31 M here struggling with the concept of giving women the benefit of the doubt. I have dated and been in numerous relationships now and over the last two years I’ve worked hard on myself to be a healthy person and overcome trauma I’ve experienced so I can be ready for a ltr. Due to past toxic relationships my ability to detect toxic behaviors and red flags has been skewed and I now struggle with allowing too much questionable behaviors/actions in fear that my trauma is causing me to overreact. I recently dated a woman for three months from a dating app which I was taken off guard when I mistook manipulation for healthy communication. Now looking back I realize I was played while I thought things were slowly and healthily developing. It ended by her telling me she only saw me as a friend and she thinks her attraction to me is purely physical after spending many dates/nights together, meeting family & friends…etc This ended up causing me a bit of reopened trauma and now I’m stuck trying to better myself. So my question is, where and how do you draw the line with giving the benefit of the doubt. How do you differentiate between prior trauma responses and real gut warnings? I know I’m not a perfect man by far but I do believe I am growing. Thanks!
1 comment
I kind of have the opposite problem where I am hyper aware of potential red flags and then really pay attention to that and see how they carry themselves.
I don’t really know how to answer your question. I can say that I’m at a point where I want my partner to mostly be a seamless addition to my life. No fixer uppers. No working through it or waiting and hoping they shape up. No second chances. I suffered enough in my marriage. Datings gona be fun or I’m gonna end it.