My partner and I are very much in love, and we communicate often and healthily. Our libidos are often mismatched, with mine (M23) being higher than hers(F25), but this is not a big problem often.
However, one thing that is very important to me during sex is to have access of my mouth to breasts. I like breasts, and to me the best, most comforting and pleasurable feeling in the world is having a breast in my mouth.
My partner, however, gets a really bad reaction to having her nipples sucked, so much so that she describes it as a “depressed, hollow” feeling. We believe it to be a symptom of D-MER(dysphoric milk ejection reflex) even though she is not ejecting milk. It is pretty common according to a lot of other young women.
This is not something I want to trigger for her, but I have this need and don’t want to become resentful for her getting her needs and me not. We live together, share everything, have a side hustle together, and plan our lives to be together forever, but this has been a road block. Any advice?
Edit: To be clear, I have not sucked on her nipples for about a year, which is when she expressed these feelings.
TL;DR
I have a need to suck on breasts, my partner can’t let me because of Sad Nipple Syndrome, I dont want to become bitter and I love her so much.
5 comments
Interesting, haven’t run across this one before.
My initial thought is to consider some fake boob action. Maybe a hand-held by your partner to give you the sensation, or perhaps some wearable one’s, that she could put on occasionally to make it a bit more realistic?
I absolutely hate having my nipples sucked on. It feels annoying and irritating, especially when I’m ovulating or on my period. My partner can do it if he’s played with them with his hands for a bit first and it’s not during those times, but I still don’t really enjoy it. Thankfully, he’s an ass guy.
If its uncomfortable for her then stop sucking her nipples! You can do other things to those tits like kiss, touch and focus on other parts of her body. You don’t want her to become so uncomfortable with this situation that it causes a problem in your relationship.
Perhaps you could avoid the nipple itself and try kissing/sucking/lightly nipping the rest of the breast?
Don’t confuse strong desires and “needs”. And being significantly emotionally uncomfortable with a sex act trumps really, really liking a sex act.
Maybe others have better advice than me, but other than continuing to find ways to talk with her about finding an accommodation for you? I don’t know what advice to give you other than trying to find a way to lessen or distract you from this desire.
Breasts are primal. We are mammals. The desire to have a nipple in our mouths is one of our deepest instincts for survival that kicks in before we know anything at all about our world or ourselves. After breathing, it’s pretty much the second instinct that kicks in after we are born!!! But that said, how bad we have that instinct in a sexual context as adults varies a lot. I love breasts, I love nipples, I love fondling, sucking, and all that. But I wouldn’t enjoy that if I knew it made my lover not just bored or indifferent to it, but fundamentally uncomfortable. To me breasts are great, but there’s plenty of great features to the female body. If my lover generally wanted her breasts to be left alone, but we had an otherwise hot sex life, I could probably live with that feeling no fundamental loss. Ideally I’d at least get to see them during sex or have at least some light caressing of them to satisfy my desires to commune with the titty goddesses.
But I think the best thing you can do is find ways to not be so needy/compelled around nipples. And get some counseling/therapy if you need to. Not because there’s anything wrong with your desires, just that you need ways to deal with not getting them met. I assume opening things up to a degree and bringing in a second partner who loves nipple play wouldn’t be interesting to your GF?
It’s funny, I’ve had ladies toy with my nipples and I don’t mind (mostly, they can get a little sensitive sometimes), but it does nothing for me at all. No more erotic to me than any other part of my chest. Some guys really do find it sensual/sexual to have their nips stimulated. So, these things vary a lot person to person. No right or wrong, but we have to deal with our differences. But having felt that over sensitive, rather have them left alone feeling in my nipples I can at least begin to understand why someone may not like their nips stimulated.