After we met, we went for a wine bar. Talked a lot and came back home and slept together. After waking up we talked more, talked about what he’s pursuing. He said he doesn’t wanna any regrets. If he wouldn’t give their marriage a second chance, he will regret that he didn’t put more efforts in. He also wants to prove to himself and his wife by making sure that they might really not a good match. He told me if we meant to be together, right now the temp separation is just a test. He said he loves me so much that he can’t stop thinking about me when he’s going out with his wife doing groceries and stuff. He kept thinking how great it will be if it’s with me.
But he can’t prove to his wife why he’s so determined to get divorced. So he’s using his efforts to prove to her and mostly importantly to himself. Bc his wife kept questioning him “why you don’t give a second chance. Why you don’t even wanna try. Why you are so sure that we are not compatible”. That’s all bc she doesn’t know he found a better fit. He thinks if after all the effort is done and he’s still not happy with her. Then there’s no way to continue marriage.
After all these talks, I think he calmed me down. But more like soooooo disappointed and devastated. So tired to be in this kinda relationship. No matter how much and often (we kissed like 2000 times today) he says he loves me, he doesn’t act on it, which matters to me the most.
It took us 4 hours to separate. Saying thousands of goodbye but can’t really departing. I had to leave. I need to leave.
I think I’m going to be back to myself. I wrote him a long letter before the holiday. I said I will let him go. I think this is a goodbye. He kept saying this is not a forever goodbye bc he kept thinking that we will eventually end up together. But for me, a goodbye is a goodbye. An end is an end. That’s why it’s so difficult for me to say goodbye.