**yes, I’m going to break up with him**
**Edit2: the people have spoken and I have made up my mind. I’m so over this shit. And if anyone brings up that he’s “using” me sexually…. We only have sex one or two times a week, which makes ME very sexually frustrated. He’s actually said to me that he sometimes winds me up sexually just to not have sex at all because he believed that I cheated on him**
My boyfriend(29m) and I(19f) have been dating for about 4-5 months now.
We’ve had some disagreements regarding what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour in relationships. He believes that if you love someone, you would do anything for them. That’s his mentality, however the problem comes when it’s behaviours that I naturally do, and when I do them, I’m disrespecting him and that I don’t love him.
For context, we do bolt and Uber together. He drives and I sit in the passenger seat, it’s more entertaining for him while he works and it’s fun for me because I can be with him. We live in a small city and we’re both well known, he’s known in the older demographic and me in the younger. Mostly the younger demographic uses bolt, so I see some of the people that I meet at school or at clubs when working.
I met a guy at a club about 2 months ago and 2-3 days ago, me and my boyfriend had to give him a ride. When we both recognized each other we said our hi’s and how are we’s. He talked about when we first meet in the nightclub, about how he was already 3 drinks in when I got there and then we moved on from the conversation into my soccer because I brought up that I play soccer when we met. He asked me about my soccer, and that’s all we talked about until his destination.
Now today, my boyfriend brought up that interaction because we we’re already in an argument about respect, which started because I was supposed to be dropped off in another town and I was 20 minutes late due to him and the argument snowballed.
He claimed that I was entertaining the dude because I turned my body around to talk to the guy, laughing and saying that I had a really good time at the nightclub. He wanted me to lie to guy and say that I had an okay time and stop laughing so much. And with the turning in the seat, me and the dude were having an actually conversation I was interested in, we weren’t talking about the weather or useless topics.
Now, my boyfriend wants to break up with me because of my behaviour towards men that I know. He doesn’t care how I interact with women because it’s different, even though I am bisexual. I’m unsure on whether or not I want to continue to be in a relationship with someone who wants me to act like a robot in public
TLDR: boyfriends wants me to control my happy behaviour(laughing, smiling) and downplay something exciting I did because he believes I’m entertaining other men
EDIT: Im more confused as to why he would want me to change my behaviour… im very vocal when it comes to the stupid stuff he says about me, my behaviours, and beliefs. When he talks about how I “disrespected” him, 99% I bite back and tell him my reasons as to why I act or say something. It’s not out of disrespect, it’s based on what my parents do in their marriage. My parents are very respectful people and are very open to talk to me about certain parts of their relationship so that I understand and have some guidelines in my own relationships.
27 comments
You need to BOLT away from him. This is just the beginning of his controlling and it will get worse were you will start to believe him. He has 10 years on you for age but he’s acting like a 10 year old. It’s like you have to like who I like and if you don’t, you’re disrespecting me. You are getting gaslit by a narcissist. BOLT for the door and don’t look back. 4-5 months in and he’s showing you who he is, BELIEVE HIM! 🏃🏽♀️💨
Ummm do you REALLY want to stay im a relationship where the man controls who you have a casual convo with RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM WHERE THERE’S NO DECEPTION CAUSE IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM?? That’s so not right.
Your boyfriend is giving you a very rare gift, a way out of the relationship. If he wants to break up with you because he is so controlling and insecure he can’t handle you talking to other men, taking this opportunity and Get TF out.
He is 10 years older than you, the reason men that age go for teenagers is because women their own age have wised up enough not to put up with their shit so they have to go for women who don’t know better. Get out now. He will only get more controlling, more childish, and never give you the respect you deserve.
Mature women often like dating older men because it makes it feel like it validates their maturity while men like that date women significantly younger because they are extremely immature.
You will outgrow this man really quick. Get out now while you have the opportunity. If you don’t take this opportunity to leave, you risk having your mental health trashed by this guy. You don’t deserve that, get out now.
He’s trying to control you, Op. This is not surprising seeing that a 29 year old man is dating a teenager.
“Older” men tend to seek out younger women/teens because the young women don’t have the experience and confidence to call out their bs.
A woman their own age won’t put up with their controlling behavior and will drop them like a hot potato.
This guy sounds very controlling. You can try to change for him. It will make you very unhappy. Or you can move on and find someone who likes you the way you are.
I want you to become extremely objective about what you’re saying here. You are extremely young. Someone who is 10 years older than you is telling you that you don’t have the right to behave in ways that are very normal for your age. I want you to think objectively. Doesn’t make sense that someone who is not your husband has this idea in their head if they have anything over your life at this point of them barely knowing you?
You are being groomed. Please leave him.
Sorry, bfs a dickhead. If doing anything to please doesn’t work both ways, just get the hell out
Age gap AGE GAP 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
End it. Right now. Run.
