Whenever I wear something even remotely revealing or even stuff like skinny jeans or yoga pants I can see him staring at me. He also walks around the house in just his boxers. There’s a ton of things like this that I wouldn’t go into too many details but it just creeps me out. I’m extremely uncomfortable around him. And I don’t know how to make him stop being so creepy.
31 comments
Tell your mom or a relative you trust, so they can handle it
Talk to someone you feel you can trust. Someone who has a history of acting with integrity. And, if you can, have a trusted friend with you when you talk to them. I’m not sure what solutions there are. It may be that ultimately, you spend the next few years living somewhere else, if that is possible. Or that someone talks to your parents. Or that there is no immediate solution. It would also make sense to get into self-defence lessons, regardless of whether you need them for this situation or not. They’re likely to come in handy at some point in your life.
Please talk to someone you trust about it. This is NOT okay.
Tell your mom again but this time with your dad there and tell your dad that him wearing boxers only makes you uncomfortable. Just remind him that you’re a teen and don’t wanna see him in that manner of undress.
As far as the stares, I’m a dad and when I look at my kids growing up before my eyes sometimes it’s unbelievable. Obviously I’m not looking at my kids sexually so I’d like to believe that your dad isn’t either. Before you get your dad arrested for bs, be sure that you know he is a creep.
Just be careful. Please don’t act on what you think he is, as opposed to what he actually is. Has he acted inappropriately towards you? Has he touched you or physically abused you? My gf’s dad is literally always in his underwear, and some people just act like that without bad intentions. Same story with staring. You can tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, and definitely talk to an adult you trust, but please don’t respond any more harshly than you absolutely need to.
Also, I would get a rubber wedge to block my bedroom door at night – on top of locking it, just to make sure.
You can’t make someone less creepy they’ll only get dismissive and excusatory.
Best thing I could say is to spend less time around him, find trustworthy people, have a lock or door stopper, and while this shouldn’t be why to work part time; try saving up and rooming with a friend when your older.
Bio-dad or stepdad? Either way its weird and you shoild talk with him about it.
dude if my 15yo daughter told me me wearing boxers around is making her uncomfortable Id dress up quicker than navy seal. The staring… is indeed creepy
Two things: check out /r/covertincest . My mom is a creeper too, and I wish I knew earlier how abnormal her behavior is. It made me really uncomfortable from an early age, but I didn’t even know covert incest was a thing until recently.
Second thing, sounds like both you and your dad are wearing revealing clothes that make each other uncomfortable… my mom is the same way, and I recognized that my wearing (or not wearing stuff that really covers everything up to the max) just added fuel to the fire. I didn’t have much ground for complaining when I was feeding into it in the same way, you know? It’s sucks that’s the way people are, I often can’t wear what I’d like to for fear of creepy, weird or violent reactions from others, so I look for friends and others I can exist as myself around. It’s frustrating, but it’s life. 🤷♀️
Your family won’t believe you. So reach out to a school counselor, support group or hotline. Most abuse is subtle and reaches a peak, then crosses a line. You shouldn’t have to feel this way and it’s not going to get better unless you take steps. But there’s creeps everywhere. Please follow your instincts and watch out for yourself not just around your father. Aside from this although it’s your body and clothing choices, out of curiosity does it only
Happen when it’s specific/certain clothing choices?
My guess is if you confronted him about looking at you, he would deny having any inappropriate thoughts.
However, you or your mom could call him out with regard to walking around in his boxers.
There is always a possibility he’ll tell you *it’s his house* but at least he’ll know how you feel.
Legally none of the things you have mentioned are against the law. They’re just creepy.
Unfortunately, the only person in life that *you* can control is *yourself*.
We don’t get to choose *who* can look at us or even *control* their thoughts.
You might want to consider not wearing skinny jeans, yoga pants, or *revealing* clothes *around him* in order to avoid feeling creeped out by *his looking* at you.
Best wishes!
So he’s guilty of doing something even though he’s literally done nothing
Nice
I’m really sorry this is happening to you, and I’m sorry your mom won’t listen to you. I would try talking to friends or friends parents or teachers or aunts/uncles/grandparents anyone you can trust. And please try and make sure you’re not alone with him as much as possible. If he ever does anything physical not matter how small, scream! Tell everyone. This is not normal.
Once my girls were a couple of years old there was no more free range prancing around the house. Tell a trusted adult
Trust your gut. There’s no way you feel like this for “no reason”.
Growing up I felt very similar with my dad and now was an adult and going to therapy , I truly believe that if he hadn’t been forcibly removed from the picture something really horrible would have happened.
