A 24M Indian here. In Indian culture, children don’t really move out and is not common. I grew up with an overprotective parents, especially my dad. I am always grounded and not been able to experience any life outwise my house. It’s not like they refuse to let me out, it’s just that it bugs me when they track my location, ask me to be come back before some time, asking if I have reached, basically 100393+ calls/messages when i am out.
Being 24, I haven’t been able to do much fun in my life and looking back, I feel i should have forcefully taken admission in college out of my home state, so atleast I can live life for once.
My mental health hasn’t been well. They do everything for me, basically keeping me in comfort zone always. They give me a five star life.
I know it sounds good, but I am at the point that I crave for freedom and want to do things on my own. I don’t know how to escape this place. I am considering immigrating to another country for “further studies”, so atleast I can live peacefully.
5 comments
The only way is to have your own money and have your own place.
I think you just have to talk to them about it.
But, since it’s Indian parents, I do not know if they will be sitting with you or listen to you completley. I am saying this, because your experiences are almost similar to me. Btw I am also from India. And my parents are also like this.
Anyway try to talk to them and make them understand that – you have grown up, but still you are their son.
Get a job in a different city and move.
One approach might be to reframe the problem for them. I don’t know anything about Indian culture, but you could tell them that you know they do these things because they love you and don’t want anything to happen to you or you to come to any harm.
Then, point out there are harms besides the physical, like the psychological, and explain that being constantly watched is making you feel anxious and like they don’t trust you. Surely harm that comes from them is as bad as any other kind?
Further, they won’t be around forever, no one is. If you don’t learn how to solve some problems and be independent, then you’ll be in enormous trouble someday when they can’t be there for you any longer.
An exercise that might help is to propose switching roles. Explain you want them to understand how you feel, and that you’re going to monitor/communicate constantly with them while they’re out doing something else. Don’t do it in a mean way, just give them a sense of how it feels and if they try to argue it’s not how they are, be ready to fall back on objective measurements (i.e. I only sent you eight texts when you were out, you send 15-20 usually, see?)
None of those approaches will work miracles, and you won’t be truly independent until you have your own income and place to live, but if it can be resolved by talking to them, I think those would be the best routes. Again though, I don’t know anything about Indian culture, so take what you think will be useful and leave the rest.
In which degree u graduated to ?