I (34F) have been with my OH (31M) for around a year. We’re both pretty awkward people and only ever communicate what we want/like whilst we’re being intimate. And I very rarely even do this. Basically, the sex isn’t the best but I’ve tolerated it because he gets off and it makes me feel good knowing I’ve pleased him. I have orgasms on my own and that sorts me out so I’m satisfied.
The end of last year we had sex whilst spooning. I really enjoyed it and was super turned on by him pressing up against me, which he could tell because I was actually wet when he entered me. It was a position we hadn’t tried before and I could tell he loved it too.
However, this year so far has been frustrating. We’ve had sex three times and all three times he’s instigated it whilst we’ve been cuddling, him spooning me in bed. It’s just clothes pulled down, not looking at each other, no kissing, no meaningful touching and he goes about 5-10 pumps and it’s over. It’s not sexy and it’s not romantic. It’s functional.
My past relationship was quite emotionally abusive so communicating my feelings is very difficult for me. So I would love some suggestions as to how *I* could instigate sex in a way that would mix things up and show him that sex can be enjoyable at a slower pace. I want to see and feel his body. And kiss him. And take our time so we actually feel more emotionally connected. I would love to have him inside of me but not moving, just kissing, so I can feel that closeness.
Any advice would be great, especially from any other awkward communicators, thank you!
4 comments
Take turns planning sexy dates, where the person in charge plans the activities on the date and after.
Ask yourself what you would like to do. You can write a letter about what you want to do. Be imaginative and let yourself dream about what good sex is. What you enjoyed in the past.
You would have to write ten pages on here to get detailed sensible suggestions but start to take control slowly. To start, next time he initiates push back with your hand and tell him to slow down. Perhaps grab his hand and put it on your clitoris and insist he stimulates you a little before he puts it in. Then slowly increase the range of control each time until you can turn around and then move on top.
He might even enjoy the whole process and start to join in.
You’ve done a great job explaining it here, just communicate it to him. 5-10 pumps? Crazy. Try getting on top and controlling this situation!❤