This is a problem that I have since childhood.
Im a nerdish guy with nerdish hobbies (anime and whatever fixations i had at the moment) so I’d thought it would make sense for me to join groups who are similar to me as well.
Problem is, when it comes these sorts of group, I rarely find myself compabitle with a lot of nerdy guys. They’re usually smartasses and hyper competitive, and in certain cases i would even say assholes. In all instances, Im usually the most timid and least competitive out of the entire group, so i was quite an easy picking for others to casually emasculate and rise in hierarchy.
When I joined a ‘normie’ friend group, I noticed that the atmosphere is a lot more chill. They are usually more understanding, so I have less issue with opening up and being myself. However at the same time their interests rarely aligns with mine, so I have to tone myself down a bit because otherwise they won’t know what im talking?
So as you can see, it’s kind of a dichotomy. Im not sure if Im just being too sensitive and lack the backbone to stay competitive masculine environment.
For the nerds out there, have you felt the same way as well?