for those who don’t know, MTF=Male to Female.
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years, we’ve known each other since we were 15.
we’re both autistic, and she’s been accepting of me beginning my transition. we take interest in each others hobbies, and she supports me and loves me through depressive episodes and dysphoria. Her parents treat me like a “bonus” child (their words). I feel accepted in her family, and I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot. I have this amazing person who not only loves me, but is attracted to me (average looks and personality) no matter my gender. I love her too, of course.
The problem is, while she is staying in our hometown for university, I’ll likely be moving away, far away. Depending on the university I pick, ill be between 3 and 8 hours away by train, so I don’t think its realistic to see each other often. I could attend our hometown university, I’ve already been accepted. but I really want to meet new people and start a life in a lively city.
I want an open relationship. I don’t want to deprive myself of intimacy for the next 4 years, yet I still feel like I’ll never be this lucky in finding a great partner like her, especially considering ill have a smaller dating pool. (few people are attracted to pre-op trans women).
​
TLDR
​
How could I possibly bring up the idea of being non monogamous with my partner, without making her feel like I’m ditching her? should I mention it as soon as possible, or wait until late august to break the request to her? should I write a letter or just speak in person?
Am I making a mistake? I know this is cheesy, but my “high school sweetheart” does feel like a once-in-a lifetime person to me. Is it worth staying home in my boring city, in a worse program, just to be with her?
5 comments
There’s no way to ask for an open relationship that won’t kill the one you have. Even if she agrees to it initially, resentment and jealousy will build up over time, and it’s very unlikely you’ll be able to come back from it. If you want to keep this relationship, you’re going to have to sacrifice getting more consistent sex.
That being said, don’t sacrifice getting into a better program just to stay with someone. Statistically speaking, at this stage in your life it’s almost guaranteed you’ll outgrow each other. And if you don’t, your relationship will survive being long distance.
Also, there’s phone sex, raunchy video chats, etc. You could try doing something like that so some intimacy is still there, even if it’s not in-person.
You would absolutely be making a mistake. I can’t think of anything more stupid than ruining a loving relationship with someone who accepts you for you because you want to fuck randoms. Please do tell her your plan though, she deserves to know who you are so she can leave you and find someone 10x better in no time.
Lol how to become single and hate open relationships 101. Lol if you want to be single go ahead and ask otherwise I recommend you do a quick 20min research on what happen to people when they do open the relationship.
Don’t even bother. You will end up single anyway because she will take it as she isn’t enough for you because you want to have sex with others, and don’t think she is worth not having sex all the time. Just break up, you are going to cause her distress either way, but breaking up is better than telling her she’s not worth being celibate for when you aren’t able to see each other all the time.
It’s a 3 hour ride.
You can see her on the weekends.
Finding a partner that loves you this much is rare, and not worth throwing it away for meaningless flings.
(open relationship is not the same as polyamorous)
There is not a single good way to ask for an open relationship.
It’s like playing Russian roulette.
There is a chance you’ll win.
But 5 other chances what you have will be gone.