My bf was persistent about watching me get dressed through vid call but I wasn’t comfortable so I said no, but he got annoyed so I opened my cam ( not showing anything but my face to tell him no ) then I turned it off ( I really thought it was off since the light in my cam was off as well ), then the whole time I was getting ready ( ofc I was completely naked !) he didn’t even tell me it was left open the whole time now I feel like crying and in a bad mood then he got annoyed saying “why are you even crying abt that” “ I already saw that why are u even still sensitive abt it”, we never had sex before he just saw my body when I wore a bikini , and I’m sexually abstinent, I’m just hurt he didn’t even respect my privacy and didn’t say a word, I have extreme issues about my privacy ( which he is fully aware of ) to the point I get paranoid I also had threats in my past involving my privacy now I don’t know how to deal with this cause I’m hurt and feel like I have no more self respect. I feel disgusting
Edit: now he’s apologizing saying he’s not even sexualizing it it’s just his way to make me “comfortable” and “confident” (since im very insecure) around him since I’m still shy when I’m with him and me being uncomfortable w his hobby of being touchy
20 comments
I’m not surprised your upset! It’s a massive betrayal of trust
I’d break up with him
please dump his ass (looking through your post history guy is a grade a scumbag)
Dump that dude.
He attempted to pressure you. You drew a line and he knowingly chose to violate your boundaries, and belittled the seriousness of the situation. What he did is a borderline sex crime.
That’s a few scary 🚩🚩🚩’s in a partner.
Self respect is internal, if this is making you lose respect for yourself talk to a therapist about it.
Let him know you feel disrespected by him because he didn’t let you know the cam was on, when he knew you didn’t want him to see him.
If he doesn’t respect your privacy and privacy is a deal breaker, let him know and find a new bf
Has this bf exhibited behavior like this before?
He’s had a look, but that’s as close as he’ll get. Get out of there and let him regret not telling you forever
First of all, you do have self respect. He did not respect your boundaries and that is on him. The fact that he is also pushing your feelings aside is very bad. You have a right to your privacy and he violated that. I would suggest you really consider ending this relationship. This lack of respect is not ok.
First thing put a piece of tape over your camera, he could have installed software on your phone or computer to have your camera on when it looks like it is off.
He is no different than the perverts that take pictures of girls in changing rooms. He crossed so many lines and all sort of RED FLAGS are popping up.
He is the problem.
your boyfriend is being a piece of shit. you’re emotional about it because you were unaware about it thus making you uncomfortable. if you consented, it would’ve been a different case – but you didn’t. what happened was a very vulnerable thing for you, and it’s even more shitty that he didn’t feel the need to tell you immediately nor find the problem within how such a situation could make you feel. most and worst of all, he was probably staring the entire time because of how desperate he was to see you like that, which is fucked since you already said no before.
just because he might feel differently about the situation and how he would react if he were in your shoes, doesn’t mean he should invalidate the way it made you feel. i feel concern about you keeping a connection with someone who invalidates your feelings, especially of discomfort on such a level. if he doesn’t get why it make you feel upset, even after explaining it clearly, it might be time to heavily consider this relationship.
edit: i just want to add, but the fact that he got annoyed about you setting boundaries is an incredible red flag.
I’m sorry that happened OP. My advice would be take back your self respect through a conversation where you stand up for yourself. Which doesn’t mean getting angry and yelling. I think it’s better to be calm and matter of fact. It doesn’t even really need to be a “conversation” so much as you clearly stating your boundaries and disappointment to have them disrespected, broken, and then openly challenged as irrelevant. You don’t need to justify your boundaries, but the better you can explain them the more likely it will resonate with an empathetic partner (which evidence indicates you don’t currently have).
Maybe such a conversation ends in a break up. That is what I personally see as most likely. Though it’s possible you get a sincere apology and agreement to respect you and your stated boundaries. You should not keep dating without that at minimum, imo.
As no-one has mentioned it yet, I just want to make the point; There is no such thing as a “hobby of being touchy”. It’s not a hobby. It’s harassment.