Just because you seem to be ignoring everyone else, I’ll spell it out. THE AGE GAP IS FUCKING DODGY ENOUGH AS IT IS – let alone his ludicrous behaviour. What a 29yo has in common with a 19yo I wouldn’t know. He’s pathetic, dump and move on. You’re too young to be tied to this shit
Of course he is mad! You were supposed to be a good, quiet and obedient piece of womanflesh that caters only to him. You gave your attention to another person! A guy even! How dare you! You could have spent that effort stroking your bfs ego instead of having a normal conversation with an aquaintance!
Sis, he feels disrespected by you acting like a normal human being.
Also i betcha 5 bucks that his ‘If you love someone you would do anything for them’ is only if it benefits him or makes him look good.
Please be VERY careful if you want to continue this relationship. My asshole-detector is screaming like crazy. If you notice that he makes you feel bad, asks things of you that you are not comfortable with or things he wouldn’t do for you then you should walk away. He is already treating you like a posession and with his anger he tries to discourage or punish you from doing things he does not like.
He’s an asshole. It’s unlikely a well adjusted 29 year old is dating a 19 year old. See someone your own age.
This isn’t a relationship, he just wants someone to control.
>Now, my boyfriend wants to break up with me
For the love of God, let him.
>Im more confused as to why he would want me to change my behaviour
Coz he wants to control you.
There’s a reason every single women who dated a much older guy when they were 18-19 tells you it’s a red flag and you should run. Please don’t think your experience will be any difference from the hundreds of young women routinely exploited by older men. You’re not on equal footing, it’s not a partnership when one person is an adult pushing 30 and the other has school in the morning.
Your boyfriend is an insecure dick whose dating a teenager because he thinks you’ll be more pliable and tolerant of his bullshit. Either tell him to accept you for who you are or find someone less controlling and not so close to 30.
Don’t date a 29 year old. Make like a tree and get out of there!
I am a 32 year old woman. At 29 I would not have dated a 19 yr old.
You are a brand new adult, what is a grown ass man have in common? Run.
Men who date women two thirds of their age are misguided losers at best, total creeps at worst. This particular one is an insecure, controlling jerk. Cut him out of your life and I hope you meet someone who treats you with respect.
*looks at age gap*
I stopped reading at my bf (29) & I (19) girl he’s trying to control you cause your younger than him. He ain’t the man for you.
What’s an over 25 year old with a gig job doing with a teenager? You don’t know this yet, but that’s very bad. Take the relationship out he’s giving you (though it isn’t sincere, he’s trying to manipulate you, he’ll apologize and beg once you’re out the door), and run fast towards your fun teenage years that you’re about to loose.
This relationship will NEVER be good for you, just for him. Run girl, go to college and meet people your own age!
Please take the gift you are being given and leave this man.
For just a moment, let’s ignore the age gap:
If he wanted to work on himself and mature- he would. He is never going to. It is not your job to raise your partner. There’s a reason you’re their partner and not their parent.
Now let’s move onto the age gap.
I am just about 28. I would not consider dating someone that is 19.
Depending on where you’re at (location wise), there are so many potential power imbalances. This man has had an opportunity to complete an undergrad degree and potentially a Master’s or more. He’s been able to legally drink. He is able to get a car rental (many places will not rent to people under 25). He has had the chance to truly establish himself as an adult.
What the Hell is he doing sniffing around someone that is barely out of high school?
His intentions, I guarantee (as someone who has lived through being groomed) are not good. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.
10years age difference. You’re not 50 and 60 where you’ve both led adult lives.
You’re 19 enjoy your life. You don’t have to be in a relationship and it really doesn’t sound like you’ll enjoy being around him after a few years. Imagine living with this dude? Having kids with him? And this is the ideals he is pushing just with the two of you.
You’re 19 🙁 we all get it and no one is saying because of your youth your wrong, but because of your youth, you should understand this thing happens way to often. You’re just a kid go be one
Lmao.
I just don’t have the energy for the alarming age gap couples anymore.
The cliche manipulation and blab rant red flags are tiring.
Girl. I’ll be honest. U never stood a chance. Ur 29 year old is dating a 19 year old because something is wrong with him, he wants control and to manipulate someone young impressionable and not as situational educated as an older person. Just think to urself. why TF DOES A 29 year old FIND A 19 year old attractive mentally and emotionally and etc? Two different levels here. At 29, do u see urself dating a 19 year old boy? Hell at 19, do you see urself dating a 16 or 17 year old. Like right now? If not, why? Because of the different areas in life and etc.
Girl block him and move tf on.
You say you’re very confused as to why he’d want you to change your behaviour.. I’ll break it down…
The much older guy, preys upon a young, naive girl-who knows nothing of the world.. he snags her young, manipulates her, turns her into what he wants her to be. He does this because it’s easier for him to change who you are than it is for him to change who he is, as he knows no woman with self respect in his own age bracket would put up with him…
Sweetie, there’s a reason a nearly-30yr old man chose to date a barely-legal 19yr old inexperienced girl. It’s because he has a toxic, manipulative, controlling personality that women his age would see right through in a second and not tolerate. He chose you because he thought you’d be easy to manipulate due to your inexperienced.
Dump his toxic ass and find someone else who respects and values you like you deserve.
When I was 19, my boyfriend was 28. I couldn’t even glance at a man without him accusing me of something nefarious.
It only escalated. Run.