im 25 yr male and about 3 years ago i completely lost my sex drive. I have seen several doctors including a urologist and no-one has been able to help me. a few details:
\- i do experience depression/anxiety, but i have my whole life. there were times when depression/anxiety was worse then it is now but i still had my sex drive intact. currently my depression is mild, and its mostly because of how lonely i am and im worried ill never be able to start a family.
\- i do take medication, called welbutrin. ive taken this for many years and never had sexual side effects from it. i went off of it for 3 months to see if that would help, no effect. seems to be a non factor
\- i dont have performance anxiety or anything like that, i had a happy and healthy relationship with my fiance that ended up crumbling due to this issue
\- my testosterone level is normal according to doctors, i eat healthy and workout most days of the week
\- i dont smoke or drink at all.
the issue is just a complete lack of arousal. i actually have started identifying myself as asexual because i literally dont feel anything.
im not looking for a medical diagnosis , i just need some advice for how i should handle this. i see all these happy couples walking around and it just makes me so sad that ill never have that because my body is failing me even when i take such good care of it.
23 comments
If you aren’t taking vitamins, then maybe start. Even a healthy diet does not necessarily mean you’re getting what you need. I find GNC’s MegaMen to work well.
First of all, I’m very sorry about how you are feeling. My recommendation would be that you go to a therapist, especialised on sexuality.
Do you have morning wood sometimes?
Have you talked to a doctor? If nothing else has changed and your libido went to zero it could be indicative of a hormone issue, which could be caused by multiple things.
If you’re not interested in seeing a doctor or actively investigating, I would try finding some asexual groups/peers to talk to. You’re definitely not the only one with this issue and finding like minded people can help.
I would recommend trying to find a specialist for hormones. I think there may be a couple different tests for testosterone. Ask to see the numbers and do your own research. All doctors are not created equal. My wife went to the doctor, got her iron level checked, doc said it was good. Pharmacist said it was low for a 90 yr old woman. My wife was 31. 2nd or 3rd opinions are a good idea.
I had the same thing happen about 6 or 7 years ago. I can still coax myself into getting erect and finish myself off, but I no longer get reading desires to do it. Nothing really turns me on and I can just do without. I also no longer get morning wood. It wasn’t like this earlier in my life. And my doctor says the same. Everything is normal and I shouldn’t worry about it. He just suggests taking the little, blue pill. I like the idea of a second opinion on hormones.
Dude, my advice is get your self to a dispensary and buy some weed.
Use Cannabis, it is the best aphrodisiac made, has been doing exactly this for the entirety of human history, and it has many other health benefits.
I am 71 and I was effectively asexual, not a quiver, since I survived sepsis about ten fifteen year back in my 60’s.
Well you would think being young that is no big deal at 71, but if I have a few days left I want to at least remember sex .
My daughter says among other things, it has saved my life and I would agree. Among all the MANY other benefits it has returned, revitalized, restored and re-enhanced my sex drive. It will do the same for you. Get flower, Vape it, is what I do, smoke is too hard on my lungs, but a vape is just water vapor. Ain’t too hard just puff a few hits and relax. Get something you consider stimulating and hit it again. Music helps and being so buzzed and relaxed it will put you to sleep, so be ready to snooze. Do it for a few days and see. If you have a partner it works for them as well. Good luck, try it, if you want to change things.
Some Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) like citalopram are reported to affect sexual function, even in a more permanent way. You might consider any past medications even if you are not now taking them. Hope things get better.
I (24F) suspect Wellbutrin made me lose my sex drive. I was a very sexual person before, but when I got off of the medication for 5 months and started it again I noticed that change.
>i just need some advice for how i should handle this. i see all these happy couples walking around and it just makes me so sad that ill never have that
There *are* dating options for asexuals. It’s not as easy but it does happen. The concern I would have about pursuing that option in your situation is that because we don’t understand the cause of the issue, we *also* don’t know if your sex drive will come knocking on the door in a few years and create new stresses in a potential asexual relationship.
>I have seen several doctors including a urologist and no-one has been able to help me.
Well, so far, we’re not going to be able to help you, either. We’ve probably ruled out hormones, which leaves a peripheral nervous system issue — seems unlikely, since I would expect you to feel mental arousal and physical frustration — or a psychological problem. But even if I were a psychologist I would have no hope of helping you without a proper history, and we don’t have any of that.
>all he did was basically say i was a mental case and referred me to some expensive therapist, its not mental because ive had much worse depression/anxiety before but my sex drive still functioned.
This is wrong. “Depression” is not a monolith, it’s a description of features that may arise due to many different underlying causes. “Depression/anxiety” are not interchangeable. It’s not as simple as “more depression” versus “less depression”.
>my fiance is with another man now
If I needed any more evidence that the problem is psychological, you just gave it to me.
If you’re not willing to talk about what was happening when this all started, nobody is going to be able to help you.
Do you have body dysmorphia? sometimes those insecurities can effect you
Have you seen an endocrinologist? I know you said you saw a specialized urologist, but did they only test your testosterone?
Also certain vitamin deficiencies can cause low sex drive and fatigue, so can autoimmune diseases, environmental toxins like lead (some old buildings have this). What I’m trying to say is , I know you’re probably sick of doctors, but I feel like there are more things to rule out.
If that doesn’t go anywhere, you can try to see a sexologist, which is a specialist in sex therapy.
Good luck!
100% Wellbutrin will do this to you. See if there is another medication you can try instead. Don’t just stop taking it. A psychiatrist can help change your meds and maintain your mental health.
Out of these it’s most likely the depression, especially given the brain changes that go on around age 25. Have you had blood and gene tests? What other antidepressants have you tried?
Worth stating that for most folks, wellbutrin will *in*crease one’s sex drive.
Start working out
Reduced sex drive is a potential symptom of long Covid. Any chance you had Covid three years ago?
Link to study: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-022-01909-w
I would look at your diet first and foremost.
Well, thanks for helping evening a gender imbalance.
Nurse here a urologist or sex therapist can help
They checked your testosterone levels the free and total? Have they checked all of your hormone levels? You are so young to have this type of problem, but before I go deep into it, where do you live? US? Europe? Canada? Because I can help guide you to the right help, but I know it varies depending where you are from. I live in the US.
A thing I didn’t see anyone asking yet: how is your porn usage? I definitely can see an anedoctal relationship porn usage and my desire to initiate sex: when I was watching porn on a semi-daily basis I did tend to initiate sex less although if my partner did I could get in the mood. Same thing with masturbation. If I don’t do it for a while I can not only get hornier but also experience more pleasure during sex.
Mate I basically had exactly the same thing, mine happened shortly after a breakup where I was cheated on though. Never came back and I’ve been doing the same got my hormones checked everything was fine, I sleep well eat okay train in the gym mental health is okay but no Buenos. I used to get horny all the time and my flag was posted at even the gentle touch of a girl. Now there’s no morning wood and while I’m the same I can get erections and have sex it always feels a bit forced. If you ever find out what happened please let me know.
Did they check your vitamin D levels? And hormones