We have known each other for a year and been dating for 4 months. He is my first boyfriend and I lost my virginity to him. We both have very high libidos and have sex 3-4 times a week. Maybe we would more but since we don’t live very close, this is how it is.

We get along great. But there are couple of things that bother me when we have sex. I actually feel bad for complaining about these since on paper he seems like a good lover. He usually takes 10-15 minutes to finish and he is average sized. However,

+ I give blowjobs to him every time we have sex, I do it without him asking because I like making him feel good. I enjoy giving them. Even when I am on my period I finish him that way without having sex. But he doesn’t go down on me unless I ask him to. And even then, he only does it for maybe a minute.
+ I know he enjoys having sex with me. I made him finish twice in a row giving him blowjobs once, that has to be a good sign I think. But the thing is, after sex he never says “This was great” or something similar. It makes me feel horrible.
+ He makes me feel bad for wanting to cuddle after having sex. Which to me seems like the obvious thing to do and natural thing to want. He complains if we do cuddle.
+ He acts as if I am doing him a favor when we have sex. Like he will say “I think I deserve a dessert after this” but kiddingly.

Idk what to do. I don’t think I should break up with a great guy just because of these reasons but they do bother me a lot. I would greatly appreciate any advice. Sorry for formatting written on mobile. And not a native english speaker.

TLDR: Boyfriend doesn’t reciprocate oral, acts like he is doing me a favor by having sex (even though he initiates sex often), makes me feel bad for wanting to cuddle etc.

11 comments

  1. Seems like he only wants sex from you, he always gets what he wants without asking because you do it instantly and never gives you what you want because he flat out doesn’t care about getting you off or cuddling after for reassureance, he sees you as a freebie for sex all week with no payoff for you

  2. Give blow jobs only when you want to. Do not give blow jobs or anything else with the expectation of reciprocity, that’s phony as fuck and a recipe for discontent.

  3. Sex with your partner shouldn’t make you feel like this. There’s nothing inherently “wrong” with his behavior – if it was agreed upon behavior that you enjoyed – but it’s not, so it shouldn’t be happening. If you can have an conversation about it and share how you feel and he changes his behavior, great. But if you can’t or he doesn’t, you’re not going to be sexually compatible long term. Life’s too short, be with someone you love having sex with and who makes you feel good (before and after count just as much!!).

  4. He sounds selfish and immature. Find someone whose natural inclinations are a better fit for what you want.

  5. I mean are you his girlfriend or his fuckbuddy?

    Because he doesn’t sound particularly interested in making you happy.

  6. If he is not concerned with your pleasure NOW, so early in your relationship, do not expect it to get better. If you have told him what… you need/want and he is not interested or unwilling, trade him in for a DIFFERENT ‘great guy’ who is actually good (for you) in bed

  8. Sorry if I missed this but have you told him what you want or are you expecting he knows? Communication in sex is very important. Hopefully he’s the type of guy who is willing to take advice on the matter instead of getting defensive. Maybe he isn’t jsure in his abilities and needs you to guide him. If he just genuinely doesn’t like to go down on girls, would he be open to using vibrator nwith you?

    As far as the cuddling, every guy is obviously different but if I love and care for someone, I definitely want to cuddle afterwards and would feel same way as you if my partner didn’t. Does he at least stay with you and talk or does he just get up, clean off and do his own thing?

  9. >I actually feel bad for complaining about these since on paper he seems like a good lover

    You will understand this when you gain more life experience, but I’m going to tell you right now that there is no such thing as a good lover on paper. Good lovers are all about actions, choices, and intent. He’s a bad lover because he doesn’t care about what makes you feel good.

  11. I mean, you aren’t exactly going to get the cream of the crop when you’re dating a man who dates high schoolers. It’s pretty trademark in these age gap posts for the guy to be selfish, immature, and lack empathy. A woman in her mid 20s would have probably dumped him by now, but since he took your virginity he’s got you on the drunk off first love drug. Once you’re in your mid 20s, you’ll have different views on what sex should be.

    It’s up to you, but I think your boyfriend sounds like a loser.

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