I’m (33F) upset that my husband (31M) got plastic surgery without telling me

44 comments

1. Your married and he spent 4 grand without mentioning it… hell yeah, you’re right to be angry.

2. He must have been upset you didn’t notice the difference.

   Then he couldn’t bring it up so he was saying nothing and hoping you didn’t notice the cost

3. Definitely have a right to be angry. He’s not helping with bills but can drop 4k on something cosmetic and not necessary. Are you paying for his school too because if so time to revisit that and make him start helping with at least a few of the bills sense he’s apparently got money to spend.

4. So he spent 4,000 on a scam?

   Where did he get the money exactly?

5. He spent thousands without talking to you about it, had plastic surgery behind your back, and can’t reasonably explain why the stash of condoms has several missing. All while you support him financially. Honey……..

6. What did he have done that was so inconsequential you didn’t even notice? For 4k? What,???

7. I would say that he has violated your trust. He has been secretive about the procedure and the money. He didn’t discuss either with you in anyway and instead bought himself an extravagant gift. He has much to apologize for.

   The question is: what else has lied and hidden from you? How will you know? What assurance could he possibly give you now so that you know he isn’t lying in the future? He has no problem lying to your face. He has the attributes of a conman but not a good spouse.

   I don’t know how a relationship can survive such lies, about the surgery and the money. He didn’t lie once but every day that he hid it from you. I suggest marriage counseling if your relationship is to have any chance in the long haul.

8. You have every right to be upset, and for all the reason you listed.

   He’s a FT student does that mean that he used he student loan to pay for the procedure? First that is definitely not what the money was for.

   Second, was that money suppose to be added to your household to help cover cost?

   And yeah I’m only focused on the money, cause I’m trying NOT to imagine going to work only to get a call that my husband was hurt or injured in a medical procedure that I had no clue about.

   Also and maybe most importantly, why is he getting plastic surgery or who is he getting it for?
   Cause now I have serious trust issues and don’t believe things he says.

9. You married a bum and are upset he is acting like a bum. At some point you just got to accept your life choices boss

10. He needs to immediately get a part-time (at minimum) job to start replacing that money!!! The AUDACITY of his leeching… wow.

11. So he is hiding money from you if he had money to pay for this procedure. You are being used. One lie will lead to a bigger lie. The minute he graduates and has a job he will be out.

12. Why are you taking care of him?

13. So he spend 4k – that he someone hid from yoi while you work your ass off to finance you both – to get a plastic surgery behind your back and mostly lied to you several times about where he goes and and you couldn’t even see a difference?! If he really think a marriage means that he doesn’t need to tell you such important things, he can keep money behind your back and use it like he wants while you just scrap by… i would worry what else he hides from you since his values are kinda off. And how did he even got the 4k?

    Please be careful not to get used.

14. He spent 4k on plastic surgery, and you didn’t notice he looked different ¿ What ¡ ?

15. Pretty useless surgery to have if his OWN WIFE didn’t even notice he looked different..

16. SO, he thinks he can spend money without discussing it with you???

    SEPARATE FINANCES. EFFECTIVELY CUT HIM ALL ACCESS TO YOUR CREDIT CARDS.

    He can open a credit card AND SCREW HIS OWN CREDIT. NOT YOURS.

    IF THE CREDIT CARD IS UNDER YOUR NAME AND HE IS A person who has permission and access to use the credit card….HE REALLY F-UCKED YOU. NOW YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR A 4K BILL.

    I personally would part ways. If he lied to you about this, what else has he been hiding.

17. yeah, you are validated to feel upset about the lack of transparency and honesty in the situation. It is important for partners to communicate openly and honestly with each other, especially regarding financial matters.

18. You are absolutely right to be angry and I would never jump to divorce but this raises some extremely crimson red flags.

    CoolSculpting / cryolipolysis is mostly a scam.

    The only thing it can do is for most people, it will reduce the fat only in the treatment area _up to 20 to 25%_ as in, that’s the absolute maximum amount of benefit you would get from it if it’s very effective for you, and it’s only really effective at actual fat bulges – like love handles and not really intended for things like chubby thighs or arms or bellies. And as you have discovered, it’s also extremely expensive. Around 1% of people even have a paradoxical reaction that causes thickening of the area. Most of the people trying to sell it are scammers who dramatically overpromise.

    Unfortunately I know all this because I’ve worked with some folks who had a lot of it done – and the results are not even noticeable. Maybe they feel better, but honestly I think it’s got to be aimed at people with such extreme sensitivity to minor changes, or maybe two people with body dysmorphic disorder.

    But the good news is that it’s not actually surgery.

    So what you’re finding out here is that not only is your husband hiding expensive purchases from you, he’s not even informing you what he makes a very serious financial commitment.

    How long have you been married? How well do you even know each other?

    Edit: Oh my goodness, my friend. You’re the same person who posted about the missing condoms. He’s up to no good.

19. He’s just let you know that he doesn’t have a problem lying to you, taking advantage of you financially and that you can’t trust him. So don’t trust him.

20. The condoms were missing and now he spent 4k like its nothing? Girl is there anything else you are waiting to happen for you to open your eyes? It seems like you are not paying attention to reality! Wake up you know what you should do!