This man is not worthy of your time nor attention. He has no respect for you. Your body, your feelings, your boundaries, etc. Zero respect for any of it
He is manipulative and gaslights you.
This is such an unhealthy relationship and it is only going to get worse.
Take this relationship as a lesson learned, cut ties and move forward with your life. He doesn’t deserve any of your time nor attention. Stay strong OP
You can do better than him, I promise. One day someone will love you for everything you are and will respect your boundaries and you’ll love them back. For them to have that opportunity, you need to let this jackass go. You’re only depriving yourself of the love you deserve.
You know why you are uncomfortable? because this person is only lusting over you.
Sure, lust is part of a relationship but are you two only FWB or giving sexual favors to each other?.
This person doesn’t love you, doesn’t respect you, and is only playing around with you.
The instant he gets tired of you he is gonna break up with you, he DOESN’T CARE if you gave your everything to him, the instant he finds something new he will go for it.
Do you want to get back the self-respect you lost? break up, leave him, block him! Kick that human out of your life and start focusing in you.
Whoever wants you to be comfortable and confident around them, even more, if it’s a lover/partner…they will support you, respect you, encourage you to do *the right things,* always accept your boundaries, and communicate with you. The person that truly wants you to see you be more positive about yourself won’t force you to do things you are not comfortable with.
Deep down you know this person is not the right one for you, he was sexualizing your actions and that’s why you are not really comfortable.
Stop thinking about “I would have wasted all I gave to him all this time tthat’s why I don’t want to leave him, it all be for nothing” GURL you are wasting more time, energy, and feelings on this trash.
If you see your food burn, you are not keeping it in the fire or eating it, you turn the fire off before it burns your damn house down, throw the charred food and prepare another meal because you ain’t gonna be eating that.
So please do yourself a favor, break up with him, and start working on yourself idk. Hobbies, write, draw, sing, dance whatever is your cup of tea. Learn something new, visit new places get a new haircut, if possible and you think you need a guide go to therapy, if that person makes you feel bad, need another one.
Go live your life in the best way you can. Don’t waste it in a loveless and toxic relationship that is only tearing you down.
This is a very toxic relationship and it is best that you just leave
I believe eye for an eye to a fucking point. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, fuck his. Men like this don’t learn until they’ve been hurt. I really hope you can come to terms op and break up with him, it’s the most logical and mature thing to do. I understand it may be hard, as I have BPD but I’ve been through too many relationships like that to know, he’s trying to care but he can’t because he just doesn’t know how. 🙁
It just happens you both don’t communicate love the same way. :((
That’s creepy, there’s no other way to put it. He was persistent on watching you get dressed and ended up watching you undress without your consent? Yeah, you have every right to feel like this is a massive breach of your trust and privacy. God knows what he was doing with the footage…
Dump him. Seriously. You deserve someone who loves and cares about you, respect you. You can totally find that person, why are you with someone who doesn’t get the basic? Trust me many women and men have hoped to fix others or make them better, not your job, you’re sacrificing yourself. Dump him and move on and find someone who loves you the way you deserve
Hey, there’s been a lot of very aggressive support here, so I don’t think you need to be told that you should break up with your boyfriend or that you have a right to be upset here. Obviously, yes and yes.
However, I understand your concern and reluctance to break up in the first place. When this is the only relationship you’ve known, the alternative can seem scary. I’ve been there too. However, with as much bad as you’ve been through, something must be good, right? Well, if you end your relationship now, you’ll be able to find one with all the good, and none of the bad. People can and will respect you, and you are worthy of being respected. You can’t find anything in being around this man he hasn’t already shown you. How much is worth staying for that you can’t find in the future?
Trust me when I say he does not give a shit about your confidence or comfortability. It’s completely an excuse to get his way [which is crossing your boundary for his own gain]. I cannot emphasise this enough, it’s not for you, it’s for him, if anything you being insecure makes him able to try and use that excuse of ‘trying to help you’.