I 27f found out My 30m ex husband left me because he had another woman pregnant (20f). My ex husband and I divorced a few years back but never really stopped seeing eachother. We still lived as a married couple for quite some time, separated again and finally got back together. He begged n begged me to come home needed me and loved me so much, me being obviously dumb came home. I gave up everything for him job, life, everything as he was in a different state. During this time I was a full time mother (not my child but his) a full time wife and etc. (being his wife is way more than a full time job) well when he begged me to come home again he was saying how he would never cheat again we could finally go do Ivf or iui (he had a slightly low count but really no reason we couldn’t naturally get pregnant though it just wasn’t happening). Well he then asks me to go handle some business for us in the state I was in before and he was gonna meet me there a few days later. Well the day he was supposed to meet me there he sends me a king text basically saying how he just doesn’t want us to be together then tells me I can’t come home to get my belongings. He has threatened to throw all my stuff away if I keep asking him to send me my stuff or if I ask him really anything or even just call. He refuses to let me talk to my step son who I have been basically a full time like to since he was 3 (for 6 years). Well today I get a message from the new baby momma telling me she is pregnant and how she didn’t know about me and etc. and how when I am out of town or etc she is in my house and babysits my son…!well of course in my emotional state I blow up his phone he finally answers and is basically telling me he doesn’t care, that he will burn my shit if he wants to and that he will send me my stuff if he wants but since he paid for most of it he can do whatever he wants… I am at a loss for what to do I am so beyond hurt. He has always been very emotionally abusive, controlling, and narcissistic. What hurts more is that we tried for so long for a child it never happened and he always would hold Ivf and iui over my head. Yet now he has another woman pregnant and she claims he was trying to get her pregnant. I am so hurt I am sure through all my emotions I am missing so many details but I just am at a loss.

13 comments

  1. It’s horribly painful, but you are definitely 100% better off away from that monumental arsehole. I hope a meteorite hits him in the cock at an inconvenient moment.

    In terms of your belongings, I believe that he has a duty of care towards them – if he did destroy them then I’m pretty sure you could sue him. Other people may be able to give better advice on how best to go about retrieving them legally.

  3. Thank your lucky stars you didn’t have a child with him.

    If you knew he was emotionally abusive, controlling and narcissistic why do you want to be with him?

    Post on the legal advice sub to see what your options are to get your belongings back.

  5. I’m sorry you are going through this. But I have to tell you you are very lucky that you are free of him and do not have a child with him.

    First of all, if you have not already, get a lawyer. Keep every text you have from your ex and his new baby mama and show these to your lawyer. I don’t know what your financial situation is, but you can still go to a lawyer for help and they will advise you what steps you can take. I really doubt that your ex can legally refuse to let you take clothes and other personal items you need for living.

    I hope you have all your important documents with you. Birth certificate and passport if you had one.

    I’m going to tell you now something you may not believe but need to hear: you are with so much more that how this guy treats you, and deserve so much better than him. You are young and will find the right guy for you, and be thankful for all this. It will take time for you to heal. Please take that time and go to a therapist. If you have been with an abusive narcissist, you may be psychologically “programmed” to look for that type of person. Please take care to find a different and healthy relationship.

    Best wishes to you and hugs. You will make it.

  6. Wow, this guy sucks. I’m so sorry for you and this situation. Please take care of yourself. Cut off all contact with this guy. Start a new life. Leave him behind.

  9. Wow. He’s a total scumbag. You’re well shot and will eventually move on to something much better. Take comfort in the fact that the new baby momma is now stuck with him. Find it hard to believe she didn’t know about you. Take care.

  11. Go to his local police department and ask for an escort to pick up your property!!

    Ask his baby momma to pack it up for you.

  12. This relationship is toxic and you are WAY better off without him, but YOU NEED A LAWYER! If he burns your stuff then sue him for the costs of replacement.

  13. Can you contact the police in the city he lives in and explain your situation and that he will not allow you to collect your belongings?

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