Be honest, be brutally so. I feel like I’m going crazy. Feel free to ask questions and I’ll clarify as best as I can.
Mt boyfriend (18M) is vanilla. We’ve only done a few mild kinks (light choking, daddy/mommy talk) and two more experimental kinks (anal, and pet ears). I heavily heavily dislike anal sex for reasons I won’t get into.
My bfs libido is also very very minimal. There were points were we would go two weeks without intimacy. He also just blatantly prefers head over sex (and no, he doesn’t go down on me).
I’ve discussed that my needs are vastly different than his. That is like to be shown more affection and have more sexual chemistry and flirtation. Id love to be more adventurous in the bedroom. He says he’s going to work on it (we’re long distance atm).
Ask any questions you need to fully understand.
4 comments
For sex to be enjoyed in a couple, a good communication and patience is well needed. Sex life can improve with physical exercise, time and cooperation, but it’s usually anxiousness and overthinking the first barrier to cross.
The age you mentioned is fairly young and it’s still and as a persons, you are still forming your personality and discovering your likes and dislikes. The kinks that have been exploring are already things that some mature couples probably have not done or even thought of doing.
Patience and communication, again, is the key to fond a solution to the problems if as a couple you genuinely care for eachother. That aside, getting involved with multiple partners at such an age can create an emotional disassociation in the future relationships.
This honestly sounds like a mix of immaturity / lack of experience on his part and low sex drive. It could be a number of things, but if you aren’t happy now, it may be time to move on.
My girlfriend and I have a slightly different drive, but we are both open to the same things and both are happy with our frequency. If one or both of us weren’t willing to make compromises though, it just wouldn’t work. It can take a few months to get synced up with each other, but if this is a continuing issue that hasn’t improved, you may just not be sexually compatible. You need to ask yourself what YOUR needs are and make some tough decisions. You don’t want to join the dead bedroom subreddit one day…
One last note and I’m not asking for you to go into specifics, but my GF had never enjoyed anal or anal play before she started dating me. We took our time, didn’t just jump into it, and now she asks for it regularly. Different partners bring different experiences and levels of trust. Whether it’s anal or anything else happening, I would advise not to let it spoil your expectations or future potential relationships. Best of luck to you.
My relationship is a back and forth mix of all the things you just said. My libido is lower than my partners, but I’m much kinkier than he is. I, like your boyfriend, would rather get eaten out 9/10 times, but i don’t give head. Usually we have sex once a week, sometimes as infrequently as once every other month. (Though I will say there have been outside factors that affect this, like going through a depression and having kids). It’s been this way (more or less) for 8 years and i doubt it will change any time soon, but that’s because we’re *both* happy with this dynamic. There is no feeling of abandonment, festering resentment, hidden frustration etc. We speak with each other when we have serious needs that aren’t being met, and we accept that some things would be unfair to nitpick. It’s been a series of compromises, just like every other aspect of a functioning relationship.
Could you be happy with your relationship the way it is now? If not, what is your communication like with your partner? Open? Understanding? Respectful? Do you feel like you’re able to put your needs out on the table and then the conversation consists of creating a plan to meet those needs together? Or are you stuck at the stage where you’re still getting him to understand your needs and make him see your requests as valid and worthy?
I think couples can make it if having a satisfying sex life isnt a requirement for a good solid romantic relationship.
I cant, for me sex is so important that it needs to be a part of how I love romantically. When I cant have sex with someone, I will stop loving them romantically. And if we do have sex, but the libidoes dont match up and kinks I am constantly giving myself heartbreak in the relationship.
But there are people who can, for some sex is not a needed part of the romance relationship equation. They might not get all their needs met, or they might get needs met outside of the relationship, but it does not effect their romantic core together.
So find out where you are in that regard.