I just wanted to see if I could get any advice. Lately I’ve realized that for much of my early 20s into now (27) I have self sabotaged going out and doing social things. I would purposely flake, lie and say I was busy, work as an excuse, etc. I’m starting to realize that it’s probably due to low self-esteem and fear of making a fool of myself. But as soon as I miss out I feel angry with myself for ruining the chance to gain those social experiences….it’s become this cycle I can’t get out of. I want to be social and have a lot more memories with friends. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any advice on how to overcome this?
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I deal with a similar situation when it comes to being anxious about social gatherings. One way I’ve dealt with it is by focusing more on specific aspect of a gathering: maybe a close friend is going and I want to spend more time with them, we’ll be doing something that I enjoy as a hobby, etc. I find that it helps me not get overwhelmed and nervous about who might be there, how I’ll act/have to act, etc. The best advice I can honestly give you is just to take every opportunity whenever someone invites you to go out somewhere. It was uncomfortable at first but just going with it and following through with an invitation was what helped me become more comfortable in social situations in general.
self-sabotage but in the other direction. if you know all you do is self-sabotage, self-sabotage the self-sabotage.
This was me when my self esteem was much lower. My fear was that if I got too close to people, they would see more of my flaws or boring personality and think less of me. A few things can help with that. One is self improvement. If you think you’re boring, finding new hobbies will make you a much more interesting person than someone who sits around the house all day.
Another thing is changing your mindset to view yourself as already interesting. It’s refreshing to speak to someone who’s excited and passionate about things they’re into.
And finally, you can view invitations to go out as exciting opportunities where anything can happen instead of just being events to “endure”. This last one is important in general for getting out of your comfort zone. You’ll have so much to talk about if you keep taking up invites because you’ll have all these experiences and stories to tell.