Do you have any aunts or uncles? Grandparents? Another adult needs to know, you need to get help. I’m so sorry that your mum isn’t being reliable in this situation. But you need to trust your instincts, they are there for a reason and these alarm bells aren’t going off just because you’re “paranoid.” Stay safe sweetheart.
Maybe tell the school psychologist, they know how to approach that
Some of the comments here are gross, it’s because of enablers like this is why women and girls feel uncomfortable, the male gaze is everywhere even in your own home…
Did you ever stop and think that maybe he is looking because he disapproves of what you’re wearing?
It may be that he just doesn’t want to say anything about it because you know, my body, my choice.
Always listen to your gut. That doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something going on, but it’s always always better to be safe than sorry. Stay safe, lock your bathroom door, and keep an eye out! If things progress or something else happens, write it down. If he pushes a boundary tell a trusted adult immediately!!
You can’t make him do anything. But you CAN protect yourself. Wedge for your bedroom door. Don’t be alone with him. If you’re ok with confrontation, tell him he’s being creepy. It might not do anything but let him know you’re creeped out by him.
Mom will probably ignore it and tell you are being silly and paranoid. I believe you though. Just avoid him as much as you can.
I need more context from your dads perspective. I’m a dad. I’ve worn boxers before. Never had an issue although my kids are young but don’t expect an issue ever.
In saying all that.. it is strange that you are getting a weird feeling, that bit is concerning. I couldn’t imagine getting THAT feeling with a relative I’m close with.
Speak to mum again. Talk it out.
I completely understand your feeling. I was about your age when I started having the same things happen with my step-dad.
Just like here, when I wrote out what *actually* happened it didn’t sound so bad, or maybe was a misunderstanding, or maybe I was reading him wrong, etc. But I knew it was sexual. I felt his eyes on me. It felt wrong and bad.
But I didn’t tell anyone because what is there to tell? He complimented me in my bathing suit? His hands went down my back when he was standing behind me? That’s nothing.
But it is. I woke up with him in my bed. I was 100% right. I KNEW.
OP tell a teacher or a friends parent, and write down EVERYRHING. With dates. Probably nothing much will happen, but it will be a foundation upon which you can then build safety measures that *should* be taken seriously.
– door stops under the door
– locked door when you’re showering or in your room
– he must knock AND WAIT before entering your room
– whatever else makes you feel safe.
– keep your phone on you and set video record to a one touch thing.
TELL. AND KEEP TELLING. I’m so very sorry that you are in this situation. It’s not fair. It’s not okay. It’s not your fault.
You need to comunícate this information to a responsible adult that you trust, not everyone is your friend so be careful. Maybe the school counselor or a teacher. Best of luck, take care.
Are you from Alabama? Just curious.
Since you already spoke to your mom.
If your dad respond to emotions, you probably should directly speak to your dad. Mostly about how and why you are uncomfortable with him.
Not sure he planned to be dad at 20ish. He probably have his default. He could have difficulty to adjust to your puberty and becoming a woman.
If it’s doesn’t work. Keep your distance, could fade away with time…
I’m not trying to be mean but I really hate it when people post a question and when commenters ask other questions to clarify so they can respond more appropriately and give good advice, the OP doesn’t answer any of the questions or maybe just one or two.
it’s frustrating
INFO: why is the only other post you’ve made in r/Incestfucking ?
EDIT: u/takeemeedo has now deleted their other post but I still call bullshit on this post and everything about it feels greasy and emotionally manipulative
When I grew up my dad walked around in his tighty whities. But I think that was pretty normal as most of my friends dads did that too. I’m also 35f. So I am your dads age. It’s very possible he grew up the same way so he feels it’s normal. I used to be creeped out sometimes by my dad. He was very loving, said I love like a million times and always have long right hugs. As I got older I realized he is just a super emotional and a tender, loving man. He still give long tight hugs, even to my brothers. I just never realized it.
As far as staring at you- You think he is staring at you in a sexual way? Or could it be a protective way?
What else is he doing that is making you uncomfortable? Has he ever touched you inappropriately, made comments about your female friends?
We need more context.
Do you have an aunt or an older cousin, or a grandparent you can talk to about this? Maybe even a friends mom.
My dad walked around in his righty whities well up to my 18th birthday. Your dad’s dad probably did the same. There is nothing inherently wrong with it… but damn is it uncomfortable.
As to the staring… I got nothing. It could be innocent, and he is actually always staring when he is around. It could be more. It probably isn’t. Some people just don’t understand boundaries properly.