21. I work and contribute to our bills and I wouldn’t just spend 4k without telling my husband. That is a lot of money especially when you aren’t contributing any money at all and then hiding it

22. Of course it’s an issue. Financial ‘cheating’ is as bad as any form of infidelity.

    If the two of you have combined finances then any major financial decision should be done by both. And if he’s studying and you’re the main breadwinner then he should run any major expense past you.

23. And why are you still in this marriage? How’d he get 4 grand without you noticing from your accounts? Who took him to surgery and who looked after him? Where’s the missing condoms? Just asking again, why is he still living with you? Why have you not started a divorce?

24. I think the biggest issue here is that he spent thousands of dollars without even consulting you. Especially if he doesn’t contribute to the household. That is a huge red flag. If he wanted something like that then he should have gotten a job to save up for it like a normal person would. You are absolutely right to be upset about that. He kept a major financial decision from you, and you are the one carrying the both of you. Now I wonder if he has been hiding other things. That’s a hit to trust, I would recommend talking to a couples therapist about this to try to work through it. What pisses me off is that he didn’t even ask you. Or talk about it, made a plan to put some extra away for the procedure like a normal person. He just up and decided it and spent the money. I would be raving if I was you and he would be sleeping at his parents house. I am so sorry OP, that is just so selfish of your husband.

25. If you flip the rolls I can guarantee many people would be saying “why does your wife have to hide money and do this in secret. She should be able to feel comfortable about herself…”

26. If the GI Bill paying for school, he is receiving probably close to 1500, maybe more (depends on your area) in additional funds to help him pay bills.

27. Also haven’t seen anyone say this yet-
    This is something that was so casual to him he just accidentally let it slip.
    Yet he was also able to conceal both the expense, planning & execution from you like it was absolutely second nature.

    That is (if you’ll indulge me the pun) chilling.
    A pretty high degree of deceit & premeditation were required for him to pull this off behind your back, but once it was done, he clearly wasn’t that concerned about you finding out after the fact.
    Think about that for a moment:

    *You only know about the procedure (which I can almost assure you is just the tip of the iceberg of things he’s kept from you)* **because he chose to tell you.**

    I hate to say it, OP, but his disrespect for you is so blatant and casual he didn’t even care if you found out once he got what he wanted.
    Also if you didn’t notice any side effects of the sculpting (redness, swelling, bruising) do you recall him specifically avoiding intimacy or being naked around you during any time periods ?

    Please don’t entertain any bs about him not realizing it was a big deal, didn’t think you’d care, he was embarrassed, wanted to look good for you.
    He knew you would not be ok with him spending $4,000 on a completely elective cosmetic procedure while you are covering 100% of household expenses to support him while he’s in school.

    I don’t want to be dramatic or be overly alarmist, but OP at the very least I think your husband is a textbook narcissist who feels totally entitled to your support & resources. Please proceed carefully and take steps to protect yourself as you move forward.
    These personality types can become quite aggressive when confronted.

    Best of luck.

28. OP- just saw your other post about the alleged masturbation condoms.

    He’s using you, and cheating on you.

29. Oh yea id be pissed what else is he up to!!

30. How much cool sculpting did he get? Where I’m.from 4,000 would be a lot of areas. And that’s a lot of money to spend without discussing it first. My husband and I keep our finances separate but we still discuss large purchases even if they aren’t a joint expenses. And to omit you had a procedure done is suspect never mind its lying by omission. Somethings up.

31. You are his sugar Mommy!

32. He is using you. This is a bad relationship.

33. Why has no one pointed out that this dude spent $4k in plastic surgery and SHE DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THE PHYSICAL CHANGE?!
    From all the other stuff, OP should absolutely leave…. But jokes on this guy for going through all of that to not even have a noticeable change in his appearance – even through the eyes of someone who knows his body most intimately. That’s karma right there

34. Strange how seemingly random events (missing condoms, surgery, unaccounted for time) when tied together actually form a different picture.

35. How did you not know?

36. As pro-choicers say: his body, his choice

37. It’s pretty reasonable to be upset that you found out that your husband hid a medical procedure from you. Did he spend the money you put towards shared expenses or did he use his own money? If he spent your shared expense money then he was wrong for not discussion it first, and if it was his own savings he’s wrong for not helping ease your burden of being the sole breadwinner.

    Either way it seems he knew he was wrong for hiding it when he let it slip so what else is he hiding from you?

38. Ah yes condom girl. I think OP is pulling our chains. I wonder what the next post will be about?

39. Um how did you not notice?

40. I think what he did was terrible but are you sure it’s cold sculpting because I questioned that it takes that much money and that much planning because from what I see on TV it could be as quick as one appointment but maybe I’m wrong

41. Sounds like you agreed to be his cash cow….but he is the only one who knows about this deal.

42. Wait til you find out his side chick is pregnant because he was too cheap to buy new condoms and used old ones. Also, if he’s not working, where did he get the $ from?

43. Why would you get plastic surgery so that’s so ineffective that your own wife doesn’t even notice you had it

44. omg, now be smarter since you know he is this kind of person. Don’t spend money on him anymore. Don’t allow anyone to leech off of you. Require him to pay half of all expenses. Don’t be dumb anymore.