Should I 23F breakup with my 20M boyfriend?

49 comments

1. It doesn’t seem like a big issue you can’t figure out, tbh

2. How to self-sabotage your relationship 101.

3. Don’t break up. He wouldn’t date someone he didn’t think was hot. You’re going to have to get it through his thick head you need to hear him speak those words… and not just once. He’s probably not going to get it the message the first time. But don’t worry, you’ll get him trained.

4. So you have this idea that he should be complimenting your appearance regularly. He doesn’t do that. Are you sure your expectation is correct? He dates you, he treats you well. Does he go out in public with you? Has he introduced you to his friends? Or does he avoid public places with you?

5. So, all the other stuff doesn’t count? All you require for your ego is compliments from men? And because he doesn’t do that, you want to break up.

   Welcome to Self-Sabotage 101.

   Is called conversation or discussion. Just like all the other men in the world, your bf is not a mind reader. Go and talk to him.

   Good luck

6. He treats you better then any guy you’ve ever been with. You said yourself.

   So, you break up with him, he re-evaluates his dating strategy, and bam, you just turned him into one of your prior partners who was not as respectful.

   Reward the men who treat you right. People are just animals so this takes a pavlovian approach.

7. You really dumped him instead of communicating about the “issue” like a normal couple would. Well done.

8. Your constant need for validation is a red flag. He sounds like a wonderful guy. Please break up with him so he can be with someone who will appreciate him and not someone who will make him jump through hoops just to stroke your massive ego. Seek therapy on why you cant ever be happy

9. Break up and let another girl appreciate him for who he is.

   He compliments you, but not as often as you want. Rotten ego you got.

   Bet if he complimented you on daily basis you would have a problem with it.

   “Other guys did that and that” oh f off.

   You don’t make sense. Bunch of guy already told you millions of compliments, but yet this guy not being such a simp is somehow affecting your confidence? Bish, how you felt being single, not having a guy to compliment you?

10. Look mate you are allowed to break up with him if you do wish. No one here should feel like if you don’t want the relationship, you shouldn’t have it. With that being said, you communicated 1 time about your insecurities, correct? If that’s the case, your behavior is unacceptable. I’m sure you’ve needed to be told something more than once to do it correctly, and if it people aren’t used to it, or don’t understand the ramifications of their behavior, it’s up to you to make it clear and give appropriate timelines. He’s not intentionally hurting your feelings, you need to express your needs, more than once. However, if you don’t want to be with him, for any other reasons, take it as a sign. He’s probably not the one for you. With what you’ve described though, look at it this way. If someone did the same to you, could you deal with it? Because I’ve been on the other end, and I couldn’t.

11. So, you’d rather he compliment you like 24/7 than being an all around great guy, as you describe it on the first lines of you post?

    Seems like you’re on a stable relationship but need to communicate more about those wants and needs.

    If he didn’t think you’re attractive and hot and all that, he probably wouldn’t be dating you, and apparently, he’s more of showing affection by doing, than by saying.

    Problem now is that, since you complained about the lack of compliments, if he starts complimenting you more often you’ll always doubt if he’s being truthful or if he’s just saying it outta “duty” towards you.

    I’d suggest to talk with him, tell him to say to you whenever he thinks you look pretty in whatever you happen to be wearing, and you’d also need to focus more on all those little details that show his interest and affection.

    A relationship is supposed to be way more than someone being repeatedly told that they’re cute, pretty, hot and/or beautiful by their partner. Because you wanted a partner, right? not a fanboy.

12. I didn’t read because you took too long to get to the point and no paragraphs.

    But, if you have to ask this question, you already made up your mind so you probably should and not date anyone else until you grow up.

13. How are you in one moment gonna say ur confident in the way you look but the next want to leave someone that’s perfect pretty much for you because they don’t tell u ur beautiful?

    I’m only 25 but the way yall think hurts even my brain

14. I’d definitely let him dodge your bullet.

    2 months in and you’re already grenading a great guy you supposedly love because he doesn’t hurl enough affirmation at you.

