My ex and I were together from October 2017 to September 2022 a few months shy of the 5 year mark. For years she would always bring up issues of things I was doing wrong and I would fix it with how she said she wanted. Sometimes the fix she told me and the fix she actually wanted were completely opposite, leaving me to try to read her mind constantly. Any time I would have an issue she would breakdown and say how awful she is until I dropped it and consoled her instead. I got tired of this one sided communication so I brought it up to which the same breakdown would occur and I would be the one having to console her and drop the issue. So after the first 4 years of this treatment I decided I wasn’t going to read her mind and if she had an issue she would need to communicate the exact response she wanted and that’s what I’d do but I’m not playing mind games anymore, I told her all of this and reminded her anytime an issue would get brought up. Nothing changed.
She brought up an issue of talking to this girl I casually met at a bar, strictly platonic. I disclosed all information about bar girl with gf and she said it was okay to continue talking. I never messaged bar girl and we only discussed things in person when we both happened to be at the bar that night. Never a planned outing. Developed a friendship over time. Gf would bring up that she was insecure about bar girl so I’d offered to stop contact trying to communicate clear as possible. She would always tell me she didn’t want me to do that. (she wanted me to read her mind although telling me to do the opposite)
Months later gf says she wants to go to bars to make friends alone. Fully trusting her I encourage it. Gf comes home and tells me about these guys she talked to and says they plan to go out for breakfast. It sounded flirtatious but I trust her. When gf mentions she is taken the breakfast is canceled because the guy didn’t want to just be friends. This scenario happened 2 more times.
Still attempting to meet new friends she continued the hunt. She met a guy that is a customer at her job. She tells me about him and I’m excited for her. The next day he takes her to lunch on her break. She tells me and I mention that’s weird but I trust her. They continue hanging out to the point where I’m in the background. Ignoring plans with me while making exact same plans with this guy. She comes home one night after drinking and tells me he was drunk and trying to lure her into the bedroom. She stated she left right after that. The next morning I see they are still talking. I inform her that he crossed a boundary and I would like her to block him, since his intentions are clearly more than friendship. She did. The next day I end up in the ER needing surgery, it went well and she took the next day off work to help me recover. The next day she is at work and goes to lunch with the guy she “blocked” she cheated on me that week while I was at home recovering from surgery.
We broke up and she immediately started dating him. I have it two months and invited bar girl to hang out. Nothing happened between me and bar girl, we continued to talk.
Ex comes back into picture and I say I need time to decide if I can trust you again until then we aren’t in a relationship, I’m not looking around either. We hookup a few times I ask if she’s talking to anyone to assess the situation, she tells me no 4 weeks in a row. I find out she’s cheating but with me not on me this time. I message her new bf and let him know as soon as I found out.
We both agreed to attempt to work things out but I haven’t made any demands and now she is demanding I block bar girl. I never was unfaithful so this seems like an unfair request. But now I have to decide if I want my ex who hurt me or a friend who hasn’t.
Thoughts?
36 comments
TLDR
Nah. Just from the title, leave her. She wants to “work things out” by isolating you because of something she did.
You obviously don’t want this ex back, they’re awful.
She sounds like a nightmare.
Wow. So. She goes on the hunt in bars specifically for male friends? That’s nuts. She cheats on you. She then cheats with you. But, hey, she’s such a lovely human so let’s give it a try. But wait, I am not allowed to speak to a friend that I’ve never been appropriate with because you don’t trust me. Okay sweetie. Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a nice man. Find a nice woman.
*I only read the title.
Your girlfriend is trying to make YOU atone for HER sins. Absolutely not. Dump her.
LOL…….. No really LOL
Move on Bro
Why would you want your ex? She is an awful , lying cheater. Why would taking her back even cross your mind? Get rid of her!
Don’t get back together with her. Show a little self-respect and find someone you’ll be happy with not in constant missery.
Also she is obviously on the path of being a serial cheater, so why on earth would you even consider getting back together.
What about the bar girl, she seems nice?
She’s a serial cheater. Kick this one to the curb.
Just leave. She manipulated you while in a relationship, cheated on you, came back & manipulated you and had you unwillingly participate in cheating. Why would you put yourself back in that relationship? Clean break and block the ex.
You should take some serious time to revaluate your relationship with your gf/ex. Do YOU want to work things out? Are you willing to continue dealing with her bs? Do you/can you trust her moving forward? You really should take a step back from this girl/dating in general for awhile. Nothing about anything you described above is healthy.
If you are really thinking about taking her back do it! You both deserve each other! She will put her crazy on you and cheat and you let her.
Have some self-respect and leave this situation with your ex. You have been doing the heavy lifting in this relationship the entire time, she isn’t going to suddenly change or communicate. And now that trust is gone. She cheated ON you while recovering from surgery and then used you to cheat on the new guy. Why would you want to be with someone who is so manipulative and has zero morals?
