This is a complicated discussion, but let’s have it.
Do you think there could ever be a version of porn that could be “healthy” to watch? After watching porn off and on for years, and finally going porn free, I had to accept how porn made me feel, which was always very empty and disturbed after the fact. (There has been only one very notable exception to this, and I can explain more if people ask.)
I tell people this, and they say it was the porn I was watching that was toxic, not porn in itself. I don’t know how people define toxic vs healthy porn, but to me, the average mainstream video on any x-rated site (amateur or not) is not healthy for men or women to consume. (And no, me wanting future partners to not watch this porn is not me being jealous or insecure, as I’ve had many people accuse me of. Nor do I think addiction is the only negative risk of porn, but rather, how it shapes our perception of sex, women, and hijacks dopamine into watching more extreme, violent content.)
Yet—if I had a partner I deeply loved and trusted and we both invested most of our sexual energy into our IRL relationship—I would not be opposed to them occassionally watching porn, but I don’t know how that could look like in a healthy way.
Would you have ideas or any helpful thoughts on this as a whole?
ETA: If possible, I’d like to steer this discussion away from sex workers’ rights/independent content, etc. That’s another conversation and ultimately not what my question discusses, which is how porn impacts us as viewers, no matter who it’s made by or how.
TL;DR I don’t like most porn, but I’m wondering if there’s a “healthy” porn my partner and I can include in our relatonship if the desire arises?
3 comments
Why do you want porn in your relationship? Just focus on the relationship part. Your focus speaks to some underlying issues. “Porn is unnecessary in a healthy relationship.” Try focusing on that idea instead. Make it a mantra.
I know that sometimes partners will watch porn together. Definitely not for everyone but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, if both people are into it
Sometimes we play a game where I would try to copy the blowjob an actor is giving in porn. It usually stopped with one of us losing it laughing as it got more ridiculous and then we would shut it off, calm down and then I would give a proper blow job. 15 years together. We both know for sex workers that porn sex is a job not for the pleasure. I don’t give a flying fuck when he watches it to rub one out.