    Yeah, let him go.

15. This is when you are your own problem

16. Advice? Break up with him. That way you can focus on growing up and maturing while he finds someone who actually appreciates him for him and doesn’t require their ego stroked like a needy 13yo girl.

    I actually make it a point not to over compliment my dates/ex’s. Attraction is like a major reason to dating. If you srsly dont think that I don’t think you’re beautiful, why tf are we together then? This works both ways.

    Actually funny enough how double standardly this is, as men rarely get complimented. Women get complimented up the ass on the daily, a bf saying it means nothing at this point.

    Another small advice, after your breakup, reconsider doing something about the compliments, because you’re sounding like my ex. Self doubt and hate, no matter how many times i can tell her shes gorgeous or beautiful, it didn’t matter. And i definitely read this through your replies here. “Its not authentic” lol. Yea there’s probably a specific word or condition this is called but you definitely need to check it out.

    The rest of the replies in this thread hatin the guy need to seriously grow up. Actions speak louder then words. And this guy certainly seems to be putting her on his pedestal but evidently its not good enough.

17. Please stay away from that poor guy. He deserves a lot better than you

18. Idk cause he looks Perfect on the other side, i dont think you should dump him. The lack of compliments make u insecure thats ur issue ?

19. Leave this poor man alone. Hes out finally, just leave him be.

20. You’re describing many good things about this relationship so first thing is first: Slow down, and don’t make any decisions while you’re feeling emotionally activated by this issue.

    Totally normal to want validation about your appearance. But you need to ask how important this is to you, and understand that providing this validation will not come naturally to everyone.

    Is it the bare minimum for a guy to give you compliments in this area? Not for everyone. So you have to ask yourself how important this particular form of validation is to you. If you were with someone else who was better at the compliments but had shortcomings in other areas you love your boyfriend for, how would that feel?

    You’re right to talk to him and tell him about your need for compliments. But try not to view this one issue in black and white. Look at the relationship as a whole when deciding whether to stay in.

21. Let the guy get some girl who will appreciate him and go mingle with someone who won’t treat you as good. Problem solved.

22. >I am very secure and confident

    Umm, you sure?

23. “I have been dating this guy for about 2 months who treats me better than any guy I’ve been with.”

    “I do really love him because he makes me super happy.”

    “I don’t feel like he thinks im pretty/beautiful/attractive enough.”

    “..he just never really compliments me over text or in person.”

    “I’ve always been complimented frequently by guys i’ve been in relationships with and they have always made me feel pretty”

    Based upon what you’ve written you would rather dump the guy *who treats you better than any guy you’ve been with* to be with a “*smooth talking player*” who’ll say whatever you want to hear.

    It sounds like you are dealing with a self-esteem issue. He’s *your man* not a fan.

    If he wasn’t attracted to you, he wouldn’t have committed to being exclusive.

    You also didn’t mention how often *you* “stroke *his* ego” with compliments.

    Lack of compliments isn’t a “deal breaker” for most people in a *healthy* relationship.

    If you *truly loved this guy* and are “super happy” you wouldn’t dump him over this!

    It shouldn’t be *this easy* to dump someone you claim to be *in love* with.

    Having someone *who treats you well and makes you “super happy”* shouldn’t be taken for granted.

    It’s been said that men fall in love with their *eyes* and women fall in love with their *ears*.

    (However, with age comes wisdom.)

    Men learn everything that glitters is *not* gold and women learn *actions* speak louder than words.

    ***”Love what you have before life teaches you to love what you lost.”*** – Unknown

    Best wishes!

24. Break up. You don’t deserve him with how immature you make yourself sound.

25. I’ve not personally read in detail the ideas of “love languages”, but it is popular now. Sometimes you have a need for an expression of love that isn’t the default expression of a partner. For example, supposing you felt love by gift giving but your partner usually uses acts of service to show love. The mismatch will leave you both feeling unfulfilled.

    Words of affirmation (compliments) is one of these right? So maybe he just expresses his love differently. (Switch it out for “affection” if the label of love isn’t quite right just yet). In that case, maybe mention to him that it’s just part of how you know you are liked and important to someone.

