I’ve had a few guy friends who end up being unnecessarily rude and giving me too much stress to the point I get emotionally hurt and sometimes think I’m the problem, even though I’ve done nothing wrong and have been as nice and respectful as possible

22 comments

  1. I don’t know my dude, can you give an example?
    Me and my mates have friendly banter but its never rude and if we cross a line by accident we always apologize and don’t repeat that mistake.

    Maybe you are just with the wrong crowd.

  3. It sounds like you were the problem. Like I know people can be pricks, but the way you worded this post sounds like you might be taking some things to heart that wasn’t really meant to wound. But again this sounds like you weren’t really being as nice as you want us to think.

  4. You presented your side of the story. Did you do something to provoke their “unnecessary rude” reaction?

  6. Just from this post I can tell you’re extremely emotionally fragile and self-involved and that you misinterpret the harmless ribbing men engage in as personal attacks and bullying

  7. Hey there, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. It’s not easy to make and maintain friendships, especially with guys. It’s possible that the people you were friends with weren’t interested in having a genuine friendship with you and were just trying to take advantage of your kindness. It’s also possible that they were looking for something more than just friendship.

    But remember that it’s not your fault. You can’t be responsible for people’s behavior. It’s important to be aware of your own boundaries and to make sure that you know what kind of friendship you’re looking for. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to distance yourself from that person until you get a better sense of what he wants from you.

  8. The guy friends I have, I get along with. Those that I wouldn’t get along with, I’m not friends with. It’s that simple.

  10. Assuming you’re a man here.

    We don’t trust the “nice guys” because they’re usually weasels.

    We prefer men who are upfront and honest and that’s what they’re trying to bring out in you.

  11. With all the love in the world. Rip him a new one. Every friend group has an asshole or 2. DO NOT Back down from them. ROAST THEM, HURT THEIR FEELINGS. AND WHEN THEY GET MAD CALL EM PUSSY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO TAKE IT

  12. Boys (especially in the teen years) are immature and insecure. Their actions are theirs alone and probably have little to nothing to do with your actions. Even if you did do something they lack the emotional intelligence to speak with you and find resolve. The reasoning for their behavior could be many. A) They are attracted to you but realize they have little to no chance so they go on the offensive to build a barrier between you and them. B) They are threatened by you. C) A whole number of stupid reasons why emotional stunted immature boys do dumb things. Only thing you can really do is accept and understand and may even feel a bit of compassion for them. For they are lacking in emotional intelligence. There is a great book that explains this behavior (far better than I can) titled Leadership and Self Deception. It’s a short read and not too painful.

  14. Well, questions like this often require some inner reflection on the part of the person asking.

    Basically it works like this: If everyone else is an asshole, the problem probably isn’t everyone else.

  15. You should rephrase your question as *’Why is it so hard to be friends with someone who is not nice and disrespectful’.*

    The short answer is, because that person isn’t a friend and you shouldn’t be investing time with them. If he’s part of a group you like, just don’t invest a lot of time in engaging with them.

  19. I’m going to guess that querant is a woman. Your “emotionally hurt” sounds like a female response.

    Sorry, hon, just friends doesn’t really work between men and women. Two men can be friends. Two women can be friends. But a man and a woman results in sexual attraction, which if unrequited ends in sexual frustration. It’s not that you are “doing” something wrong, It’s that “the friend zone” doesn’t work between men and women.

  20. Judging by your last post, “how do I reject a guy”, you don’t seem to understand that a vast majority of the guys you’re trying to be friends with want you to be in a relationship with them. Either that or you’re just feigning ignorance in the wake of their frustrations with you getting the affection you want from them in a relationship type of way without having to reciprocate in their desired affection back, which is most likely the basis of this issue. I’m not sure which one it is, but you need to understand that 85-95% of heterosexual men are not entering into interactions with you looking for friendship, and that your desire for that is giving them false hope since you’re not setting clear boundaries by discussing your intentions towards them as you grow closer to being friends. Even then, you’ll meet resistance, or you’ll have to attempt to introduce them to girls you know to show genuine friendship as the opposite sex, otherwise they will start thinking you’re just using them for the affection and attention you want like I described. If you want to be friends with guys set up boundaries as you become friends and try to understand how you can benefit guys as their friend that is a girl, like setting them up on dates and genuinely showing that you’re willing to give along with taking to show you’re a true friend committed to the boundaries and intentions you laid out in the beginnings of your interactions with them as friends.

  21. if you’re willing and able to show up when my car needs help, go on a hunting trip, or I need assistance lifting a heavy object, why not? I’d reciprocate of course

  22. If Im getting it right, the first guy was a single guy in a group of couples. That REALLY sucks and nine times out of ten you are on your way out because guys forget you exist over le girlfriends and do less and less with you. His mistake was not bowing out gracefully.

    The second guy was close to your boyfriend and he gets a girl too. I think he also liked you? So he kind of is losing in both senses, and he would have to bury his feelings. Being a teenager that’s tough.

    I think the problem is that the guys have to internalize you are His Girlfriend and remap their thoughts about you, and that he is now Your Boyfriend. The guys handled it poorly. But even handling it well means you just become more distant over time unless you get a My Girlfriend of your own and bridge the gap.

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