Alright, as sad as this might sound, I do have a lot of details that make this a little easier to understand.
Let me start off by saying I put a LOT of effort into intimacy in general, not just sex. I always make sure she is comfortable, take her out to eat, movies, hike, all of the stuff shes loves to do. I also do not skimp out on sex. Lots of foreplay, to the point where she’s pretty much begging to get it on. I try to make it about her as much as possible, because I really want her to feel good. We were each other’s first times, although before that I had decent amount of experience with masturbating. Her, not so much. When we first started exploring(fingering, oral) and she wasn’t really having orgasms, I chalked it up to me just being inexperienced, and figured I just needed to listen more and ask more questions about what I could do better. However, it just never really worked.
I bought a vibrator for her and started using it during sexy time, which she loved, but she still never really got there. Eventually, she asked me to take it home with her so she could try on her own, just to experiment. She still couldn’t get there.
My girlfriend is on Lexapro, which I know can completely throw everything out of wack when it comes to – cumming. But I feel the situation is a bit different. Her sex drive is through the roof. She wants to have sex every time she sees me, and we have a great sex life together, and she tells me she doesn’t care about orgasming anyway. The reason why she can’t get there, is because the sensation ends up getting too strong and she pulls away, no matter how gentle and slow I go. The same thing happens when shes doing it on her own, it just becomes too much.
Is this also a normal thing that happens with SSRIs?
She is also on birth control, concerta, and arthritis medication, so yeah I could see that all of this would kinda mess with the rhythm.
Anyway, even though she says she doesn’t care, I just can’t help but feel that maybe I’m not good enough and someone else would do it with ease when I struggle so much. I also just really want her to feel extra good, she is amazing and she deserves it.
Any advice here?
TL;DR
Girlfriend and I have tried for over 2 years to find her orgasm, including her masturbating, and communication. Still, it seems like she can’t get there because the feeling gets too strong and she pulls away. Anyone else been in a similar boat? Any suggestions?
5 comments
She’s insecure
> Her sex drive is through the roof.
The mental block the medication has as a side effect is likely the culprit. The craves are there, it is jut not being able to get over that last hump, to the orgasm.
I was in a relationship for a long time when she went on and off like type medications. She had no problem orgasming while not on the medication. It was medication related, based on how if affected her ability of taking in the first weeks.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors as the name suggests increas the amount of active serotonin in the nervous system which is not ideal when it comes to sexual pleasure that is mainly experienced trough dopamine release. It’s not about your skills. No amount of experience can defeat physiology.
From what I understand depending on the specific medication certain nerve endings can be less affected than others depending om the density of specific receptora in a give area. For example while usually it’s easier for a woman to orgasm from clitoral stimulation when taking SSRI she may find it more plausible to reach climax during penetration. I’m not familiar with Lexapro.
I didnt have my first orgasm until I was 23 and the last by a guy I was 26, now 42. Definitely the lexapro can cause this to happen. I take antidepressants as well and Im never sure if they are the cause or if its just me. I can have orgasms with a vibrator, but even sometimes it takes a while. Try a sensual body massage, loosen her muscles up and dont do what you see in porn lol. All you can do is keep trying until you find a thing that gets her there.
I agree with most here that the SSRIs could be the issue. Just a side thought though is perhaps getting her head in the game so to speak rather than a strictly physical approach. I know you said she didn’t have a libido issue, but perhaps getting her mind and fantasy’s going more could help. As all of this advise here seems to hinge on the mind, that may be the place to start the excitement.