TLDR: my ex was being pushy about me trying to eat with chopsticks, but I was getting anxious as he was visibly upset with me for not getting how to do it fast.
So, me and my ex visited a sushi place last winter. He often ate sushi, so he mastered using chopsticks. I, on the other hand, can count the amount of times I ate sushi using one hand.
I wasn’t good with chopsticks, so I wanted to ask a waiter for a fork. My ex protested, and told me he was going to teach me.
At first he was fairly patient, but when I wasn’t able to hold chopsticks well and dropped sushi like 5 times, he started to get pissed off, and was almost humiliating me.
Then, in a very cold tone, he asked a waiter for “newbie” chopsticks, and I was finally able to eat the meal.
But he remained silent for like 10 minutes, and was visibly sad.
I understand that he wanted to teach me a new skill, but I was getting anxious and he ignored that.
I wasn’t angry at him at that moment, but I was very upset with myself as I was making him feel embarrassed for me.
Was this okay for him to do? Idk, it was my like 4th or 5th time trying sushi, and I am 19
12 comments
Frankly, it is not okay for him to do that. Everyone has different things that they are good at or not; using chopsticks is one of them. Besides, as far as I know, Japanese also use their hands to eat sushi? And using forks is also allowed.
I’m glad he’s your ex now.
This is a shitty thing for him to do. It would have been fine for you to insist on using a fork. It’s nice that you wanted to try and learn the chopsticks, and it would have been totally fine for you to stop him at any point and say, “I don’t like your tone or how this is going, so I’m just going to use a fork.” Sometimes those things are very difficult to say in the moment, however, especially if you’re in an environment where you’re feeling a little out of your element.
Did he ever apologize? Would you like him to? Even if this was a one-off thing, I don’t think it’s a terrible idea to bring it up and tell him that you didn’t like how he treated you that day, and that you would like him to apologize. If this sort of thing is a pattern in your relationship, then I would start to re-think things in a larger way.
It’s not ok for him to have humiliated you or ignored your anxieties and protested you getting what you needed. Though I will say it was probably not about him trying to teach you a new skill, but more about him not wanting to be embarrassed by his partner eating sushi with a fork at a sushi restaurant. But you could have just said “the chopsticks aren’t working for me so I’m going to pick it up with my hands, thanks” and he should have accepted that and moved on.
Always No.
He was a total jackass. Always feel free to ask for a fork.
They want you to enjoy the meal, I promise.
The only people who are little shits about not being skilled with chopsticks in North America, are pretentious white people. Forks and Spoons are totally a thing in Japan.
If you want to travel to a country where chopsticks are the norm, definitely make a renewed effort to learn as a sign of respect. Learn, at home, in private and without pressure. If you’re eating in a restaurant in large, diverse urban centre a few times a year or less, just ask for a fork.
Well there’s a reason he’s an EX. I’m guessing this wasn’t the only time he was an ahole to you.
I understand that you have been thinking about an incident that occurred with your ex at a sushi bar around one year ago. It’s understandable that certain memories and experiences can stick with us, even if they occurred a while ago. However, it seems that this particular incident has been causing you a lot of distress and is preventing you from moving on.
You mentioned in your original post that “I still think about something that my ex did at a sushi bar around one year ago.” It’s important to remember that this incident occurred a year ago and it’s time to let go and move on from it. Holding onto it will only cause you more pain and prevent you from enjoying the present moment.
Now, let’s address the incident itself. You stated that “my ex was being pushy about me trying to eat with chopsticks, but I was getting anxious as he was visibly upset with me for not getting how to do it fast.” It’s understandable that you were feeling anxious in this situation, as you stated that you weren’t good with chopsticks and your ex was getting upset with you for not getting the hang of it quickly. However, it’s important to remember that this was only one incident in your relationship and it’s not fair to judge the entire relationship based on this one event.
You also mentioned that “he started to get pissed off, and was almost humiliating me. Then, in a very cold tone, he asked a waiter for “newbie” chopsticks, and I was finally able to eat the meal. But he remained silent for like 10 minutes, and was visibly sad.” It’s clear that your ex’s behavior in this situation was not appropriate and it’s understandable that you were upset and hurt by his actions. However, it’s important to remember that this was just one incident and it’s not fair to generalize his entire behavior based on this one event.
Lastly, you asked “Was this okay for him to do? Idk, it was my like 4th or 5th time trying sushi, and I am 19.” It’s important to remember that everyone has different opinions and perspectives on what is appropriate behavior. However, it’s clear that your ex’s behavior in this situation was not appropriate and it’s understandable that you were upset by it.
In conclusion, it’s important to remember that this incident occurred a year ago and it’s time to let go and move on from it. Holding onto it will only cause you more pain and prevent you from enjoying the present moment. It’s also important to remember that this was just one incident in your relationship and it’s not fair to judge the entire relationship based on this one event. Lastly, it’s clear that your ex’s behavior in this situation was not appropriate and it’s understandable that you were upset by it.
Why are you wasting your time thinking about something from a YEAR ago, especially this @$$h01e you’re clearly better off without? He showed you who he is and doesn’t deserve to continue living in your head rent free.
I have a special level of hate for people who make someone new to a task feel bad about being bad at it. Everyone starts off unskilled at pretty much everything. You get good by learning and practicing. But when people make a new person feel bad about being bad, it creates anxiety and distress that messes with the ability to learn that topic. I have a lot of bitterness about how my ability to enjoy certain things was damaged by people being mean to me about them when I was new to them and expected to be bad. And I hate when people do that to other people. If you don’t have the patience or skill to teach, that’s fine – but then stop trying when it isn’t working and don’t blame your student for your failure.
Fortunately, he was just trying to poison using chopsticks for you, which is a very small skill and not likely to matter a lot in your life. And hopefully you can get past his nastiness. But it’s still the basic idea. People really should not do this.
No it’s not ok. He sounds like a little bit of a jerk
you don’t even traditionally eat sushi with chopsticks so he’s a double dumbass
chopsticks, fork, spoon; even if you ate it with a whisk. He shouldn’t have behaved like that.
Why is this bothering you a year later?