Yesterday I got home from work earlier than my wife did. She said she forgot to get out of the subway at the right station and had to make her way back so I thought it would take a while before she got home. So I texted her saying I’m taking our dog to the dog park, which is a daily routine. She replied go ahead.
The park was pretty dark with some lights not turning on. When she arrived at the dog park, with her mask on, I didn’t recognize her. She walked in front of me said “You still haven’t recognized me?” I was surprised and said “Oh! You’re here already that was quicker than I thought.” Then I proceeded to run laps around the park with our dog like I always do. She started chatting with other dog owners in the park, including one woman who she is friends with.
When we are walking home she said she is mad because when I finally recognized her I “was not pleasantly surprised.” She then said “I wasn’t happy to see her in the park because I was planning to chat up her friend.” She said her sixth sense is telling her I like her friend. I don’t, and I barely interact with her. My wife acted like she caught me cheating for the evening.
What the actual…? This has happened several times and always made me very uncomfortable. I always feel like they happened out of the blue. Last time we were on the plane, I helped the attendant pass the meal to a middle aged woman beside me, who had a window seat. My wife accused me of hitting on her because she could have stretched her arms and take the meal without my help.
12 comments
Your wife sounds super insecure and immature. Did this just start happening or has she always been this way? Sometimes people can carry insecurities from previous relationships over into their current relationships. Also, there’s a saying someone once told me when my ex [who was the one actually cheating] would randomly accuse me of cheating when I definitely wasn’t…. the guilty dog often barks first. Not saying you are being cheated on but people also occasionally project things onto others that they feel guilty about themselves.
some options:
A: she’s insecure.
B: she’s projecting.
if she’s insecure, then she should go therapy.
if she’s projecting, so maybe she’s the one who’s cheating.
did you ever caught any “red flags” or “weird behaviours” from her?
You should dig in maybe she is the one who is doing the cheating. đ
I donât think sheâs cheating on you, I think sheâs severely paranoid and insecure. Is there a reason she doesnât trust men? Like stemming from childhood?
I think you should plan a talk. Like on a Sunday when youâre both home and have no plans.
Make some coffee and get bagels or something and ask her why she feels this way and assure her every time sheâs said this, sheâs been wrong.
She could definitely use some therapy.
Why donât you say âMaybe we should see a counselorâ and then maybe you could finagle it into just her seeing a therapist.
If I were you I would approach your wife about it. I’d straight up ask her why she thinks I’m cheating. And be honest so we can deal with this issue now. But speak now or forever hold your peace. I’m not going to be accused of cheating any more from this day forward. So deal with it now or never accuse me again.
She was projecting. There was probably another reason she was late.
Sounds like textbook projection to me. She may be the one cheating. Especially with the getting lost in the subway excuse.
Sheâs cheating, everyone here is telling you that. All of us from around the world and different backgrounds are saying that. Are we all wrong?
Assuming you never cheated or acted shady for real, your wife is insecure, and probably has a fear of abandonment or some other fear driving her to behave this way. When she acts this way, tell her straight up that you have never done anything to make her think you would be unfaithful, and that these accusations are tiring and unwarranted. Tell her your behavior is no different than hers, so why is she so anxious about this? Give her some examples of the behavior you are describing. Tell her that you can’t lock yourself away from the world or stop talking to all females. The solution is for her to change her perception of this and work on trusting you more. Ask her why it is so hard for her to trust you. Ask her why she is so quick to think that you are being inappropriate. Hopefully she will open up, and that creates an opportunity for you to suggest individual counseling for her.
Your wife seems to be *extremely* insecure. As in “needs therapy” levels of insecure.
There’s also the fact that people tend to project their own desires onto romantic partners, so, I’d step carefully there. It doesn’t mean she is cheating. But she could be having thoughts and the projection is a way to rationalize.
It sounds like it’s time for couples counseling, ideally in addition to individual therapy.
People who don’t trust can’t be trusted and I would consider if this is projection or not.
Tell your wife she needs to see a licensed mental health counselor. This is not just simple insecurity or jealousy. Pretty soon the accusations will become even more bizarre. You go to the store to get some groceries and come home to find that she has calculated how long to get there, shop, and come back, and you took much longer than she deems as necessary. Proof that you are cheating.
Or how long it takes you to come back from work, if you smile at a cashier or waitress, etc, etc.