Men married or in a serious relationship. How did your relationship change after having 1 or more children? Do you regret having kids?

11 comments

1. After we had kids, my wife lost all interest in me and our relationship. I was basically a roommate/maid/wallet that she could tell at. We eventually split up.

2. We split up, so 🤷🏻‍♂️. Before having kids, most people don’t talk enough about both their parenting and communication styles as well as what communication they expect from their partner. I communicated my fears and frustrations after my son was born; she wanted me to be quiet and be ecstatically thrilled all the time.

3. I don’t regret having kids at all, they’re great. Once you have kids, I’d say that the focus goes from between yourself and your wife to parents managing children’s needs.

   So if you were up late partying with your girl, that’s going to end rather early (or should) so that you create an environment for your kids to sleep in. For my kids, I found that they’d sleep best on a stroller walk, so I took nightly walks to put them to sleep for like 8 years. It’s just a new routine.

   Now, finding adult time and connection with your wife is impacted. You’ll have to plan a night out with them and realize that sex during the day isn’t really going to happen. When the kids are young, you’ll have time still if you get them to bed by 8pm, but as they get older they’ll stay up later and your adult time gets depleted for a few years.

4. We divorced

   Got a new gf and she brought 3 kids with her to my house with my 2 I already have, and I have never been happier or busier in my life than I am these days.

5. We’re stronger for it

   During both her pregnancies and after the second one we went through some of the toughest times in our lives. Together and individually. Getting through all of that together just really made us closer. We know we’re solid. We build together, struggle together, parent together. We’re an amazing team and the love is so strong. It just has grown since the kids and getting through all those things together

   Our focus has definitely expanded. The kids come first and we both know that. But we also make sure our relationship doesn’t suffer for it

   I don’t regret kids. I love my kids more than anything. I’ve always wanted them

6. It simultaneously made our relationship stronger and more stressful. We definitely improved our communication and we are kinder to each other, but we are also more “on edge”.

   I do not regret having kids in the slightest.

7. My daughter is the best thing ever to happen to me. I just had her with the wrong person. That’s not her fault, so I’ll make sure she doesn’t have to pay for it.

8. Sex disappeared. SAHD so I basically do all the housework, and it’s definitely impacted the way she sees me.

   Communication about day to day details is better. Communication about each other and how we feel as a couple never happens. I try, but she brushes it off.

   Sorta regret it but it varies day to day. My life is gone and I have no hobbies or money. Kid is pretty cute and sweet, he makes up for it sometimes.

   36 and my wife is 43, fwiw.

9. My wife suffered with post-natal depression, which led to full depression, our daughter has mental health issues, 33 years later and I can’t leave or they have nothing. I’ve learned to lead an independent life to my family, I pay the bills, they exist

10. Absolutely regret it. I only had one because my wife wanted a child.

    What I should have done is gotten that vasectomy right out of high school.

    No it has nothing to do against my daughter. It’s was just never part of my DNA to want or need children.

11. Zero regrets having kids, becoming a father is literally one of the best things to ever happen to me. In my adult life, I’ve grown more doing the whole father thing, than I have else where, my career life pales in comparison as far as personal growth goes.

    The baby years definitely were busier and had less time to our selves specifically, but we did spend more time together as a family doing the whole parenting thing together. We’re also definitely closer and we’re one hell of a team. One of those “no words needed” and “we fill in the gaps for each other” type of teams.

    Some cons though: some times it’s hard to remember you’re more than just parents, and without a doubt, the sex life has gone down. I know my sex drive is still bouncing, but the wife seems more drained than before kids. Almost like… the cost of becoming a mother is less sex, because you know what the ultimate outcome is, more kids (sort of a joke).