Long story short my(25F) husband (29M) went to the dr due to some pain urinating/ discharge from his penis. Well i receive a text saying we need to talk followed by a call in which he told me he got checked out and was told more than likely he has an STI/STD. Well here’s the thing, I haven’t had sex with anyone aside from my husband since we’ve been together, and thats 3 years now. And he said neither has he.. well i feel like I’m having a very unfair finger pointed at me, and i’ll explain why.
When i was pregnant 2 years ago i went for a routine prenatal checkup and was tested since i expressed concerns to my OBGYN about weird discharge. At this point I’ve never had an STI/ STD in my life, well it came back positive for chlamydia. I didn’t know what to think, but i did sit down and talk to my husband. Of course he was my only partner and i had been his, and he assured me i was his only partner while being together and i took him on his word. I did ask if he’s ever been tested and he said no, i would regularly get tested including while being with him because i was very prone to UTIs/BV while with him, so it was maintenance for me and my vaginal health.
However since he’s never been tested i don’t know if he already had it before we got together and i was the one that ended up getting the flare up. I ended up taking antibiotics after our baby was born but he never went to get checked and set it to the side after constantly asking. He said he had no symptoms / never displayed them & i continued having sex with him.
Well a few days ago we had sex, and he started noticing symptoms, and i assured him ive only been with him since we’ve been together and reminded him that he never got tested / treated after the first time it happened to me. He kept telling me he didn’t know what to think / feel and hasn’t really spoke to me since he told me. And i think thats unfair, because it could very well be the untreated (I’m assuming chlamydia) from years ago. I’m not displaying any type of symptoms, i have no sores, weird smelling/looking discharge, nothings out of the ordinary for me and my PH levels have been fine.
I have nothing to be scared about because i know i haven’t slept with anyone else, but I’m starting to think he doesn’t believe me. And what if his results come back positive for something else than chlamydia? He more than likely will blame me , but what does that truly mean for me?? I don’t want to get ahead of myself with these thoughts, but after our most recent text convo (copy and pasted below) I don’t know what to think anymore.
Maybe the vibe i gave was terrible, but how else aside from hurt about not being believed should i feel? How should i have handled the situation better if thats possible? I know it’s possible to not display symptoms for years at times as these like these can be dormant, would it be possible this is reason?
Text thread:
Husband: “Sorry if I’m a little off I just don’t know what to expect or how to handle rn. I’m just gonna finally relax and play some games.”
Me: “You’re entitled to feel however you want. The first time i brought this topic up i believed my partner and took their word despite how uncomfy the whole situation was and carried on. You know how you’ll handle the situation.”
Husband: “sounds good thanks”
Me: “what does that even mean?”
No response.. left on delivered.
*edit: asked a question about the possibility of this being dormant until now*
15 comments
You had chlamydia while pregnant, now he has a different STD?
I’m really sorry, but someone is cheating.
Chlamydia can be dormant for over 20 years, so it’s possible he got it from you if he tests positive. He should have been treated when you were.
If he never got treated, and you’ve tested positive for chlamydia multiple times, how are either of you surprised that he has an STD? You 2 are just passing it back and forth now because he was too stupid to get treated in the first place. Why you continued to have sex with him or even bother to get treatment is beyond me. Wow…
A few things.
– Get the test result back before y’all blow up your marriage.
– Many people with STIs do not have symptoms. If one of you has had this in the past and you BOTH didn’t fully complete your antibiotics you could very well be passing it back and forth to each other or be colonized by the bacteria.
– You need to get tested and treated (prophylaxis) for the above reason^
This is the type of unnecessary problem two people *will always have* when one partner tests positive for and Is treated for an STD while the other is too stupid or lazy to realize/google that they have it too and it’s just dormant.
Here’s what I know as fact. You do not get STI/STDs without sexual contact including oral (as a nurse I’ve seen light bulbs go off about this fact… yes oral is sexual contact).
If you were treated but he wasn’t, and he was also positive, you two would be passing it back and forth.
You can get repeat infections. You both need to be tested, treated as needed and see what happens from there.
Either you’re both passing it back and forth or one of you is cheating
I think it’s dumb to know your s/o gave you an STI and you keep fucking him knowing he never got tested or treated.
I’m just gonna be the bad guy here and say this..I don’t understand how you are letting your husband gaslight you? He is more than likely cheating. Stop having unprotected sex with him. If he isn’t the type to get tested or treated then that shows that he doesn’t care about his or your sexual health and can put you at further risk for something that isn’t curable.
One of you is cheating. Or you just keep passing it back and forth to each other.
So he’s either cheating or y’all keep reinfecting each other. You both have to get treated at the same time even if he doesn’t have symptoms.
No conclusions can be drawn without the pertinent information. Without the testresults all you can do is speculate. Patience and good communication is key here
you’re getting recurring bv/yeast/uti’s bc he’s throwing off your ph. bc he’s cheating. happened to me when i was with my ex and he was a chronic cheater. haven’t had any issues since and it’s been years. he’s sticking his dick raw into other people and then into you and it’s throwing your shit off. it is possible since he wasn’t treated the first time. and i’m sure that has a lot to do with it too. but i would not rule out cheating considering you having so many issues.
This reads like you don’t care about yourself or your baby’s health. Your husband clearly has been cheating. Sometimes it’s easier to be in denial but you should protect your health.
So regardless someone had an STD was tested and treated. What I wanna know is why partner didn’t, but one if not both still insisted on screwing. So it’s just being passed back and forth.
My thoughts are. You say you haven’t cheated and he does to. You were treated for your issue he never was symptom or not if my husband has a disease I sure as shit want some antibiotics cause well why the hell not if I don’t have it yet o will have.
Here’s my last thought. You say you haven’t cheated, he says he hasn’t yet someone has an STD and doesn’t believe the other person which means to me sounds like someone in the relationship has indeed cheated. Cause why wouldn’t one trust the other when they say they have an STD but nope never fooled around.
So someone’s lying in one way or the other in this relationship. In my eyes you’ve got bigger problems. To either of you why do you wanna be with someone in one way or the other you can’t trust? Hope it all works out for you but someone needs to be honest and either work through it or don’t. Good luck