I’m (27f) newly married (4 months) to (m32) and I think my husband doesn’t like having sex with me anymore.
I feel like our sex life is slacking since before. And we’re only 4 months in- I don’t know how it’s going to be later.
A week before our honeymoon we only had sex once. Then returning from there,my husbands eardrum nearly busted. He had terrible pain and said his ear feels full all the time. This was a little over a month ago.
Since then it’s gotten better and he says there are good days and bad.
However in this 6 week span, we only have sex once a week.
I did talk to him about or lack of sex and he said it’s due to his ear and Also his 15lb weight gain since the wedding makes him feel gross and also un energetic.
At first I believed him, but now im starting to wonder if he’s using it as an excuse.
This morning I offered a BJ and he rejected me. I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s rejected me at this point.
We use to have sex every time we’d shower together. And lately the last couple of times he joins me in the shower, and nothing happens.
I don’t think he’s cheating. I haven’t had any proof of that or any signs. But, you never ever truly know, ya know.
I’m not sure if I’m the one at fault for wanting to have more sex, or if there’s something else he’s not telling me. He use to initiate more and now it feels like nothing. If I bring it up, it will be the 3rd time I bring it up in the past 2 months and I’ll lose my mind. I feel rejected and unwanted and unhappy. I don’t know what to make of this or do. I asked him if he has any fantasies or wishes and he said he likes it now and there isn’t anything he wanted to try.
6 comments
Big red flag, girl.
Maybe he is just depressed, or stressed. Or just low libido.
Listen to what he says. Sometimes we experience phases like that and there are many reasons why.
Him gaining weight and being unenergetic is a valid reason. It makes you want to move less and normally not want to do anything at all. At the same time, his energy becomes limited and he could be spending his energy towards something else such as work or chores.
Try asking him to start working out, it will help with the weight loss, bring that energy back up as well as his testosterone levels.
It could also just being complacent or contentment. He could also be adjusting since you are newly married. The lifestyle change, things change in the house, his routines, your routines, these could all be a factor. Also, comfortability can be an issue. He might not be as comfortable as you think he is with you (if you’ve only recently moved in together) and this is normal for couples.
Cheating can potentially be a reason but I tend to not focus on negative things like that until you have proof because it will only bring in more negativity to your thoughts, yourself, the way you see him and your relationship. So try to avoid that as much as possible.
Oh and sometimes there’s just no reason for it. It really just happens and you can’t explain it.
Personal experience, I encountered the same thing with my partner before and I tried looking for answers everywhere, making my own theories and conclusions, sometimes getting mad at her for not being able to give me a valid reason. Until it happened to me too, and she ended up doing the same, constantly asking me why, asking constantly if im interested in someone else or if im cheating. But doing all of that just drains the person more because they really just can’t explain it but whoever is asking just won’t take the answer they’re getting. Doing this just lowers down the drive to have sex more and you could be unconsciously pushing your partner away even further instead of reeling them back in.
The fact that you’re newly married makes this a major concern. Wow. Offering up a blowjob and having him reject you… there’s something else at play here.
Well you need to talk to him again. Talk to him about seeing a doctor about his ear and talk about him doing something about his weight.
If those are the reasons he’s given you, he needs to be addressing them.
With any issues regarding libido, the steps are simple. First you talk. You find out why. Then you find out whether it’s a problem for the other person and whether they even want to address it. If they do, you take action. If action is taken and things improve, great.
If the actions don’t work or they refuse to take action, then it moves to decision time. Are you willing to potentially spend the rest of your life with an unfulfilling sex life?
Unfortunately, this isn’t something you should really be dealing with as a newlywed. But alas..
I hope this is genuinely just a blip due to health reasons and such.
You have to address this. Rejection will totally undermine yourself worth and confidence. The longer a couple stops sex the harder to get started back up again.
Further your unmet needs will poison you attitude towards him sooner or later. Part of the wedding vows is unspoken but should be verbal. In exchange for sexual exclusivity we pledge to meet our partner’s sexual needs and where possible their desires and fantasies. For whatever reason he is violating these unspoken but understood wedding vows just as surely as if he we’re cheating.
You guys are too early on to be having these issues- it is a huge concern. It is usually men who complain about sex dying after marriage so you are at least unique.
There is the old rather caustic joke about sex and marriage. Put a penny in a jar every time you have sex the first year. Take a Penny out every time you have sex after the first year- you will die with coins still in the jar.
You have to make sure that this is not your marriage. Best wishes