m35 has dipped out for the last time on me 38f

The guy that used to be my fiance and was supposed to be my husband on March 23rd 20 23 has officially dipped out on me for the last time He’s done this before back in 2020 when he left me to go sleep with his ex and fool around with other women He came crawling back to me making all these promises and like an idiot I took him back we ended up going through some court stuff and probationary stuff and he ended up going to prison in 2021 I promise that I’d be there for him for mental emotional support I also supported in financially with phone money and commissary money I wrote them letters all the time sent him tons of pictures sent him cards on the holidays I did my best to make sure he knew there was someone out here that loved him July of 2022 he came out of prison and sent a bus pass money so that he could be transported from where he was into town I picked him up from the bus station I was so happy to see him I brought him home and he was able to put on the lease I had a job waiting for him I drove him everywhere caught him set up with one of the coolest AA meetings in town I even had an application ready for him to fill out so he could start his classes two weeks after he got out he started talking to four other women calling them babe and honey sending him pictures of his bank account cards with all of the information on it literally broke my heart had done so much for him and I was the only one there and as soon as he gets out he starts doing the same cheating shit He quit his job that I got him in October since then he’s been able to hold a job maybe a month before he gets fired or he quits during that month he spends more time calling out than he does working putting me in a financial position of struggle I begged and plated with him for communication and conversation All I got was silent treatments the more I ask the more silent treatments I got there was mental and emotional abuse He constantly trigger my PTSD his favorite thing to do is trauma bonding me I didn’t understand why and I still don’t understand why he quit his job about a week and a half ago without even having another one right after I just started a new job and I’m still in training but it’s a great career opportunity for me and he knew that for the last week and a half he’s laid in the bed and slept majority of the day away refuses to answer my phone calls or text messages majority of the time He’s tried doing the isolation thing causing problems between me and other people so we won’t talk anymore Monday was the final straw when he’s decided to text my kids’s dad and start problems between me and my kids and dad all because I went and hung out with a chick friend who was having a hard time I had a notebook that had documentations of everything that he’s ever done to me that was negative because I learned that you need to write those kind of things down when it’s mental and emotional abuse He found my notebook and the only thing that’s missing out on my entire house is my notebook He refuses to tell me where it’s at tells me he doesn’t go through my stuff and that he doesn’t know where it’s at but it was there and now it’s gone I noticed it missing Tuesday the day after he’d got upset because I was hanging out with a friend and having conversations Wednesday He decides to freak out on me because I’m talking in my bed on my phone and I’m too loud for him when he’s trying to sleep I finally go to sleep and I wake up to him in the middle of the night wide awake sitting on the edge of the bed today I get about a bed and he’s already getting ready to go wherever he’s going I paid his phone bill this morning He was supposed to get his paycheck today and pay me $700 for our rent because he was short last month and a total month bills for him is $1,050 I needed that money to pay our power and our rent and instead he told me that there was payroll issues and that he had an appointment at 6:00 p.m. and that he wouldn’t be home until dark later on I find out that he was a different location at 5: 30p I thought he was there until 6:30 people that know us said that he had a new phone with a brand new phone case I haven’t gotten any messages or heard from him since 3:00 p.m. I waited up and waited around It’s now 11:22 and he still doesn’t been home hasn’t answered any of my phone messages hasn’t answered any of my calls breaks my heart to think that I have put so much time and effort and genuine love and affection into someone who has no problem lying to me and dipping out on me last minute knowing full well that I’m a mom of two kids and I have one of my children that live with me because I found out that he got a new phone I went ahead and called the phone company and I had them shut my line off that I just paid for this morning as it’s pointless for him now a phone line that he will never answer I also reported my phone stolen because I know I’m never going to get it back and I had the phone company to destroy all information on that phone I’m officially done chasing him and taking him back because I love him so much and I just want him here I just wanted to be happy with him and instead he did everything in his power to break me the mental emotional abuse the reactive abuse the trauma bonding hasn’t every day thing almost silent treatments when all I wanted was conversation silent treatments when I try to communicate I went from knowing all of his appointments and giving him rides to not knowing any of his information any appointments or anything but still expecting to give rides On Sunday when he decided to start issues between me and my kids’s dad for no reason I told him Monday I was no longer