I understand being with someone for a long time and wondering if you’re doing the right thing. I was there. I was cheated on. Walking away from something that obviously wasn’t working and where there was no trust or communication was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Just walk away.
It’s in your best interests to walk away.
kick her out.
she was already toxic before she cheated. And I pretty sure she did it to as a revenge because of your friend.
stay free, find a love, avoid drama queen.
Jesus dude, pull the plug on this rotting corpse of a relationship and stop wasting your time and energy on it. Your “girlfriend” (and I’m using the term as loosely as humanly possible) is deeply manipulative, incredibly controlling, and pathologically unfaithful. And since she’s cheating on everyone 24/7 she’s projecting on to you and acting like YOU’RE a cheater too. And the fact that she’s still paranoid about you cheating means she is likely still cheating on you even now. She probably fucked two strangers while you were writing this post.
I have no idea why you would tolerate any demands whatsoever from this toxic trainwreck, but then again I also have no idea why you stayed with her after any of the other things that happened in this post. The entire story is a trainwreck of bad decisions on your part from the jump. Why the hell would you date this person for a week, let alone five years? Why would you take her back after she cheated on you in such a horrible way? Why would you entertain any demands from her regarding how YOU interact with other women considering she’s a serial cheater who seems to have no interest in stopping?
>But now I have to decide if I want my ex who hurt me or a friend who hasn’t. Thoughts?
My main thought right now is “I can’t believe this guy has to ask this question.” Did you read anything you just wrote??
In the words of my mama:
“Boy if you don’t leave that crazy damn girl alone!“
But seriously….fucking stop lmao literally not a soul on this Earth worth all of that heartache. Also get an STD test she is GROSS. You deserve no mind games, healthy love and no cheating. She deserves nothing and ESPECIALLY doesn’t deserve to be making any damn demands. And per her own words: yes she is fucking awful lol
Why would want to work things out with her? She cheated while you were recovering & she went straight to him after the break up…let him have her
She cheated on you, then she cheated on her boyfriend with you and after that you came to the conclusion the best move is to get back with her? wtf do you have neg iq or some shit?
She cheats, then makes demands.
LMAO. Your house I am sure has a door.
Show it to her!
There is litterstly not a single thing in your post that puts your ex in a positive light, you know she will cheat on you, you know she can’t communicate for shit, you know of your sick or recovering from a surgery she will go have sex with another guy. What are you doing how desperate are you to want that in your life my man. Besides she always wants the opposite of what she says so you should not block the bar girl but go date her.
So she cheated, but you’re the one who has to make concessions? Stop simping and put yourself out of your own misery. It’s trash day, but you keep rooting through the cans trying to bring it back inside your house. Let the garbage trucks do their job.
Chris, apart from drama, betrayal, lies and insecurity what does this woman actually bring to the table?
I think her asking you to block your female friend is the least of your concerns. Why would you want to be with a person that’s a proven liar, a serial cheater and an all-around toxic mess? Not worth waiting until your dick falls off to call it quits.
Do you want me to see the future for you no charge. She cheats with 4 more guys but y’all get back together each time. Your in control of your future go back in time to the present and not get an std and fight over who’s the baby daddys going to be and leave her.
If you get back with her
1. You will probably regret it.
2. You may develop resentment issues.
3. She will probably make the rest of your relationship/life hell.
You’ve seen this film and you’ve read this story before. You know how it ends. Move on
She’s a jealous, controlling, repeat cheater. Why would you want her in your life?
What a shitshow. Listen man, I know you have an attachment to this woman but she fuckin sucks. Lying, cheating, manipulating all over the place. I’ve had one just like her and I guarantee the sex is awesome. The act of fucking someone you can’t trust tends to take on a separate meaning…a role all of it’s own in the relationship. You might feel like you’re taking back the power that was robbed from you when she betrayed you but that isn’t healthy or a desirable way to go through life. She is a shit person who will always take from you more than she puts back Go now. Go zero contact. And make a note that this is what dishonesty looks like in a woman and avoid it an all future partners.
Dump this toxic cheater.
LMAO! Dump this sack of shit masquerading as a human being already, she reeks.
I’d suggest staying single and finding a therapist to work on your self-esteem ussues.
RUN.
You want to take back a manipulative ex who cheated on you, and then with you.
ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND AND STUPID?
How many damn red flags screaming run the other fucking way are there?
Dude please don’t do this. Leave her ass alone.
She manipulates you, cheats on you, cheats with you, then puts stipulations on you getting back together.
If you get back with her, you deserve everything that happens.
She’s not in a position to issue ultimatums.
“I want to make things better, but only on the condition that…” should be greeted with, “In other words, you don’t actually want to work out a damned thing. Pack your toothbrush and GTFO.”
Some people just seem to be addicted to drama.
Thoughts?
You need your head examined if you’re considering getting back with this woman.