I am pretty selective when swiping, so I don’t feel like I go crazy swiping right or responding to likes/comments. Even still, that seemingly reasonable amount of swiping/responding leads to matches, which lead to date requests.
I find myself not sure how to handle scheduling and now have a number of dates scheduled for this week and weekend. I’m very early in the dating game, so I don’t want to exclude a possibility, but it also feels a little odd to have dates night after night. I’ve been trying not to text too much before I meet people, so I really don’t have any idea which dates are likely to pan out. I also know it’s a numbers game, so I don’t want to just put all my eggs in one date’s basket and drag out the process. I’m ready to be in a relationship, and I want to be off the apps.
Are there any best practices here so as not to get too overwhelmed? Do I just start unmatching or turning down dates, even if I might be interested, due to scheduling constraints? Start scheduling further out? Stop swiping/responding until I process current matches and see how those play out? Treat this like a job until it pays off, which might mean multiple dates in a week?
I’ve only dabbled with OLD after a few LTRs, and I often feel like I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to do, how to juggle things, or general etiquette.
I really hope I do not come across as, “so many people want to date me!” It’s truly not my intention. I know some people struggle to get dates, and this may seem like a non-problem to some. It is weighing on me, however, and I’m really not sure how to manage it.
19 comments
Is this post just a humble brag?
I suggest you find whatever is a sustainable pace for you.
You seem to know what you want and understand the road there might not be a straight line, that’s great! Nevertheless, no one can predict how many dates you’ll go on before you meet the person you are looking for. It could be 10, it could be 204. So just don’t loose yourself in OLD and don’t be afraid to change the pace as you go.
If you exhaust yourself then dating becomes a chore. I once had 4 dates in a week but realized that meeting 4 new people in a week was too much (for me). I try not to match with too many at a time.
I agree with the other person saying to find a pace that works for you.
I don’t start/respond to conversations with more than 10 people at once. Over a day or two, generally the conversation with stop with a few of them, which will cut the number in about half.
Once I’m getting to a point with ~5 matches that we’ve been talking for a couple days and I want to hang out with them, I turn the dating app on snooze and stop swiping.
From there, I start moving the ones that I see the most potential with forward. I usually don’t plan first dates with more than 3-4 people at a time, otherwise I get overwhelmed. Ideally, I find one or two of those people that I want to keep seeing.
If not, I restart the process.
I’m currently going on dates as many men as I’m interested in who are interested in me: that’s about 5 so I have a date every night . I really want to find a husband this year and need to keep my options way open to find love. I’m also still swiping and open to meeting more irl etc. I cut it off after date 3 if I’m still unsure
Just pick people whom you’re most excited about. Trust your gut. Not wanting to exclude a possibility is like a form of FOMO.
Sometimes you can let the conversations die out and try to pick them back up. Just don’t do that to the same person over and over.
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I don’t do more than 3 first dates a week. This is what works for me personally, any more and I start to forget who is who and they blur together.
I’m sort of in the same predicament as you. 34M started dating again for the first time after an 8 years LTR. I went full blitz this first month. 8-10 first dates. Out of those dates, I was only interested in exploring things further with two women. One thing I noticed was that the way someone converses through text often translates to first dates. You can get a pretty good idea of how well an in person conversation will flow based on their messages. Can they hold a conversation through text? Do they know how to ask follow up questions? Do they know how to answer basic questions? I use this as a filter now when deciding if I should ask a women on a first date. My sample size is probably small here, but the two women I pursued things beyond the first date had the same conversing skill through messages from the apps.
I have found for me that talking to/going on dates with more than 3 people around the same time quickly becomes too overwhelming. Once I have 2-3 promising options I will usually stop swiping and just focus on getting to know those people. 3 is even a lot for me.
If I swiped right on everyone I was remotely interested in, it would become totally unsustainable to keep up with all of hose conversations.
I can only do one new date a week. And I would venture to even say just one date in general a week. I like my me time, and I don’t have a lot of free time outside of work and my hobbies. So I don’t go on a ton of dates each week. And when I do, it starts to feel like a chore. I know it’s annoying for some people. But whatever, it’s exhausting to date and meet new people.
Make sure you have enough non-dating related activities in your schedule to balance it out. Do your hobbies. See your friends. Workout. Go see that show. Etc. Then fit 2-3 short first dates around the rest of your activities.
If all you are doing is going on 5 first dates a week you are going to burn out and/or get jaded. Keep your life going and fit dating into it, not the other way around. Best of luck to you!
I personally would rather focus my attention on one person, if they fit the bill for me. The idea of dating more than one person I find overwhelming
It’s always been fascinating over all these years reading the perspective of the other side and their own unique challenges.
I used to match in batches if that makes sense. I would match with several people and then stop looking once I had a few conversations going. That kept me from becoming overwhelmed with date requests and allowed me to get to know a few people at a time and see if there were any I genuinely liked. It also allowed me to still have time for myself. I met my current partner after just a couple months of doing this, so I’d say it worked pretty well.
You just have to figure out how many dates per week you’re comfortable with and how many conversations you can have going without feeling overwhelmed. There’s no wrong answer here, and remember, you can always tell someone you’re busy and need to schedule a few days or a week out. Stick to the boundaries you feel comfortable with.
I’ve tried several different things. What works for me is to have a batch of 5-10 and see where those go. So I’ll have a lot of dates the first week but I won’t swipe or talk to new people until they all die out. From experience this translates to 4-5 first dates the first week, then 1-2 second dates the week after, if I’m lucky one of those will lead to a 3rd and possibly more .
I kinda max out at 2 per week.
Any more than that and I feel overwhelmed.
I work 8-5 so I need a few nights “off” to workout , relax, see friends and just veg. Also, for me, dating is stressful. Even if I’m just meeting someone for the first time. It takes a lot of my emotional and mental energy to go on a date.
It sounds bad but last Sunday I went on 3 coffee/walking dates back to back to back.
It was great to enjoy a nice day outdoors, but by the end of it I was so overwhelmed and exhausted from talking.
Do what’s best for you and what makes you happiest including taking care of your mental health 🙂
I work a lot, so one date a week max if the person is new, more if we’ve gone out before.