He has feelings, I am have feelings. We are similar etc.
But he’s is a young man….he lives in a dream and illusion. While I know my face is growing older and I don’t expect he would be happy with it in 10 years time. (I’m 40, he is 23).
So I have to break it off. I want him to go be happy. How do I do it?
29 comments
“Look, I’m a cougar. Cougars gotta prowl. I can’t get committed.”
There’s no way to break up without being the bad guy, so break up and tell him that things aren’t working out. You don’t have to go into detail.
Then in the future date someone who you are comfortable dating.
Did this once for a younger woman. My advice? Don’t be a martyr. I regret it today and for the past 20 years.
Try having a clear conversation about the reality and let him decide. You seem like you might be mature enough to handle the evetuality…enjoy what you have as long as you can have it.
When I was 19 and the older woman I was seeing broke it off, she was direct and to the point that we were in different places in life and it was best we move on. It hurt but I accepted. Where she went wrong was coming back to hook up when she got lonely. So once you break it off you have to cut contact.
A young man needs a woman who will bear his children. You are too old. Please don’t take his youth and family away from him.
You are using your own age against you. Let him decide what he wants to do.
If I were some 23 year old dude and some 40 year old MILF wanted my attention, I’d give it to her.
Maybe he’s happy where he is? Unless you guys are getting married, you can always split later if things don’t work out. Why force it now?
I saw your comment about kids, man needs a woman that can have their children, etc. That’s BS. Some guys are perfectly fine not having kids with the woman they choose. Don’t decide that for him. Let me him decide on his own.
If you’re both enjoying it, let it play out on it’s own.
My best mate is 14 years younger than his wife. They met when he was 24 and they have 3 kids now and never been happier. Express your concerns and decide together. Don’t make a decision based on what you think he thinks. Good luck
Edit: he’s 48 now
Enjoy the moment and the romance. My grandparents had an 18 year age difference and were happily married for 40 years. Through my 20s and early 30s I had romances with older men, I adore me the time together and felt we both got something out of the time spent together.
Introduce him to attractive women his own age?
I’m 28 and my gf is 40 with 4 kids. We’re happy as can be, her and the kids live with me, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Instead of making up his mind for him and sabotaging the relationship for no reason, try having a serious talk with him about your concerns and see where he sits
You’ve posted asking how to stop sabotaging relationships. When that’s exactly what you’re about to do.
Buy him some Vbucks for Fortnite and slip out the door while he’s distracted.
first of all it took you long enough to learn a valuable lesson, don’t mess with peoples feelings….
Make a TikTok breaking up with him. Could become a new viral challenge
He’s a grown ass man, don’t listen to Reddit which tells you any age gap bigger than a couple months is bad.
Just be honest, firm, fair, and direct. Then when you turn around to walk away don’t look back. It’s not fair to either of you if one gets strung along.
Some men don’t get their shit together until their 30’s/40’s. Every man is running their life at their own pace. You can teach him shortcuts if you’re willing to put the time and effort in, but I doubt either of you want to do that. Definitely something you should discuss, and you definitely don’t want to leave anything unsaid before you decide to part ways.
Tackle the problem, if you see no solution then just Put your cards on the table. Tell him, Listen this is how I want things in the future & it’s not aligning with yours. So we should break off. You’ll get it when you’re older.
So… first things first, if you’re breaking things off with him based only on your assumption that he won’t be happy with you in ten years as you age, that’s a you issue not a relationship issue and I’d encourage you to avoid ending an otherwise good relationship based solely upon your insecurities about your physical appearance as you age.
​
That said, if there’s more to it and you have other reasons for wanting to end it, the absolute best thing you can do is be fully honest and tell him what you want and why you want, don’t pull punches or sugarcoat it. Women often want to let men down easy and avoid hurting their feelings and it leaves some guys hoping there’s still a chance where there isn’t one or wondering what they did wrong when a woman doesn’t tell them. Just be honest, explain why you’re unhappy and tell him you’re over.
I volunteer myself as tribute.
“you have been promoted to friend”
Why? It sounds like you both are happy, why break up if that’s the case?
You’re worried about YOUR face in ten years.
That’s a YOU problem, not a him problem.
You might be living in more “dreams and illusions” than him, but yours is some kind of nightmare that he won’t be able to accept you because *checks notes*… because of your face.
Are you sure he’s the one being immature right now? You’re going to trash a relationship for THAT reason?
So you’re 40, time for a midlife crisis, so what. Get over it. You like him, he likes you, that’s the end of the story right there. Don’t add anything else, don’t add any worries, don’t take anything away from it, just let it be what it already is because it’s already a good thing.
In other words, when you got a good thing going, stop looking for reasons and methods to fuck it up.
I would kill to be in your shoes, that would be paradise. I would never squander something that special and lucky in order to trade it in for *checks notes* something less special and lucky. Like, do you even hear yourself?
Let him know your feelings, but don’t go making decisions for the BOTH of you without giving him a fair chance. You’re a unit now. You’re together. Don’t you ever go asking other people how to break up a unit instead of talking to the unit. That’s… seriously fucked up. Basically that shows that you’re a risky/dangerous person to love because you don’t even get input from the one person that should mean the very most to you.
Imagine turning the tables. You love some dude that’s older than you are. He goes on the internet asking how he should dump you instead of just… ya know, TALKING to you about his feelings and giving you a FAIR chance?
Do NOT be an unfair lover.
In my opinion, Don’t. Chances are if you tell him what your thinking he will tell you how dumb those thoughts are. If he cares for you those feelings aren’t going to change over a 17year age gap, which is not as big of a gap as people think. If you are considering it for your own benefit, accept it as such and do what you need to, but this guy can think about his own future and has determined he would not be happier without you.
I mean this as politely as possibly but a 40 year old woman is practice for him. If you enjoy the practice sessions then don’t worry about it. He’s going to get his confidence up and eventually go with someone he can start a family with.
You may want him to be happy, but also consider how much control you really have over that. Be honest and kind, if you are confident you have done these two things then you can also accept that his feelings are his own and show respect by letting him take responsibility for his own feelings.
There’s no easy way. Be clear and straightforward. He will respect more for it.
Hey!!! 40 is the new 30!
Just be straight with him and tell him he will understand when he gets your age.
Honest opinion here, don’t.
Life is what you make of it, nothing is guaranteed and happiness is always fleeting, people will always change and life will always get in the way. These are facts we can not avoid no matter how hard we try, so carpe diem – seize ever day for all it’s worth, be open honest and listen. You probably don’t see it but your happiness is as important to him as much as it is important to you.
So enjoy your relationship, have lots of fun and get as much out of it for both of you as you both can.
Truth is your more valuable than you give yourself credit for, you deserve to be happy as well.
“This isn’t working for me anymore.”