that. I knew it might be a while before she responded, if she responded at all. So I tried to put it out of my mind.
Early monday morning, my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number from the country where Daria lives. Who else would ever be calling me from there? I panicked a little bit, but I managed to answer in time.
She asked a few times if it was really me, and I couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying. At first she called me by the very affectionate version of my name she used to. But then she quickly apologised and corrected herself, which broke my heart a little bit. It was an awkward phone call, but not in a bad way. I was extremely nervous, and it seemed like she was too. But happy, also.
Some of you mentioned that Daria would want to know that I was safe, and this was more true than I could have guessed. Because unrest in my country increased a lot during the last year I was in prison, she was afraid that they would decide to quietly kill me rather than let me go. There are documented cases of other prisoners like me having met very suspicious ends in the months before my release, so it wasn’t a totally unreasonable worry.
She also said she repeatedly tried to send me parcels of supplies and put money on my commissary account, but her attempts were rejected without explanation. After my sentencing, I was not allowed to receive correspondence or to have a commissary account at all, because of the classification of my crimes, so she was forced to give up. She told me this as an apology, as if I would have been disappointed with her for not helping me more. I had no idea she had done any of that. I do know that it was not a safe thing for her to do, and I feel terrible that she put herself at risk trying to make me a little more comfortable.
She didn’t seem to want to talk about what happened any more than that, and so we didn’t. We changed the subject to more lighthearted things: our jobs, the cities where we live, how my dad is adapting to a new country, etc. When she arrived at work and had to end the phone call, she asked if I wanted to continue talking through a messaging app. Obviously I said yes, and downloaded it immediately. We sent messages throughout the day, and she even interrupted her commute home to send me a picture of a restaurant modelled after one of my favourite books, just because she thought I would like it. She told me that she thought of me every time she saw it, but unfortunately the restaurant itself was not so good. I was afraid she wouldn’t remember me, but she even remembers the things I liked to read? She remembers a lot of little things, even stuff I forgot.
We have been sending messages back and forth ever since, and talking on the phone after I finish work at night, until she gets too sleepy. Sometimes it feels like I’m 24 and she’s texting me from a few blocks away, as if the next thing she might ask is what’s for dinner. Other times it seems like we’re trying to will dead versions of ourselves back to life in order to avoid acknowledging what we’ve lost. She seems a lot more timid than she used to, more passive, which I suppose makes sense. Sometimes I worry about how much I’ve changed, and that maybe she won’t find anything left in me that’s worthy of her. But if I could express in words what it feels like to hear her laugh, I could explain that there’s also a lot that we know very well. She hasn’t lost her kindness, or her warmth, or her empathy. She still cares about me, and I still care about her. I know that rebuilding a friendship after all that’s happened will take lots of patience, and I have plenty to spare. I’m just happy to have the chance to get to know her again.
This morning, Daria asked if I want to have a video call sometime this weekend. I agreed, but I’m ashamed to admit that as much as I want to see her, I’m very nervous. I look so different than she would remember. My jaw is messed up, and I have the teeth of a hockey player. (Fortunately, I will qualify for healthcare insurance soon and be able to have it fixed.) I lost weight that I haven’t put back on, and I see an old man in the mirror. I’m also worried that I will get very emotional when I see her, and embarrass myself that way. I don’t really cry in front of people. I’m not used to it, and this doesn’t seem like a good occasion to start. Aside from not wanting to appear pitiful, I don’t want her to feel forced to comfort me. If anyone has some advice on how to handle this, it would be much appreciated.
Overall, this week could not have gone better, and I am extremely grateful to everyone who gave me the little push of courage I needed to send her that message. A thousand times, thank you.
TL;DR: I sent a message to my former partner, she was thrilled to receive it, and we have been happily getting to know each other once again.
44 comments
Awwwwwwww! What a lovely story to read, I really needed that this morning, thank you so much for sharing with us! Super happy for you!
congrats! you did your time and now you have a future to look forward too. Maybe with Daria or not but even if not? it’s nice to know she cared about you, didn’t forget about you and wants to at least be friends. That’s always nice to have in life lol.
Rock on!
