My gf will sometimes get into a bad mood for no reason and I’ll try talking to her and she’ll say “what” in an annoyed tone once i. awhile on the trip. However, just a second later her friends will try to talk to her and she’ll be super nice to them. She tells me that she was not in a great mood but she can express herself to me completely without any filter while she has to be nice to her friends even if she’s in a bad mood. Other times she’s like super nice and sweet. Would u brush this off or would this be a reason to break up?
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Firstly- women will be the nicest people to their most hated enemies. They say, the knife is the weapon of a woman, because backstabbing is in their nature.
But to your problem:
Communication is key. When she snaps at you, you need to sit her down and tell her that it is a not acceptable behaviour.
You are her partner, she should be able to discuss things that annoy her in a non aggressive manner.
If you’re getting raw, unfiltered ‘Her’ while she switches on a facade for her firends it may suggest an ability to be more open and honest with you, rather than the friends being more important.
Call her out on being mean or stroppy when she’s being mean and stroppy, but do what you can to make her feel better, too. Get her a cup of tea or something.
Her bad moods won’t be caused by literally nothing. It’s either A – something she doesn’t want to share, B – something she doesn’t understand, or C – hormones fucking her over. Either way, you both get a better outcome if she gets a compassionate response.
Seems to me that doesn’t feel like she has to put on a mask in front of you, or she doesn’t care to. But it’s all in the communication. Catch when she’s not in a bad mood and just talk to her. Ask her how she feels when she snaps at you, and how it makes you feel.
Communication is key.
Patience is key. A little space. It’s ok to be a little snappy.
People are saying communication is key. I totally agree with this. So tell her that she needs to tell you what is wrong otherwise you will finish with her.
Being “snappy” and her not communicating what’s going on is manipulative and abusive. Dont put up with it.
That’s simple. I don’t. If someone is incapable or unwilling to treat me with respect and dignity as a human being then they’re not worth me even bothering to deal with them. If I’m dating a girl and she simply can’t be a mature adult and communicate like one, then I’m out. It’s not worth my time being in a relationship with someone who can’t clearly communicate in a respectful manner about what they’re thinking and feeling. Plus I’m not going to tolerate being emotionally or psychologically abused by an immature partner who’s unwilling to just communicate with me.
I don’t. If they are in a bad mood, we can talk about it but hey aren’t going to take out their shit on me.
And no, it isn’t ok to be a little bit snappy. That behavior fosters frustration, anger, and resentment.
seems pretty gross. find a moment when she’s not like this to talk about the times that she is.
The way I deal with it is to give her space but let her know if she needs anything that, I am there for her honestly; as people have said already, talk with them and just let them know you’re there.
Welcome to life with women
I avoid them while they are in that type of mood.
If I’m in a mood like that I fully expect her to leave me alone. If she insists on poking the bear, that’s her choice to get snapped at. I understand that sometimes people have moods like that. But I personally have absolutely no desire to get snapped at for something that has nothing to do with me. And I’m not going to sit there and be someone else’s punching bag because they’re having a bad day.
As far a is that a cause to break up with her? Having bad moods isn’t a reason to break up with someone.
Now, if that behavior is constant towards you but she’s fine when around other people, Then there’s either something drastically wrong in your relationship, or she just has some issues that she needs to deal with before she is ever in a romantic relationship.
>I’ll try talking to her
That’s your first mistake, don’t say shit.
Keep quiet or leave her in her bad mood. Let her figure it out that she’s acting a fool.
Sounds like she is immature. I’ve had this exact thing with an ex. Sometimes women like to be mean to their SO BECAUSE THEY CAN. they don’t realize that it hurts us. The casual snappy rudeness is seen as “taking control of your man” to a lot of women.
You have to stand up for yourself my friend. It won’t naturally fix itself. Next time she snaps. Be real. REAL REAL.
“Sweetheart, chill the fuck out, I asked you a fucking question, if you keep having an attitude with me over just a question then this relationship is going to end. I will not stay with someone who treats me like shit. Final warning”.
Yes it’s stupidly blunt and equally rude. But if your upset. You need to show your fangs my dude. You are important and needed. You deserve to be treated well. We all do. Sometimes bad habits are not solved from gentle conversations.
Just my opinion. Don’t take it as 100% fact.
Go with “Don’t be a cunt.” Check her bullshit early and often, that way she knows you won’t tolerate her shitty behavior.
My wife used to snap when frustrated. An unfortunate habit she picked up from her parents. It took several conversations where I essentially said if I’m not the source of your frustration it’s not right to take it out on me. She agreed, it took a good amount of time for her to un-learn the habit. Very rarely happens now and when she does she immediately apologizes because she knows it isn’t nice.
I’m married so breaking up of little things isn’t an option, I just giver her space when she’s being a bitch, and she gives me space when I’m being a bastard. This type of thing will happen in any relationship, mature people accept it, work through it and move on.
I’ll typically call it out and ask them if there’s something on their mind. If there is I like to talk it out with them
Counselling
As everyone else has said: This is a discussion (or several) not immediately a breakup worthy offense. It CAN be a sign of bad things to come, or it can be a habit picked up elsewhere that has nothing to do with you.
I had a girlfriend once who was more or less like what you described. The first time it happened I was confused because I’d never seen it before so I called it an anomaly. The second time I walked away from her until she was in a mood to discuss the matter and told her that I’ll always treat her with respect but I require the same in return. She can lean on me for support, but I’m not going to be her whipping post. She first responded defensively, but also surprised…I might have been the first man in her life not to yell at her. It took a few discussions for her to break the habit, but because she was working on it AND because I was making sure to actually pay attention to her mood we got over that little hurdle pretty quickly.
It’s great that she feels that type of vulnerability/openness with you, but that doesn’t equal the freedom to grate on you like that. Do with that what you will.
If she can turn it on and off, this behavior can change. The question is is she willing to change. If the answer is no, I would break up. This is not healthy Ina long term committed relationship.
I was just ok with it tbh. She always apologized after. I knew she didn’t mean it.
My problems are generally the opposite. If you *don’t* say something that’s when its a problem for me. If being a bit snappy is a side effect of communicating important things, ill gladly take it.