For the record, I’m not talking about former friends that you had a falling out with and ended up not speaking with them because you were both pissed at each other. I’m talking about friends who you were close with that you just ended up growing distant with because of different paths you guys went in your life.
Would you even advise reconnecting with old friends if you haven’t talked to them for that long? What would be the pros and cons of doing so?
11 comments
I recently tried this with someone I really liked. But it feels like maybe I valued the friendship more, and I feel depressed now. So I guess it depends how it turns out. I don’t think anyone felt weird.
Do what people have been doing for years and just call them
Nope. Don’t do it continue with your life. Unless you meet them somewhere face to face and decide to engage in a long talk with you, anything else you’ll appear as desperate
No, leave the past in the past. Unless you see them by coincidence, leave it be.
It wasn’t years, but I went several months not talking to my best friend after he didn’t invite me and my wife to his wedding. He was my best man at ours and I was kinda hurt that we weren’t invited. Turned out it was just a small family ceremony so I got over it. But when I did finally reach out, because I felt awful for basically blocking him from my life, he was really happy and we catch up now and then. Don’t be afraid or nervous to reach out. It pays off.
Both. Why would you? It would make me think your desperate, of if your a really good old friend tryna do something that’s trouble.
What’s the worst that happens?
Send them a text or a DM on the social media platform of your choice to the effect of “Hey [friend], long time no speak! [recent event or anecdote] made me think of you the other day, hope all is well.”
And then see how/if they respond.
I was in the same town as a friend I hadn’t seen for many many years. We arranged to have a quick beer in the early evening. I figured nothing to lose. Well were just instantly laughing and joking like we saw each other yesterday and the evening finally finished at 5 am when we ran out of bars that were open. His girlfriend was furious.
As long as one or more of you don’t bring up trying to get them to buy into their “new business”, I think it can be fun and rewarding to do so.
Just reach out and say hi! I’ve known this one friend since we were 11ish, I knew her husband since I was 6 – even lived with his family for a while when me parents split up. We were really close. But after they got married at 20, we fell apart; I was a little upset about being a third wheel (99% of our friend group had paired off/married except me). About 7-8 years later, I run into the husband’s sister at the grocery store and we start talking. Their mom had just passed away. I went home and a few weeks later, I start blog-hopping (back in the days when everyone had a blog with links to other blogs) and came across my friend’s blog. I made a comment on a post that said Hi and sorry about her MIL. She emailed me within 30 minutes and we spent quite a while on the phone catching up. I drove 1000 miles with a toddler to visit them two week later. And two weeks after that I moved to their town, started a new life and we see each other/talk frequently. It was like those years just didn’t exist. (We are in our 40s now).
So she happens to be in a city that I was planning a trip to. I just messaged her on LinkedIn and asked her if she wanted to get a drink. She said yes and we hung out. Simple as that.