I (26M) recently got a FWB (27F) who has herpes. We’re in a short term relationship as she is moving across the country in 3 months. But we have a really strong connection and enjoy spending time together. I’ve never been able to talk to someone so naturally and honestly the way I talk to her. She also said she hasn’t felt a connection like this in a really long time. She’s great in every way. But my friend (who doesn’t have the best opinions) suggests that her having herpes is a total deal breaker. We use condoms, she’s medicated, wont fuck me if she’s having an out break, and I eat her out.
We have amazing sex, our sexually chemistry is also very strong. But my friend says that it’s not worth it, I will eventually get herpes regardless of the protection we use. I like her a lot and want to ride this out until she moves. Is it worth it to continue having sex with her? Will I eventually catch it? Is there more ways to avoid catching herpes from her?
I don’t think it is right to throw this away just because she has herpe
19 comments
No. Definitely not.
For me personally it is a deal breaker. There’s always a chance of it happening especially if she often has outbreaks. I think the type matters a lot too. While I do understand a giant percent of the world population has herpes (I’m just saying something I remembered from health class in high school) if you are really worried about contracting it then you should cease all sexual forms of activity with her.
But at the end of the day only you can decide if it’s worth it or not. If you do get herpes are you comfortable telling all future partners about it and realizing the impact it will have on your dating life? Herpes is for life not some cold or flu you can get rid of in at most 3 weeks.
Hard pass.
You can get herpes my eating her out. Might want to get tested.
who cares what others think, do what you want, just be safe
I mean, you’ve kinda already crossed that bridge…
If she’s medicated and you use protection/don’t hook up during outbreaks, the risk is extremely extremely low. Also is it HSV 1 or 2? If 2, then it is difficult (almost impossible) to be transmitted via oral sex. Also tbh, a significant number of people have a form of herpes, so it’s not uncommon, at least she’s aware and treating it. Ultimately, it’s really your call on what you’re comfortable with, risk-wise.
I mean, I wouldn’t risk it tbh because there’s always a chance to catch it. But that’s just me, if you think it’s worth it who cares?
Depends. My husband technically has it but has taken Valtrax (I think that’s the daily pill he takes) since he got it which was over 20 years ago. He only had the first break out and none since. So I feel safe having sex with him etc. I would feel differently if he had break outs often.
has your friend ever had cold sores? well, you can tell him that’s a form of herpes, my friend.
48% of the US population has HSV-1, whereas 12% have HSV-2. that means people with herpes are even more common than redheads, and think about how often you see redheads.
*nudge nudge* also, 67% of the US population has the herpes simplex virus!
https://khealth.com/learn/herpes/statistics/
Herpes isn’t even really that big of a deal, like mentioned above a large portion of the US has oral herpes. The stigma was really built by drug companies to sell more drugs: https://slate.com/technology/2019/12/genital-herpes-stigma-history-explained.html . Honestly I would still go for it, especially since she’s taking precautionary measures.
My current crush got herpes from a woman who was practicing safe sex in exactly this manner. He refuses to bed anyone now because he doesn’t want to pass it on how he got it. It’s affected his life seriously and is now affecting our ability to have a relationship.
It has been torturous spending long evenings by my fireplace absolutely basking in his company but feeling like we can never be together unless we get married at some point and I commit to getting herpes myself.
This is a very serious decision that you should not take lightly. There is no cure for herpes and you are going to force every partner for the rest of your life to wrestle with this dilemma if you catch it.
As sb said who cares what others think
As a positive person – I would say no, mainly because this is a fling and herpes is forever. If you catch it, you will have to disclose it to everyone you sleep with for the rest of your life. You will lose partners over it. You will need constant medication if you decide to go that route. If it s a long-term relationship, of course go for it, especially since she is medicated. But for 3 months? I wouldn’t. That said, you already have. So, idk. The chance you got it is very low, but never 0.
For three months of sex? That seems like I risk I wouldn’t be willing to take for something short-term, but you do you. Or, her, I guess.
Bruh you nasty…the lengths some men will go to get mediocre pussy is pathetic.
I would consult a doctor at the risk you may have. I would use a dental dam for oral.
This question is a joke, right?
That’s so gross. Seriously you would still be with her after she disclosed her status as having herpes. Did she get fully tested for everything? She needs to keep getting tested because HIV has a long incubation period.
Do what you want, yuck!