We’ve been married for a year but have been on and off for 9. We have an almost 1 year old together. I’m a stay at home mom/home maker and going to school full time. He’s the breadwinner, owns a business and works 20-45 hours a week depending on the week.
I’m in therapy and he won’t go to therapy. He won’t even do couples therapy as he thinks these problems are things we can get through on our own. These aren’t and I’m not sure what to do anymore.
I’m miserable. We don’t hangout, we aren’t friendly, we don’t even have sex anymore. It’s like we’re just friends/roommates.
I keep asking him if we can go on a nice date and get dressed up/get out and he just says I’m crazy for trying to spend his money.
He will say HORRIBLE things to me and just snap at me. He will tell me I’m a horrible mom, I’m nothing, I have daddy issues, I’m a loser, I my anxiety will never get better, I’ve ruined our child’s life, blah blah blah. It hurts and I’m building a lot of resentment even if he brings home flowers, cards and chocolates; apologizing. And he just apologizes, he doesn’t want to discuss it.
And I’m no Saint, I will say mean things back and snap back.
For example yesterday he came home from work after 4 hours and our toddler was exhausted and I’m recovering from a nasty stomach bug so I asked him if he could put her down for a nap and he snapped at me saying something like “It’s not like I took care of her over the weekend or anything” so I snapped back and said “acting like you’ve taken the brunt of everything for 11 months; funny” and stormed out of the room to put her to sleep.
Well today, I woke up and cleaned all day, excited for him to come home so I could apologize and we could have a good day.
Then he walks in the house pissed because I bought our daughter a 9$ cake topper for her birthday (WHEN HE LOOKED AT THE ETSY ORDER AND OKAYED IT BEFORE I HIT SUBMIT). Saying how all I do is spend recklessly, I am not smart with money, blah blah blah.
I said “I’m sorry. I cleaned all day and was going to apologize for yesterday so we could have a good day together”
He said in a mocking girl voice “oh thank you sooooo much for cleaning” “I spent the same time at work”.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m miserable. It’s making my mental health worse and I’m trying hard to cope with antidepressants and therapy but I think it’s stemming from these issues in our marriage.
What the fuck do I do? I can’t do this anymore. Everyday it’s something. Everyday I’m a piece of shit.
3 comments
You have abusive narcissistic husband. I doubt he will improve.
As an older man who’s been around, I wish I could ~~yell at~~ have a chat with him because he’s dead wrong at every turn, if he wants to keep this family.
Won’t do therapy because he thinks he can get through on his own. With what knowledge and resources, I ask? Because he’s clearly ignorant to the basics of having a healthy relationship. I could point him to [this sub’s wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/wiki/index) where he could spend months learning and improving many critical skills. But would he do the work?
Girl take the baby to daycare. Get a part time job. Find a career. Stack your coins. Leave and if you want to stay at least u can spend $9 when you want to.