I (f) cry almost all times after penetrative masturbation, but never after any other kind.
I haven’t had penetrative sex with either gender so I can’t speak for that, though both have tried with fingers and it’s just painful, I tend to refer to that issue as psychological vaginismus. I’m wondering if that is connected?
I have sexual trauma. But none penetrative to my knowledge which is why I’m confused, surely if it was about the trauma I would cry after non penetrative sex / masturbation?
Does anyone else have any ideas?
2 comments
Sexual trauma can come up in weird ways. Did you ever speak with a therapist about your trauma? About how it’s affecting you now?
I don’t know you. I do not have an academic degree in sexual trauma. But you asked for ideas, so ask you some questions that you can ask yourself so you have more leads to start working on this with a trauma specialist.
How do you feel when you cry? Are those relieved tears? Scared tears? Angry tears? Thankful tears? Or does your body just come with tears and you dont really feel an emotion with them?
Why do you masturbate with penetration if you know you are going to cry afterwards? (For clarity, I am not implying you shouldn’t, I am interested if your motivation can shed light on the situation.)How do you feel before doing it and during?
I don’t think you should cry only when doing things related to the trauma. Maybe your body feels like penetration is something special because it wasn’t involved in the trauma?
Do you keep penetration for yourself because you feel safe with yourself?
Do you orgasm? For me, I often get deep into spaces in my psyche with sex that I normally can’t access during regular life, then when I orgasm I let go, but because behind the walls of normal life I also carry other emotions that I have not yet dealt with I cry after orgasm a lot.
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And pat yourself on the back for thinking about this, for exploring your ody and trying to figure out what you want and need and for getting into therapy. Kudos for you 🙂