I’ve been talking to this guy for months!
I met him on a dating app and did not want to share my number, because I thought I did not know him well enough to share it. He asked for my snapchat ID a week later as he was on no other social media platform and we texted there for a while until one day he threw a tantrum (and after talking to him for a while I realised I really liked him) so I gave him my number. When we talked initially I told him that I won’t want to meet but would be open to it if I REALLY LIKED HIM.
This was four months ago.
One month into talking, I really wanted to meet him and he didn’t. He never asked me out. I thought maybe he was shy / maybe what I said before was becoming a factor so I asked him out instead. He never said yes or no, something used to happen and we used to fight and somehow we never met. We almost decided to meet once and he texted me an hour before meeting me that his dog was sick and it was an emergency so he will have to reschedule and turned off his internet. (I mostly felt bad because I had dressed up, worse makeup and the most expensive perfume I had to meet him and he canceled). He never rescheduled. Whenever I brought up meeting from then he used to lash out and pick up a fight. I tried to tell him that it wasn’t working for me this way and he did not let me go either. He then started telling me that he was too conscious to meet me as he had gained weight. Later he started telling me that he feels the spark might go away once we meet and he doesn’t want that to happen. I was disappointed as he had met other girls from dating apps before and not me.
I told him that maybe he doesn’t like me enough to meet me and maybe he should meet other girls with whom at least he would be on the same page, to which he told me that he calls and texts me every day (we talk for hours) and why would he even do that if he did not like me. He asked me out but that was always after I had pointed out that we hadn’t even met and we had a fight and it always seemed as though he was asking me out to shut me up or out of compulsion and not because he wanted to so I used to say no.
Two days ago he told me that had he been in my place he would have left but i stayed and thats what makes him like me even more.
I don’t know what I should even feel like
6 comments
It’s impressive that you continued to talk to the guy for 4 months after he threw a tantrum to get your number. That was the red flag you missed IMHO, all the rest is coherent with this kind of behaviour.
He’s flaking, agressive and doesn’t seems to care about you (who says “feels the spark might go away once we meet” !?) and you still want to stay with him? I don’t know what you are waiting for.
You’re both toxic.
This whole thing sounds exhausting. Why even bother?
I think you’re moving too fast. I’d wait at least 1 year and a few more tantrums to meet in person.
He’s not good for you. But he likes you because you are ideal for his manipulative character. He can see he can play you, and you will still hang around. Why are you doing this to yourself? You need to quit making excuses for him, reading too much into maybe this and maybe that and cut him loose. Red flags everywhere.
I’ve heard these stories before, about meeting killing the spark and so on. Maybe that will happen and while it might be nice to chat with someone, but you sure must be realizing that it will not go anywhere.
Normally people for these reasons usually try to meet as soon as possible, to avoid getting attached to someone by just chatting, because people are sometimes different in person, because then you get voice tone, body language and everything, that builds full view of who someone is. Otherwise with chatting or talking you are limited by certain factors that make you interpret and build your own perception of who this person is and what he is saying.
Obviously it’s a red flag, you shouldn’t waste your time talking to someone, who has no intention to meet you out of fear. That’s not a relationship that’s pen pals and if you are looking for something real, then this ain’t it.
Chatting is good to get initial vibe and maybe some values, not the whole impression. At least that’s how I precieve it. If I like someone within 2-3 days of chatting and it isn’t one sided, then I invite the person for a date to get the impression if I want to keep seeing the person or not and one step at the time.
What you have done is built this imaginary relationship, which is built on assumptions and speculation on both sides. On top of that if you are already fighting in a chat environment, imagine what will happen if you were to meet. I know that it may seem real or feeling attached, but it’s not real. Plus if he is using tactics to sway away from certain topics by using emotions and such to achieve that, that’s a red flag by itself.
I see a lot of people might be judging you both, but I won’t, as it is actually too easy to get attached just by talking to someone virtually and if by any chance you are very optimistic, then it might be even easier. But the fact is, it’s not real and will be completely different in person and I mean not in a good way.