    Can’t guarantee this IS what is happening, but consider it a point of information. You can use it to interrogate the facts and conclude what’s right for you guys.

26. Typical female has a great boyfriend and she has to sabotage her relationship because she isn’t getting enough attention and validation. Give me a break

27. She would rather be with a abusive guy who tells her she’s hot while smashing

28. You are an idiot, he sounds great thank god he’s dodge the bullet that was your romantic attention

29. Break up with him so he can date someone that won’t sabotage his otherwise healthy relationship

30. Dude should run for the hills. You sound toxic af.

31. I feel like you tricked yourself into something is wrong in your relationship. Like basically your telling us that your ex isn’t calling you pretty enough 🙄

32. In the most respectful way I can say this, OP is terribly narcissistic and conceited. You say you’ve been talking for 3 months yet can count his compliments on his hand. That’s like what, a compliment every 2 weeks? Not worrying at all.

    You say you’re confident yet you’ve ghosted him for days because he doesn’t compliment you enough, you’re a hypocrite and the guy is better off without you.

    You say he’s treated you better than anyone yet looking at the way you’ve worded this I can 100% see that the only men you’ve dated are shit men. Misery loves company.

33. This seems like an easily managed issue that shouldn’t require a breakup. I understand the desire to want to feel “pretty” and get those sorts of compliments from a partner. If he is truly as caring and respectful as you say he is, he should have no problem working on giving a few more compliments. It’s important to note that you should give him time after the discussion to get used to remembering to compliment as it’s not everyone’s first instinct to do so out loud. Good luck, he sounds like a good guy

34. You are insecure.

35. Great work. Dump a guy because of your need for validation.

36. Sounds like you want a bad boy in your life

37. Your basic self sabotaging your relationship you’ll only be hurting yourself if you do break up with him

38. So just a thought, and something that I’ve done, with a girl, is to have him write on a piece of paper things about you that makes his heart smile makes his heart leap, lol I know it sounds corny, but I kind of went through something similar to where interactions were limited with only words of I love you you’ve been the love of my life. I love everything about you, but specifically it wasn’t there, so we did this exercise and we got specific about certain things and it turned out really awesome.

39. He is 20 for fucks sake.

    Your immaturity is showing.

40. i feel bad about your bf, hopefully he will find someone better

41. You said you are very secure and confident. Then say that this is affecting your confidence and making you feel insecure. This makes no sense.

42. You said your boyfriend treats you pretty good. I would totally break up with him. You need lots of compliments after all.

43. You’re asking the Internet? Do you not have a brain, you muppet!

44. For his sake, not yours, yes

45. Maybe that is his love language, by showing it by being there for you, available and reliable, dates and all that. He seems a good guy and you looking for an issue. Honestly, you got a seemingly good fella.

46. So in other words you want this guy to stroke your ego and shower you with compliments. It’s women like you who make dating hard for the rest of us. He treats you well, and you find fault with him. You’re sabotaging your relationship from within

47. Most likely what will happen is you’ll regret it if you break up with him because the next guy won’t treat you as well.

    It sounds like you talked to him about it but nothing changed. Without knowing exactly what you said, are you sure he understood you need compliments? Also, just ask him directly what he thinks of you (regarding your looks). Maybe he does think you’re beautiful but it doesn’t occur to him to give you compliments about your looks. I will warn you that if you stay with him, that you’ll have to find (or maintain) your self esteem from within, not bolstered by his compliments. It will kinda suck sometimes but hopefully the way he treats you is enough for you. Especially since you said you’ve never been treated that well.

48. Just break up with him and hope that dating you hasn’t traumatized him to the point of becoming an toxic fuck boy. Girls like you are a major reason men become detached manipulative assholes.

    Also start going to therapy and figure out why your sense of validation/confidence is so affected by a lack of compliments from the “guy who has treated you better than any other guy”.

49. He’s too well raised for you. Do him and the world a favour and never speak to him again.