I remember your post, I remember replying to it. I am glad you followed the advice lots of us gave you.
I am actually going to just sit here and cry my tears of joy that you may get a good ending after all from what we advised you.
Just remember one step at a time.
Edit: don’t be afraid to cry. Even if together forever is not meant to be. This reunion is big enough for the tears to flow. Hell I am tearing up reading you post.
I’m not crying. You’re crying!
I’m so very happy that you got in touch with her OP. All the best for the future.
I’m so so happy to read your update!! OP, you deserve everything good and I’m sure Daria feels the same about you that you do her. I bet she’s beyond happy to be able to hear you laughing with her again as well.
As for advice regarding the video call, maybe you could go out and get a haircut before you talk to her, and wear a nice shirt on the day? I don’t think Daria is going to judge you one way or the other but it could act as a nice boost to your self confidence before you see her face-to-face for the first time in so long :))
All the very best OP, I wish you nothing but happiness!! I’m hoping for read another heartwarming update like this one next week!
I didn’t see your 1st post at the time, but I’ve read both now. What a heartwarming story! Women love real emotion, don’t worry if tears fall. I am glad you are safe and you should be proud for standing up for your convictions. I, for one, will be praying for your happily ever after.
Such a heartwarming update.
Regarding your video call with her and being nervous about it, maybe let her know in advance how you feel about it? Both of you have changed physically, it’s almost been a decade since you saw each other so of course you will not look the same. Maybe ask for picture exchange before your video call, if that will make you comfortable. That way she will see you and you will see her so it might be less nerve wrecking. But I think communicating with her how you feel might be the best.
Good luck and I wish you the best!
I remember your story, and I am so happy that you ended up messaging her! It sounds like she hasn’t been able to forget you either, and that says something.
My piece of advice is: on the video call, be yourself. Don’t worry about your looks (we all get older with time, she won’t look the same way she did back when you two were together either), and don’t worry about being too emotional. It is an emotional situation, so be however you feel in the moment. She may cry too, and that’s perfectly ok.
I hope you end up even happier after your talk, keep us posted, I am rooting for you!
UpdateMe!
I haven’t even read the first post, but I will add this is such a great outcome. Advice…she won’t give a crap what you look like, she is also nervous that’s she’s changed as well. And for her to ask for a video call she’s not as nervous as you. Go for it and if you cry fucking cry. Life is so short, literally a blink.
Please update when you have a chance. I think everyone here is rooting for you to have an awesome reunion.
I am truly thrilled to see an update, one with good news as well!
Just take your time, no rushing and enjoy one another’s company – it’s so sweet to know she was trying to get in touch with you but clearly this is all part of the process you were put through to cut you off from everyone outside.
Really pleased you’ve been able to reconnect and continue to talk – best of wishes and luck to you both for the future!
This is so cute, i’m so happy for both of you.
Great update! It’ll be emotional for both of you, but don’t be afraid to cry. You are still so in love with her, and it sounds like her with you. Best of luck ❤️
I am so happy for you dude. I saw your original post and didn’t think it would turn out as positive as this, I’m glad I was wrong.
Don’t worry about crying in front of her, there’s a history between you two and unresolved emotions. I’d be surprised if neither of you cried.
I wish you the best for the future.
I am so happy to hear that things went so well and you are back in such wonderful contact!
I personally wouldn’t worry too much about your appearance. You could get a haircut and shave before making the call, but really, I think she will just be happy to actually have the visual confirmation that you’re alive.
And please don’t be ashamed of looking the way you do. You went through hell and hell leaves scars, emotionally and physically. The way you look is what a survivor looks – and that is what matters: You survived. She clearly had thought a lot about you and worried about you, so seeing you alive is what this is about. Your jaw or teeth might not be perfect anymore, but they are the jaw and teeth of a living person. And that fact alone matters a lot more than if they are straight.
I read the title as “I was reincarnated..” and thought *oh boy, here we go*
Was very undisappointed
This is truly lovely ❤️
Are you happy to have a friendship with her though? I don’t want you to be in any more emotional pain (If you eg) fall back in love with her or further in love with her)
Just explain to her you are not ready for a video call… you can tell her why. she will understand (though I’m sure she will try to reassure you).
