Hi 23 (m) wife 23(f) together for 9 years. We had a huge separation in November where we split up for a month or so. During that time slot of hate was getting thrown around and we bother did questionable things to hurt one another.
We talked it out eventually decided we both wanted this to work. My problem is now we struggle with intimacy. We were never super intimate before but not it seems super important. We’ve dipped our toes in the water but it feels so awkward and borderline wrong. Neither of us is forcing ourselves on another either.
We haven’t done the deed yet and I’m honestly afraid too. Is the awkward feeling normal? Should we just keep trying? Or is a step back the right option?? TIA
TL;DR me 23 (m) and my wife 23(f) almost got divorced and are working it out. Connecting in the bedroom has become extremely hard not forced just kinda awkward. Need advice.
3 comments
So you’ve been together since you’ve been 14? I’m truly not trying to be offensive when I tell you this but there is so much more out there for you. You’ve been together since you were so young that you haven’t had a chance to grow without each other, or experience things you may have been held back from.
Im assuming you got back together because you’ve just been a couple so long that it’s all you know, and that’s comfortable. However I can almost guarantee you guys will have a situation like this again.
I think this could correlate to the bedroom. You both know it doesn’t feel right and you shouldn’t be together anymore. You can’t easily fake passion and it’s just gone now. I encourage you to think seriously about your future and if you truly see yourself with this person for the rest of your life after the things that were said while you were separated.
Someone you’ve been with since you were a child, you’re married and considering a divorce and haven’t had sex yet?
Please divorce. This ain’t it. Some independent therapy to deal with intimacy would be of benefit if that is something you’re looking to change your feelings about.
You both hurt each other and it has created a rift. Consider couples counseling. You need to establish non-sexual intimacy before you move onto sexual intimacy and you haven’t done that yet. The couples counseling will help you reestablish that connection.