My boyfriend and I have always had difficulty with our sex life. Details I won’t get into.
He’s my first. So I’ve kind of been wondering what it’s like being with other men and women (I’ve never slept with a woman).
My bf is also vanilla. The sex we have is good, absolutely. But I’ve just had to accept that I’m not going to be fully fulfilled the way I’d like to be.
I’d never cheat. Ever. It makes me sick to seriously think about it. But do these thoughts make me a bad person?
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Not at all. I think its pretty natural to wonder. Ive only been with my ex and my wife. Definitely not experienced as far as variety and i definitely wonder a lot what it would be like with other people. How theyd look and feel and do. You arent a bad person.
No. You want to experiment and see what you might be missing. There’s nothing wrong with that. Ideally, your BF would help you explore and try new things. That’s part of what can make for a fun and adventurous sex life.
It would only be wrong if you were seeking that elsewhere. (While in a committed relationship)
IDK why your sex life with him is “difficult.” And it seems like something you don’t want to share for whatever reason. So I’m not even going to ask. Normally, I’d suggest having a heart to heart with him. Express your urges and desire to explore them WITH him. Ask him if there’s anything he wants and you’re willing to try for him as well. But if, for the reasons you mentioned, that isn’t something you can do, you’re left with only 2 choices: accept that this is what it will be. Or accept you’re incompatible and end the relationship. It’s perfectly valid to do so. Yeah, it’s hard. And no one wants to hurt someone they love. But long term, would it ever be enough?
Only you can decide that.
Thinking and putting things in action is something different. The human being is curious by nature, but morals and values are what makes us different. If you have the moral standard of not cheating it’s commendable.
When things are not right, the normal consequence is to think about “What If Scenarios”. Trying to solving your problems, communicating properly, listening and giving logic and considered opinions and ultimately coming to a conclusion will make those thoughts disappear or lead you to your next step.
Everyone can get better at sex, but communication is the way to solve all problems, specially between people who love eachother.
Something you two need to sit down and discuss
My wife and I like to play a game “Do you think they fucked today,” when we go out. Basically we bet with each other about other couples if they’re active sexually.
My mind goes racing when we do this thinking about it. I’m sure hers does too what it’d be like with the other person. Does this make us bad? No I don’t think so we both trust each other never to cheat.
Interesting that he’s the only one but you can call it vanilla. I hope you aren’t comparing this to porn.
It is totally normal for you brain to wander and think of things you are most curious about, even in sex. Like the others have said, thinking about it is one thing but acting on it is a different level.
As for your current situation, if it isn’t a deal breaker for you then you are fine. However, I do not know the background of it like how long you’ve been dating, were you his first, etc etc.
It can be all sorts of reasons why he is not trying to listen to what you are trying to say. Maybe he is also afraid and inexperienced? Maybe his sex drive isn’t as high as yours? Idk.
But keep constant communication with him. Try to explain to him that you want to step out of your comfort zone, sexually, with him. Make him understand that the current sex is by no means boring but you want to up the ante and take it to another level.
When dealing with this, try to also take things slowly. See what the both of you likes by how you react to things and make sure there is constant communication before, during and after.
Some people are also not as comfortable with talking about sex and even experiment, that’s where you try to see and find things that will ease him up and make him comfortable enough to try and hear what you have to say.
Why not invite a friend of your who you know would be interested in a threesome?
Have you taken any sex quizzes together like Mojoupgrade? Maybe he would see something that would pique his interest? My wife and I took the quiz and it gave me some reassurance of some things she’d be willing to try (like wearing a buttplug during sex). With knowing that I got some plugs and beads and we’ve since tried them out, and it’s been great.
Maybe he will say he would do something for you on the quiz if you want to and it will lead you down a new path.
Never say never. My wife said never to anal, and we ended up doing that through no pressure from me.
Maybe you guys should be r/Swingers