I hope you are ok! You are doing so well 🙂
They can cut all of your flowers, but they can’t stop the spring from coming. Remember that poem!
Crying is OK. Crying is normal and necessary sometimes. It releases pain relieving chemicals in your brain. It’s such a shame we make it hard for men to let go like that.
You write well.
Aw love do you think anybody think that you might get killed and lived with that anxiety would judge how you look now? Dont focus on that and try to have a open and honest connection
She sounds so lovely, and I think she is going to understand about the toll your imprisonment took on you. I’m so glad you reached out and reconnected. I am wishing you a long life of health and happiness.
I truly enjoyed this post. So well written. You are a wordsmith and should write a book about this journey when this chapter ends.
Oftentimes for men crying in front of other people is the hardest thing to do. But you deserve to feel and express your emotions, especially during such a beautiful and intense moment.
I remember reading your original post and being so touched by it. I’m rooting for you, we all are.
Do the video call. Relationships REQUIRE vulnerability, and I can see this is making you feel quite vulnerable. It’s always a risk, but gosh, quelle reward! Best of luck to you.
Yeah I’m gonna need these updates to keep coming. This story is giving me life! My cold heart is warmed.
Oh my goodness!! It’s a love story in the making!!! Please keep us updated. I have no life and live thou reddit posts.
Kiddo, you are both going to cry. Life is bittersweet sometimes and that’s OK. She lost you and her brother, all the what if’s are going to come to the surface. Cry it out. Sending best wishes.
I am so invested in this story and really look forward to future updates. I wish you both all the happiness in the world.
Gorgeous update! Do the video call! The things we love most in people don’t change as much as we think. I’m sure both of you will have similar expressions and the same eyes you used to see each other through 🖤
This is wonderful! Reading this absolutely made my day. So glad you reached out to her and that you’re getting reacquainted with each other!
Also, in your original post, you were apologizing for your English. Please don’t apologize! Your English is perfect and you’re an excellent writer! Both of your posts were a pleasure to read. 😊
Thanks so much for this update. Don’t worry about how you look on video. The girl you remember is gone too. She is an older woman now and maybe insecure to talk to you as well.
Feeling raw emotions are what life is truly about DONT have anxiety of the unknown flow of emotions from the shocking and jarring situation of this reality, it’s so natural and very much so warranted here. Let the tears flow, let yourself smile, fucked teeth or not, let yourself be human and ENJOY IT. So fucking happy to see you both reunited in a beautiful way, we’re all rooting for y’all!
When a woman loves a man, she doesn’t care how he looks or how his appearance has changed. She will see only the man that she loves. Good luck
I am really happy that you two found each other again, whatever the future holds.
She just wants to see you. However you look, however you are, *you*, she wants to see you. I’m sure she most wants to see your eyes, because that is what will tell her the stories your words and scars cannot.
Be assured that this is just her reaching out. She just wants to be closer to you. That is all. I don’t think there is anything about you that could make her reject you.
I’m so happy for you OP wishing you and Daria all the best❤️ this post made my shitty week a little brighter thanks
Where did these onions come from?
Take it slow but the girl clearly still has feelings for you. Go get her king
Vulnerability is never a bad thing. To be vulnerable in front of someone you once loved, or someone you still love, is strong.
Tell her how you tell, and tell her how you think you look so she can mentally prepare herself maybe? Then she wouldn’t get a shock. Just tell her what you said herE, that you feel ashamed and nervous. Send her a photo even. She sounds like she still cares, even if it was for old times sake.
Even if you get emotional and cry in front of her, don’t be ashamed. It can help you, mentally, to release those emotions. And what better way than in front of someone you love?
Wishing you well. Good luck!!
This is fucking wholesome as shit and I’m so happy for you brother
Video call advice :
Send a picture of yourself on one of the days before – that will give her time to register how you look now, and not have to deal with that as additional processing burden during your conversation.
Ugh. I got something in my eye while I was reading this and could barely finish.
All the best, OP.
Do you have the text of your previous post somewhere? Unddit can’t recover it, and I want to read the whole story!