So im naturally a dick and have been a dick to a lot of people in my life prior and burnt many bridges and lost many friends because i have a very insensitive nature. I met this girl who’s sister was in an abusive relationship and the guy was a dick to her from what i heard but she was into me and dumped him for me. I made it my prerogative to be as nice as possible around her and told myself that i would change and no longer be an insensitive asshole i was now “mr niceguy”. I took her on dates and bought her gifts and wanted to give her something she didn’t seem to get with her ex. Well after dating a couple weeks the girl told me she had a breakdown and didn’t wanna continue a relationship because she still thinks about her ex which puzzles me because i figure she broke up with him because he was a cheating dick that treated her like a sex doll and like trash and here i thought she would respect me more for treating her right and being a lot more mature than her ex. Well i guess i was wrong because she started texting to her ex again but yesterday told me she’s over him and blocked him so she’s okay with continuing things with me. She also told me she wants me to yell at her and call her names because she feels like shit and i really don’t get it. I mean yeah i can be a really cold mean person when i wanna be but I’ve exhaustedly tried to be nice to this girl and be a new person i don’t wanna go back to my old self and I also don’t wanna give her leverage to call me a dick to all her friends like the way she talks about her ex. She annoys the shit outa me at times but I’ve kept myself in check from calling her anything or acting out. I want a drama free relationship but i am starting to feel really drained about all this.
4 comments
You don’t need to do anything aside from encourage her to seek therapy. Good on you for stepping up and bettering yourself, though. It’s not easy.
>but she was into me and dumped him for me.
Well that was your first mistake. Dont date someone who dumps their partner for you or is fresh out of a committed or turbulent relationship. They need time to get their shit straight. Whats happening is that she got used to be treated poorly. Even though she logically knows its not right, the big emotions and drama is how she perceives “passion”. She has low self esteem and doesnt believe that she deserves to be treated well. She’s not ready for a relationship. If I were you, I’d save myself the hassle, gently tell her to go to therapy and leave.
You ever heard about the trope, girl has an abusive relationship then leaves to go to the “nice guy” ends up cheating on “nice guy” with abusive ex, it’s because she’s immature and craves action/attention/excitement. She’s created a trauma bond with her ex and that’s hard to break because with her ex life is so much more exciting, gets the heart pumping the fear, love, attraction, hate. All that makes her super attracted to the ex all because she’s immature, at least she’s giving you the chance to be toxic to her, to give you the chance to make a trauma bond with you. I had to do this with one of my GFs every couple of weeks or so I had to do something super toxic to make her interested, like not talking to her for a weekend or starting a yelling match over nothing or hate sex yea it fucking sucks being toxic but it worked because she would stop hiding her phone and talking to other dudes after each of these toxic events. Eventually I got tired of this shit and dumped her, she actually moved on to a “nice guy”, she tried to cheat on her new bf multiple times with me because I was the guy who gave her excitement not the new guy, eventually she grew up and stoped trying to slide into my DMs every other month. But still dealing with immature people sucks. I’d say dump her and find someone who doesn’t crave excitement and action in a relationship. It isn’t long term.
Get out of this relationship. It’s great that you’ve matured and become less dickish but if you continue in this relationship, I’m sure you will go back to the dick you once were. Way too many red flags here