I never got along with my husbands family. Early on when they couldn’t control me they managed to turn his whole family against me for years by spinning lies. It was traumatising but I tolerated it since we moved out.
Then we were invited over by the only family I hadn’t really met them since they lived a few hours away. When we finally arrived I expected them to shun us too but surprisingly they were warm. I remember being so thankful that someone had finally given me a chance. For the first time in a while I relaxed and was able to laugh and joke. We stayed up all night having heart to heart and I realised my husband aunt had gone through exactly what I did but at the hands of my mil mother. She wasn’t shocked at what I told her. Her daughters were warm and kind and I ended up being very close to one of them.
Years later and I still stay in touch with them. I felt such thankfulness for their kindness. The daughter I bonded with is a few years older and wise and I looked up to her. The only thing we clashed On was how we dealt h with toxic people. She believed in forgiving and being the bigger person whilst I believed in cutting people off if they’re toxic.
Some months back I start revaluating my relationships that weren’t healthy and I’d been tolerating and distancing myself . I also noticed that my husbands cousin who I felt so bonded to and whom I talked to often where we’d pour our heart out didn’t seem like initiate over conversations, I always did.
So one day I just stopped initiating conversation.. and she never reached out. I had so much love and respect for her and it really hurt that it’s been months and she would just never reach out. I though we were close. We shared so much and talked so often. But one thing was she and her family have their own trauma with my husbands side and they were so scared of ruffling feathers so we honestly her family and her had to hide we were close for years.
Her sister who I’m not even that close to still responds to things I post as does her mother but it’s radio silence from her. It came to a head recently when her sister messaged me asking me how I was and then asked if I’d spoken to her sister lately. When I replied no she recommended I should reach out and I told her I wasn’t going to be making an effort any longer with people who couldn’t be bothered making an effort with me. She never replied back but I’m wondering if I was out of line
Was wondering how I could have best handled this I obviously feel hurt because I valued our friendship that now feels it was one sided. It’s hard in life to find people who genuinely are happy for you. This friend and her family prayed for me when I had a rough time, sent me well wishes, I felt their genuine happiness when we finally bought our home. Had our babies. They felt like family. I wonder if I hurt her somewhere along the way. She told me once that once someone hurts her she just slowly distances herself. I feel like she’s doing that to me and it sucks. I don’t want to force someone to be there. But it sucks