giving him rides I can’t afford to pay the gas tank money for someone who doesn’t have a job and has no desire to get a job Monday he wrote his bike to class gave me attitude the whole time so I told him I was breaking off the relationship still live together and he’s still on the lease I figured he just wanted space and then maybe he’d start communicating with me but instead he went and got a ride from somebody when he came home and he left his bike there the next day I went and picked up his bike with him while he took the necklace that he got for himself before Christmas back in got his money back Tuesday rules around and he’s still the same gas-lighting me shifting blame and guilt and silent treatments so I told him I’m not giving him rides to his classes on Wednesday Wednesday I ended up taking him from the house to my work because it wasn’t out of my way He rode from my work to his appointment and then he had class He wrote his bike home and supposedly he’d been hit by a car that refused to stop for a stop sign I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up and he said no that he was walking home and then he’d be there in a minute I asked him if he was hurt he said no he got home there was no damage to the bike there was some dirt on his leg and he was limping a little No kisses no hugs no I love yous no nothing I didn’t even get a chance to get up before he was headed upstairs and into bed I asked him if he had made a report on being hit and he said no that the person had taken off and he didn’t even know who it was didn’t catch a license plate all he knew was was a girl in a car He was laying in bed normally he watches TV It came upstairs but I was having conversation so I was doing talk and text got mad at me and said I was keeping him awake when only wanted to do was sleep started a huge fight If anyone downstairs and laid on the couch followed him down and decided that I was wondering where so I came upstairs and continue my conversations on my phone It comes upstairs tells me this is the last time you staying the night with me I don’t believe him there was no reason he lives here he’s on felony probation He’s approved at this address so I lay down and he cuddles me and I fall asleep I wake up later on and he’s sitting up wide awake in bed me being smart ass I am I made a comment about how oh I couldn’t stay up in my bed and have my conversations but he could stay up all night staring at walls It’s usually what he does when he’s giving me silent treatments He finally lays down with me and I fall back asleep and wake up the next day just so he can start his attitude all over again I don’t understand all I want for him to be here for me like I was there for him when he had nobody hand up paying his phone bill in the morning after he calls me a control freak because his phone was shut off and his phone’s in my name I told him if he wasn’t such an asshole and he came and just asked me about his phone I’d let him know I have to pay the phone bill and then I gave him his own separate line wasn’t even attached to my phone It calms down enough to do the whole trauma bonding look Love bombing shit pay for his phone to be turned back on because he’s expecting jobs to call him right after I pay his phone bill he starts his attitude again I leave to go to work says he’s going to call Subway meet up with the manager I hope he gets the job I call him on my break and ask him if he got a hold of him He tells me the manager is not in today even though they said he would be in today I called the subway and the manager answered the phone so come back and I told him managers there till 2:00 The manager transfer the phone He then tells me he’s walking around town in our area looking for a job My son tells me he was here until he took a shower and he loaded up his backpack and he left on foot when he has a bike everyday the lies just got worse and worse I’m a pretty easy understanding person but I feel like at this point he was literally just hurting me just to hurt me seeing her full things telling me I’m a stupid bitch calling me his stepmom’s name whom he can’t stand now I’m literally laying here in bed at 11:35 and still not heard a word from him and he’s on felony probation It’s upsetting to me tells me he doesn’t want me to know his new phone number is with that tells me doesn’t want me to know that he even has a new phone I wasn’t supposed to know wasn’t even supposed to know that he didn’t go to his actual meeting that he claimed have a feeling he’s waiting until I go to work tomorrow to come get the rest of his stuff once again it’s heartbreaking All the hurtful things he’s ever done to me I would have never done to him and I haven’t done to him It’s now the 26th of January and rents due on the first of February which is also his 36th birthday He’s done this to me before like I said but this time I’m not looking for him this time I’m not chasing him He always makes me out to be such a horrible person criticizing me and belittling me making me feel less than I was told him if I was so bad that wanted to leave Well he left The last time he messaged me he said that he missed me and that he would lost someone somebody didn’t lose someone pushed me away And that if you really loved me he wouldn’t treat me the way he does I was literally the last time he’s ever messaged me or talk to me The shit fucking hurts everything I ever did for him didn’t matter every bit of love that I loved him with didn’t matter didn’t save me from the heartache or the pain and now I’m alone because he didn’t want to take responsibility and accountability and he suggestions on how to use the pain and make it feel a little better